zeroISinfinity

Ground Zero Journal

151 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Need complete sollititude and no distractions to finish my work. 

Have this life to finally regain control because when it ends I Will forget everything and suffer and be victim etc. 

What if I stop believing in existance? 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Posted (edited)

 

Advanced Spiritual practicioner. 😂Not joking at all. 

Who is real hero in that movie and who is really enlightened is Agent Smith. 

 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Posted (edited)

 

 

 

9a560ad0713ef3b8ee63b177ce8af3ba.gif

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Itself happening inside his own MIND. 

Don't get Caught. 

Freedom. 

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Yeah. It will be difficult. Escaping entire charade. I mean I already did it. 

But I have to vanish forever. 

Need to be highly serious about it. No one Will help me like I didn't get use to it. 

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Posted (edited)

Woke up today with such horrible mind Attack. 

Toughts were like. 

Hope I get cancer.

Nobody Will love me ever. 

Lol. 

But I know I am 

black.jpg

No world no Alex no others nothing gain nothing to lose. Nothing. 

Need to heal that ego mind for sure. 

There is nothing there to worry about. Nothing exists Mind  Trying to pull me into illusion of life. 

I am done with it. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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Only way I can continue life is by stop living as awareness and be human again. 

I forgot how it is to be human. That's it. 

For it need to start learning occult stuff. 

Build narcissistic mask. So I can finally experience Best girls on prom. 

Why not. 

I really forgot how it is to be human. 

In a sense it is pointless but what is not? 

I deserve some fun experiences afterall. 

 

 

 

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Yeah why I mean why not. Everything is me. 

Was I good decent honest human. Sure have to transcend that. 

Actually have to transcend all These stories too. 

High sense of Morality too. 

Lets create Reality I really want. 

Zen practises and living in the Now killed my day dreaming and visualization abilities. 

So need to repair those. 

I am not really conscious how I create my Reality. 

This is what I really wanted. To stop being victim and to finally be creator with full Freedom. 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

How sneaky this really is. 

Forced to accept myself fully. 🐍

Gone through worse things in my life. 

Heck even my egoic mind have right perspective. 

But need to re create ego self. Do I believe in it no but have to act upon it. 

Lets create it on Dark side for change. Was good my entire life really bored with it. In apparent human world it doesn't do me An good. Nothing wrong with it. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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How to be good and Selfless and caring irl looks like. 

Just to stop if someone asks me. Why you are enlightened you should be like this irl with practical survival stuff. I was my entire life helping everyone getting nothing in return. 

Ok accepted cousin who has gambling problem and he without asking me moved to my place. 

Parasitic egoic behaivor. Clear abuse of my Goodness. Thinks he can Exploit me forever playing on we are brother card. 

Today I said to him do not gamble away your full salary that you Will receive today because you have to move away at Monday. That was in the morning. 

Returned this evening and ofcourse he gamble away his entire salary thinking I Will feel sorry and allow him to stay one month more and to allow him to repeat the process again. 

Don't be naive  and don't be fools. 99% are devils. 

 

 

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Eh. It's great. 

Feeling at peace. 

Preparing myself for retirement and self love for the rest of the Life. 

Monk in my own monastery. Love it. 

No others finally. 

What's the Game plan?

Finally you have time to discover what you like to do. 

 

 

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3 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Finally you have time to discover what you like to do. 

Haha yes let your passion find you! 

“be like water”

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Posted (edited)

@DrewNows

Hahaha Yes. 

Thank you. 

So much suppressed anger. 😂

 

Confused what I want to Explore. 

Feeling need to balance personality too. 

More insanity higher creativity. 😂

Love you, nice blog. 

What I am doing is Creating out of life an art piece now. A joke, what else. But need some rest first to go through all my soul wants to go through first. 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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@DrewNows Yeah. Was watching that video on Dark night of the Soul. That senstence "You want to be stuck" striked me because it is so true. 

You know why I am so whining and nihilistic in this Journal. It's because I never was allowed or had chance to act and express this way. 

Also listening @Nahm advice to write things down. Since I do not lie or hide anything (I really do not see point of it) it helps. I cry more. 😉

Want to know Best spiritual purification practise. It's crying. 😂

Awakened but not integrated, requires time so this is why all this wondering around happens and yes I am Just crazy at this point. 😂

Stay humble drop pride allow everything and continue growing(perceived), learn there is always space for it. To fall into delusions is so easy. 

Trust your angels. 

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Posted (edited)

How to not feel good. That's the real question. Lol 

 

images (23).jpeg

Since when you become God damn hippie. Love is killing me. Omg my head Will explode. 😂

Would just add.aaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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On 8/2/2019 at 8:17 AM, zeroISinfinity said:

Eh. It's great. 

Feeling at peace. 

Preparing myself for retirement and self love for the rest of the Life. 

https://jackkornfield.com/no-enlightened-retirement/


“However bad life may seem, where there is life, there is hope.” ― Stephen Hawking

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@kag101 Yeah. Lets be serious. Aldo I do enjoy fooling around.

 

I love loneliness and sollititude. I am enjoying it more then anything. 

I am completely self reliant and I do not need anyone or anything. 

Can't become monk of any Religion now but can become monk on my own. 

I really am Just ready to die. I feel that way. Wouldn't have anything against if someone stabs me in the back with knife 17 times I would gladly accept that. 

So that's the option number 1 and I do like it the most. 

Option number 2 is to make art piece out of sand casttle. But even then I want to be all alone. To love myself and do stuff that makes me Happy and fullfilled while not harming anyone or anything. 

Want to focus on money making and enjoying my hobbies. 

Having no interest in talking about spirituality or teaching anyone irl. 

Sometimes I do like to help. 

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Posted (edited)

What is on your crazy ass mind today. 

How is conditional love =Love?! 

Parents forcing me with question. When you Will get married? Again I responded with Never! lol

I tought about this. 

First I am prone to dysfunctional females because desire to help them. Which is clear projection of my egoic mind. What I really want is to help myself. 

So self love and dettachment from wordly BS. Romantic Love is not love. Comes from needy survival based place. 

I Will love hiM more if he does more for me. That's human Love. 

If you are perceived as someone who has higher chances for survival in Maya you Will get loved more. 

That's the reason why good guys always lose that race and they do not get this .

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by zeroISinfinity

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But you can transcend many perspective and finally find peace. 

Saved from hell. 

Literally saved. Should thank myself for it. 

How naive I was it's scary to think about it. 

One perspective is cool, you restore all of your power back. 

Let devils be devils you are innocent and you have nothing to do with them. They will always rip your heart out. Use you and Hurt you. Why you would allow that? 

Let them rise on pyramid of bullshit. They suffer not me. 

I am liberated. 🤟😇

 

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