Raphael

Going through the spiral

859 posts in this topic

What 2020 Is Going To Be About

This year is going to be about mostly three things:

  • Financial Independence: Freelance web development and if I have enough time I will also start some web application projects. I need to build up discipline and a more organized work system to be successful here.
  • Strengthening Spiritual Practices: I'm going to continue to do 1 hour of meditation per day and I'm also envisaging to start a Krya Yoga practice. When I'll start Yoga I will probably alternate my days with meditation/yoga.
  • Health And Fitness: I'm going to continue to go to the gym, but I think I'm going to change my workout. I would also like to start a stretching routine as my body is stiff. I will maybe switch my diet to a vegetarian one, but I'm not sure for the moment.

 

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I'm A Liar

I'm found a client that proposed a huge amount of money and also some ongoing work. To prove my competencies I showed him a project that I worked on for another client. He asked me: "How can you show me that if it's for another person?", I answered: "I asked him if it was possible". I did ask the other client anything, they were not written contract and I show the work anyway. I should have asked my previous client, I'm a liar.

This is what survival looks like, this is selfish and dirty and I'm selfish and dirty. I needed this client to earn some money, this is so selfish.

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Hate Of People

I have a deep hate of people that comes up a few times per year from the depths of my ego. It generally happens after a bad social experience when someone is very closed/narrow-minded and do some very dumb thing and/or try to exploit/use me. I was morally bullied a lot when I was a kid, it happened at school, but also in my family, so I accumulated some rage deep down into my body.

Sometimes this stage red feeling of pure hate against the world comes up, I have very destructive thoughts in these moments, and I hate it.

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Ego Backslash

I'm currently experiencing a backslash since the last week. I'm very lazy, distracted and procrastinate a lot, I put too much pressure on myself and overstress. All of this is killing my productivity and results. I'm going to calm down for this evening and just do nothing for 30 minutes and then go to sleep.

 

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@Raphael Take a hot bath. It helped me a lot. I think dealing with ego backlashes with just full surrender, and stopping all unnecessary work to just unwind and relax can be super important. 

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@Raptorsin7 Yep, I'm going to do the minimal today. Not a lot of work and a lot of empty time.

Edited by Raphael

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Being A Light Worker

I'm currently blown away by how well this article describes how I feel. I almost fill all the points! It's strange to read something like this, it's like reading myself. This article was originally posted on Leo's blog, have a look, it's very interesting:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2018/03/20-signs-youre-whats-known-as-a-lightworker/

https://www.actualized.org/insights/are-you-a-light-worker

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@Raptorsin7 Yes, I think that more people on this forum resonate with this article as well, probably more than the general population.

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Society's Evolution

I love when Leo talks about evolution and society, those are some of the most interesting videos in my opinion. I prefer them over self-help and sometimes even over enlightenment videos.

 

 

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So Much Nuances

Each days I realize more and more how nuance and complex the world is. Developing a complex mind is needed to be able to navigate through this complex reality, simple minds will inevitably be left away.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Raphael

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I'm In Love With Spiral Dynamics

 

 

 

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I Love Computer Programming

I love computer programming, it is both a creative and technical activity, a combination of right brain and left brain. It quickly clicked with me when I discovered the field, it was like my brain was born to code.

I wasn't exceptional at school when I was a kid, but I wasn't bad either, most of the time I was a little above average. Programming helped me a lot when I was in high school, I bet a lot on it and it paid off as I graduated as the first in my section because I was so good at it.

Programming also helped me to build a complex and nuanced mind as they are a lot of subtleties to take into account when developing an app, practicing a so nuanced activity then helps in dealing with other life problems.

notepadplusplus-remix-visual-studio-code

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Screens Are The Enemy Of Sleep

It's clear for me now that I have to completely stop looking at screens at least one hour before going to bed. Screens are anti-sleep and I think it explains why many people now have sleeping problems. I have to force myself to stop and not let me get seduced by some little information, video, or whatever because I easily get hooked on the internet and it destroys my nights and makes me unable to rest properly.

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So Much Negativity

I'm bored of all those negative and annoying people around me. If you have or had the chance to have a great and supportive family, realize how lucky you are because most people don't have this chance.

My situation is not completely bad either, but some people are really annoying and those people usually fuck up the rest of the family.

Edited by Raphael

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I know a little of what you're dealing with. It seems to me there is more disfunction within families than is usually thought because it's so often covered up when around friends and aqauntances are around. I introduced the word and the concept of shardenfrued  to a couple of family membors who are college educated that I thought might be open to pondering the phenomena. It seemed to pique their curiosity and as a result,,,, just may be doing some good. Other family members simply don't care and don't want to know. I would wager that most of the emotional pain we endure come from dealing with semi-toxic/toxic family members. With this element ,, it reminds/helps me to double up my efforts practicing forgiveness and letting go and not being reactive which just feeds the turmoil.

Good luck,,,,


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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12 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

I would wager that most of the emotional pain we endure come from dealing with semi-toxic/toxic family members. With this element ,, it reminds/helps me to double up my efforts practicing forgiveness and letting go and not being reactive which just feeds the turmoil.

Good luck,,,,

Yeah, I practice acceptance and letting go in my situation too. But sometimes I fail and get pissed off...

Thanks for your encouragement :)

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Afraid Of Death

Covid-19 started to hit the country a few days ago. Most of the time I like to joke about death, especially with my mother by asking her if she's afraid of it and by implicitly implying that I don't fear death. 

However, when the first cases appeared a few days ago, I realized how fearful of death I am as I almost didn't sleep of the entire night as I was thinking about this pandemic.

The government chose to lock down the country except for the essential services, but the population is very irresponsible and undisciplined including in my own family. Now the people who don't respect the law are susceptible to get a financial penalty or even a prison penalty if they still refuse to cooperate.

This gives me anxieties.

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Bootstrapping Personal Development

I just turned 23 today and I feel like I'm only starting my self-actualization journey.

I remember when I discovered Actualized.org four years ago at the end of 2015 by entering "Fuck Society" on Youtube. I was a very lonely,  socially anxious, depressed, lost and angry 18 years old kid. I tried to improve some stuff and got some results, but nothing extraordinary, I was disappointed because the results were too slow. I was also very impulsive in doing personal development, I wanted huge results immediately, but as I was not getting any of them I was beating myself down and becoming more and more depressed.

However, I continued meditating, had some growing experiences and kept watching every new Actualized.org episode without knowing where I would go. The depression finished evaporating and I realized that I have my entire life to self-actualized and that there's no need to rush. I still have many issues, I still have social anxiety but I will fix all of them by baby step.

After watching almost every Actualized.org episodes I can now intuit my life's direction and I have enough theories to take action. I also acquired some maturity that I didn't have before, especially last year where I accepted myself enormously.

I now feel mature to start my self-actualized journey.

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Self-Analysis

I'm going to post a few self-analysis posts included in "Think And Grow Rich!" in order to evaluate myself and see what I need to improve.

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