Wisebaxter

Seeing a woman who's taken

37 posts in this topic

31 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

I hear ya buddy. My logic was being clouded by lust I think. Plus I hadn't met anyone I'd clicked with so well in a while. 

Anyway, she's gone now. I took the advice given here and made some decisive moves. Feel better now, although kind of sad that the one girl I happened to have a real connection with was unavailable. Oh well. Better to have loved and lost. I think. 

Don't think like that.

Think that you can have everything you want, given enough time and work done.
If your thoughts are lack based, that's what you'll attract.

I can tell from personal experience that if you just persist and be positive that one day
One way or another you'll have what you want, you'll have it 100% sure.

Of course just thinking about it is not enough, you have to take practical step too depending on what that is
But if you have the right attitude and never give up, it's jut gonna happen 

:) 


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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When you become conscious of an innate truth and you decide to live against it, you will suffer endlessly, regardless. You are basically going against your true nature and creating resistance within the universe. Its like trying to fight yourself to the death.

 


B R E A T H E

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Posted (edited)

This sounds like more of an issue with her than you. Love is tricky, and imagine if you do slip into her influence and fall for her. Do you really think you'd be able to trust her not to do the same to you?

The persistency and attention you're getting now seems like a huge red flag. If she truly wanted to be with you and doesn't care about her current man as you say, why doesn't she just break up with him and make life easier for both of you?

It just doesn't add up. Oh, and now I'm reading about pregnancy after you have known her for one month? WTF man, think with your proper head lol.

Be explicit with her and how you feel; spell out your issues with the situation. If she isn't able to operate under terms that fall in line with your morality, you quit entertaining her entirely. Playing coy and half-cutting her off is just you leaving a window open to fantasize about. One thorough conversation should do the trick if you're serious and thinking clearly! 

Good luck buddy!

 

EDIT: Just caught the resolution of this, and it looks like you made a good choice. You'll find someone again soon! 

Edited by ZZZZ

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23 minutes ago, ZZZZ said:

Be explicit with her and how you feel; spell out your issues with the situation. If she isn't able to operate under terms that fall in line with your morality, you quit entertaining her entirely. Playing coy and half-cutting her off is just you leaving a window open to fantasize about. One thorough conversation should do the trick if you're serious and thinking clearly!

She's batshit crazy, a 100 hours conversation wouldn't change her enough to make her a viable partner.

He should never speak to her ever again, the chance of her changing is way too low, and it would take at least 5 good years at the very least.


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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Posted (edited)

4 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

I hear ya buddy. My logic was being clouded by lust I think. Plus I hadn't met anyone I'd clicked with so well in a while. 

Anyway, she's gone now. I took the advice given here and made some decisive moves. Feel better now, although kind of sad that the one girl I happened to have a real connection with was unavailable. Oh well. Better to have loved and lost. I think. 

 

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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On 6/28/2019 at 10:03 AM, Shin said:

 

Haha! I was focusing on the adult penguins at first. And I genuinely thought they were meant to be a man and a woman who had ice cream cones shoved in their mouths. I only got that they were penguins, once I realized that they had baby penguins around them. 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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On 6/27/2019 at 9:41 PM, ajasatya said:

She's not that attracted to you. It's simply her vicious mental pattern taking over. If she were your girlfriend, she would be meeting with other guys as well

Hahaha, listen this wise man and RUN!

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@Wisebaxter 

Come on, you have to see yourself that everything you write about her is full of red flags.
Don’t be ridiculous. It’s so upsetting to see how she’s trying to manipulate you.
Putting the responsibility of leaving a bad relationship on the shoulders of an unborn child? They’re not here to safe anyone or anything.

I think you’re at an important crossroads in your life with this situation. You know what the best thing to do is but you’re not fully there yet.
If you keep on doing personal development and spiritual work you’ll look back in some months thinking: I can’t believe I even considered that. 

I know it can feel like being stuck sometimes, like no one this good will ever come along ever again.
But think back on how often you’ve thought that about people or situations. My guess is it was never true if you look at it now.

There’s great girls out there for you. You deserve to be treated with respect and what you put out will come back into your life anyway.

You’re really trying your best, I’m proud of you for putting an end to this.
Just keep going and keep the fuck away from that woman.

Also, ask yourself: How would you feel about the situation if she wasn’t super hot?


"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau

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Posted (edited)

On 6/28/2019 at 0:51 PM, Wisebaxter said:

Feel better now, although kind of sad that the one girl I happened to have a real connection with was unavailable.

That connection you feel was her toxicity resonating with the unhealthy part of you. Ask yourself: do you really want desperation and a lack of self respect to be the things you have in common with your partner?

What a thing to bond over.

Hehe, remember when she committed to leaving him, some time ago?

Good to see you made the right call man.

Edited by flowboy

** flowMAN ** Habits: { Quit Alcohol Nov 22 [7 day streak]; Quit Coffee Nov 16 [13 day streak]; Quit Smoking Sep 10 [80 day streak]; Exercise Daily Nov 14 [16 day streak]; Meditate Daily Nov 26; Quit Ejaculating Nov 29; Schedule Next Day Nov 29; Up By 5am Nov 28; In Bed By 9pm Nov 29; }

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On 28/06/2019 at 0:25 PM, Shin said:

Don't think like that.

Think that you can have everything you want, given enough time and work done.
If your thoughts are lack based, that's what you'll attract.

I can tell from personal experience that if you just persist and be positive that one day
One way or another you'll have what you want, you'll have it 100% sure.

Of course just thinking about it is not enough, you have to take practical step too depending on what that is
But if you have the right attitude and never give up, it's jut gonna happen 

Thank you for the words of  encouragement Shin. I'm pretty much over her now. There's no way it was love, I know that now. You don't get over love that fast. Man this self deception stuff is hardcore

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Posted (edited)

@ZZZZ

On 28/06/2019 at 2:03 PM, ZZZZ said:

This sounds like more of an issue with her than you. Love is tricky, and imagine if you do slip into her influence and fall for her. Do you really think you'd be able to trust her not to do the same to you?

The persistency and attention you're getting now seems like a huge red flag. If she truly wanted to be with you and doesn't care about her current man as you say, why doesn't she just break up with him and make life easier for both of you?

It just doesn't add up. Oh, and now I'm reading about pregnancy after you have known her for one month? WTF man, think with your proper head lol.

Be explicit with her and how you feel; spell out your issues with the situation. If she isn't able to operate under terms that fall in line with your morality, you quit entertaining her entirely. Playing coy and half-cutting her off is just you leaving a window open to fantasize about. One thorough conversation should do the trick if you're serious and thinking clearly! 

Good luck buddy!

 

EDIT: Just caught the resolution of this, and it looks like you made a good choice. You'll find someone again soon! 

@ZZZZ Good to see you back posting man! Hope all is good with you This situation was challenging for me because I was overcome by her beauty and not thinking rationally anymore. I was just overcome with deep desire and fantasy. Lost in a world of pure imagination. It was an epic battle between my higher and lower self, but in the end it really felt like the universe didn't want it to happen. I know that's a weird turn of phrase, because apparently the universe is me. I've been distracted by this idea really that the universe has it's own will but it almost feels separate from me. I don't know if that's healthy or not.

I agree with everything you said there. The trust issue for me would have been the biggest thing. But I think she just wanted me on the side anyway and was deceiving herself about it

I did have another moment of weakness and agree to meet up with her again after I said I wouldn't on here. I backed out again though as I realised she's actually quite annoying in general. She made a comment asking me if I could be inside her without a condom (just to feel it) and my alarm bells went off. So I got a bit short with her, saying I might cancel again. I then mellowed out though and decided I was being paranoid. But later she brought my reaction up again and accused me of having been 'mean to her.' This just triggered me again. I said 'mean? How was I mean? You know I have good reason to worry. Plus I wasn't mean. Who likes being called mean, right? Like a big meanie, just being horrible to people. This is obviously a hang up of mine as I've felt mean in the past. Hello shadow! Funnily enough, being called mean then made me mean and I said 'you know what's mean? Cheating on a partner who's been loyal to you for 19 years (burn).' I then asked her if her partner was now helping her write a response to that, as I'd become worried he was in on the whole thing and they were using me for my sperm, seeing as they'd tried to have babies and failed. She was having a new room being built in her house which I'd convinced myself would be the new babies room haha. That's what weed does to your mind. What man would send his woman out to do that? :D  But how can you really trust a person like her? I never heard back from her after that though....

At the time, when I weakened, I wrote a long post justifying it and decided not to post it as I was scared of the backlash haha. But what the hell, here it is. Might give some a chuckle. I entitled it 'Jenna's Defence.' I warn you now, it's fucking long haha. Notice how blatantly resentful my ego is too at being told it can't have what it wants. It's a hard sell from me though, I actually did quite a good job. Just reading it back and now I'm wondering if I fucked up haha. No it's all good. Let's call this an example of the power of self deception

Quote

You guys are all very nice for helping. Your points are very valid. I cut off contact with her last week. However.....I am completely besotted with her as I've never met a woman I have so much in common with. A lot of you are under the impression it's just about her looks, which is a reasonable assumption to make, but it's not just about that. We have a deep spiritual connection too. Sure, what she's doing is unskillful, but morals are just a fiction and life is more complicated than that. Let's look at it from her perspective. She's been with this guy for 19 years, so since she was 20. He's pretty much all she's known. She's never lived independently, they've got financial ties, emotional ties too probably. She feels trapped, sexually frustrated and she's met a guy she has a crazy connection with, who just so happens to be doing the exact same spiritual practices as her. We have this magnetic connection, one that she's yearned for in ages but never gets from her boring, indifferent partner who never gives her any attention in the bedroom, sits in front of the TV and doesn't even turn to face her when she talks about her day, even if it's the commercials. She's always the one planning everything as he just can't be bothered. Sure, sounds like me in my last relationship. I get it. They're probably both bored. But...walking away from him, now that's still hard. How many people are like her? Lots I bet. Trapped in long term relationships with indifferent, unappreciative partners. Sure we can say 'have some balls,' but we know that people don't. I haven't in the past. Change is scary, especially one of that magnitude. For me to expect her to leave him on a dime when she's only known me for a couple of months and I've only seen her twice....now that's a big ask. 

I'm a  believer that something is pushing me towards this girl, beyond just sex. There's been lots of weird synchronicities, she loves to be rimmed, I love rimming....just kidding  She's from the same town as me, we have the same taste in hobbies, films, music. She's really easy to talk too. And we both seem like we're just as crazy about each other. She makes me feel really loved and cares about how I am and what I'm up to. She also hasn't judged me at all for getting angry with her and been quite mean. I did what @ajasatya suggested I do, told her I would send back her plant and threatened to tell her fella. It made me feel pretty bad, threatening her like that. Imagine how that would feel, even having the fear that someone could do that to you. Having to live under that shadow. I also told her to go fuck her self and to shove the rose quartz I gave her up her ass lol. I was on a role. Really all of the judging and moralising I was doing brought back my old egoic self and I turned into a dumb beast. I felt almost hateful. 

So now I'm using a love based approach only. And I trust the universe to guide me to the action I need to take for my highest evolution - aka, going balls deep. Even if it means I end up suffering more, so be it, I'll love that. I'm not fighting anymore. When I fight this I end up feeling worse and it just feels like pure resistance of love and life. I feel like I'm making a stand based on some illusory concept of what's right and wrong. Ok so if we say, it's the actions of a lower self, or low consciousness behaviour...why? We're just applying dualistic terms to everything. What's the point in giving up something that feels perfectly natural and good? Sure, because I stated myself that it didn't feel good and that I felt guilty. But what if that was just egoic bullshit and I need to look at the bigger picture. I could choose to judge her, to not trust her in the future, but I'd be choosing another bullshit story. I have no idea what's going to happen in the future. Besides, if she cheats on me, fine, as long as she's happy. Again, why would I try and avoid this as a scenario? I might even be grateful for it to happen at that point. I could choose not to trust her, or I could trust her, or I could abolish trust altogether and realise it as another fake concept an ego creates out of fear. 

As you can tell I've had ANOTHER change of heart. Go easy on me guys haha. I have a feeling @flowboy will rip me a new one. The rest of you will probably just think I'm deluded or that I've been seduced again by this woman. It could be true. All I know is, I'm done with being afraid and I'm done with judgements. Life is there to be lived and I'm going to choose how to view this. If I'm God, I can fuck whoever I want. There doesn't have to be suffering involved. Her and I will be happy, he won't know, then if he does he'll have to do some self reflection and it'll do him some good. Finger your partner, even if you can't get hard. Listen to her when she talks to you. If I was 62 and that was my woman I'd be so grateful, I'd never risk her getting sexually frustrated or feeling ignored. All the guys now are imagining how they would feel if they were him. I get it, I've been there too. Anyone's worst fear is being cheated on, hence some of the hardcore responses on here. Perhaps this is the problem. Why are we so afraid? Why does it matter? I think I provoked some of the responses though as I was asking people to dissuade me out of it. 

About the baby thing. Yeah, quite messed up, but people say dumb shit. I'd made a comment to her when I saw her about her looking attractive pregnant so I encouraged it a bit. Plus she's hormonal and not thinking straight. She's worried she may never have kids. Now that can make a person go a bit nuts. It's just biology. Not gonna condemn her. Maybe it was a romantic gesture. She could love me that much. Depends how I want to look at it, all relative right? 

I have no expectations of her anymore. I don't care what happens. I just want to live and love. I'll accept and love anything, I don't mind. 

Ok, so the purpose of this post, is of course to justify my new decision. We'll see if it works  We'll see if I can stay true to the sentiments expressed. Should be fun

 

 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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On 27.06.2019 at 6:42 PM, Wisebaxter said:

 

Oh she also asked me to get her pregnant as that would help her leave him. And I've known her about a month. Very strange girl. 

On 27.06.2019 at 6:46 PM, Shin said:

 

 

She's crazy as fuck !

 

 

RUN

 

 

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xD

 

On 27.06.2019 at 6:49 PM, Natasha said:

RUN NOW AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

 

Let me add another one here, just in case it wouldn't be clear enough.

RUUUUUUUUUN!!!

That's not a red flag, its a red curtain. How can you even be asking us for advices? 

That woman is obviously trouble and you should be running in zigzag to make sure you dodge that bullet.


"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth" - African proverb

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On 15/07/2019 at 1:29 PM, Etherial Cat said:

That woman is obviously trouble and you should be running in zigzag to make sure you dodge that bullet.

@Etherial Cat Thanks, I have zigzagged away now, so all is well :) bullet averted. My lust was clouding my common sense. Scary

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Posted (edited)

@pluto That was illuminating to read, thank you. I'm going to do some deeper research into this as it sounds very significant. I'd never considered that energy may be transferred in this way. 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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@Wisebaxter Remember, everything is energy. We only think we are solid but far from it and my pleasure to share wisdom <3 Even the food and water you consume respond to the energy you emit thus this is why many wise masters always say, never eat when sad, angry or in a negative state or the food can turn into poison and make you feel unwell. If everyone saw the world as it is in its pure form, everyone would treat and live completely differently :)


B R E A T H E

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