Wisebaxter

Seeing a woman who's taken

37 posts in this topic

Hi guys, I slept with someone a few weeks back who happens to have a partner. I've since cut off contact with her though as I feel bad about doing it and don't want to carry on. Thing is, she's being really persistant. I've blocked her on my phone but now she's sending gifts to my address. This morning it was an olive tree. 

I do find her attractive and really get on well with her. If she was single I wouldn't think twice, but helping her decieve her partner just feels wrong. It's hard for me to respect someone fully who behaves like that. 

Thing is, another part of me is tempted. Guess which part? Lol. @Shinwould know. It's also kind of a good arrangement as I don't want commitment and I'll be able to keep her at arm's length. So I'm a bit torn.

What should I do people? Ditch my morals and just have fun with this girl? Or stay strong and do what feels like the right thing to do and just ignore her. Nice Olive Tree though. I know what her plan is. Every time I look at the tree I think of her. Sneaky. She also put some Matt Kahn quotes in the card. She knows how much I love Matt Kahn. 

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You already created a post about this a month ago.

You just created an another post in order to get some people to tell you it's ok to go for it

When you already fully know what you should do


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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Posted (edited)

@Shin

7 minutes ago, Shin said:

You already created a post about this a month ago.

You just created an another post in order to get some people to tell you it's ok to go for it

When you already fully know what you should do

Well, I'm actually wanting people to tell me it's not ok, as it blatantly isn't. I'm needing some good people to steer me in the right direction. Yeah, I know it's a repeat post. I'll probably hide it in a second. Just a bit torn Shin. I should ditch this girl right? It's like you said, why would you wanna put your dick in a cheater? Believe it or not your words really stuck with me and made a big difference, but this girl is being so damn persistant. She's practically stalking me now. I'm not used to that kind of attention. It's kind of flattering. 

So you wouldn't be tempted at all? 

Also I'm thinking 'what would James Bond too?' He'd be all over that right? 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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You know there is only suffering if you indulge in that.

Even if you were 100% detached and just use her as a sex toy, you would still help her cheat on his husband.

It's called cheating for a reason, it means something is wrong in the relationship, you don't want to mess it up even more.


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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Just now, Shin said:

You know there is only suffering if you indulge in that.

Even if you were 100% detached and just use her as a sex toy, you would still help her cheat on his husband.

It's called cheating for a reason, it means something is wrong in the relationship, you don't want to mess it up even more.

Well yeah according to her he pays her no attention and never sleeps with her. They're not married by the way. She has no intention of salvaging her relationship. She doesn't even seem to like the guy. This is what annoys me even more about her, that she doesn't have the courage to end it as she obviously isn't happy with him. It's just selfishness. She keeps saying she will leave him, she's just scared of change, being lonely etc. All according to her. 

Oh she also asked me to get her pregnant as that would help her leave him. And I've known her about a month. Very strange girl. 

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19 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Hi guys, I slept with someone a few weeks back who happens to have a partner. I've since cut off contact with her though as I feel bad about doing it and don't want to carry on. Thing is, she's being really persistant. I've blocked her on my phone but now she's sending gifts to my address. This morning it was an olive tree. 

Her clinginess comes across as toxic. Huge red flag. Run while you can.

20 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

but helping her decieve her partner just feels wrong. It's hard for me to respect someone fully who behaves like that. 

Another red flag - if she's cheated on her current partner, she would cheat on you too with someone else.

21 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Thing is, another part of me is tempted. Guess which part? Lol. @Shinwould know. It's also kind of a good arrangement as I don't want commitment and I'll be able to keep her at arm's length. So I'm a bit torn.

Develop abundance mentality, there are lots of single women waiting to be scooped up. 

23 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

What should I do people? Ditch my morals and just have fun with this girl

How do you know her current bf is not a crazy jealous psycho and won't come after you if found out. Why would you want that drama anyway?

25 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Nice Olive Tree though

Lol It's just a tree, dude.

27 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

I know what her plan is. Every time I look at the tree I think of her. Sneaky. She also put some Matt Kahn quotes in the card. She knows how much I love Matt Kahn. 

Go no contact. You deserve a healthy happy honest relationship, not someone's left overs.

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It sounds like you want to do the right thing but at the same time you want to keep hooking up with her.

Think about it in a long-term, you're probably gonna get tired of fucking her, you'll look back and regret not putting an end to it in the first place.

Take responsability of the damage you would cause her.

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Posted (edited)

6 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

 

Oh she also asked me to get her pregnant as that would help her leave him. And I've known her about a month. Very strange girl. 

 

 

She's crazy as fuck !

 

 

RUN

 

 

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xD

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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5 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

Oh she also asked me to get her pregnant as that would help her leave him. And I've known her about a month. Very strange girl. 

RUN NOW AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, Natasha said:

Her clinginess comes across as toxic. Huge red flag. Run while you can.

@Natasha Hell yeah, I can't believe she sent me a tree. Really freaky. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she's actually coming over here and banging on the door. 

1 hour ago, Natasha said:

How do you know her current bf is not a crazy jealous psycho and won't come after you if found out. Why would you want that drama anyway?

Absolutely. He's 62 and from what she's told me he doesn't sound like the type to lose his shit but even the most docile person can go nuts in a situation like this. 

Great post Natasha. This has strengthened my resolve. I texted her earlier saying 'thanks for the Olive Tree, you're really persistant!' She hasn't replied yet. I think I'll block her again though. You're right, I deserve better. We all do. 

It's tough as she was really freaky in bed too. I guess these psycho stalker chicks really know how to get it on! 

Oh and so true about me not being able to trust her in the future too. It shocks me how easily she can lie and decieve. It's almost like second nature to her 

 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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1 hour ago, Sleyker said:

It sounds like you want to do the right thing but at the same time you want to keep hooking up with her.

Think about it in a long-term, you're probably gonna get tired of fucking her, you'll look back and regret not putting an end to it in the first place.

Take responsability of the damage you would cause her.

@Sleyker You got it man. It's a battle between my higher and lower self going on. I need to do what you say and look at the bigger picture though. It's not just damaging for me, but for her too. She already seems like she's way too attached, and that was only after a couple of hook ups. Imagine how much it will effect her further down the line if I cut her off. I have to put instant gratification out of the picture right? It's really hard though as I actually like her as a person, aside from the whole cheating thing. We have loads in common. 

Sometimes I wish I was one of these guys who didn't give a shit. I wonder if I'd have more or less fun.. 

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@Wisebaxter

I saw your thread a couple of weeks back about her. I am proud of you in a way, that you chose to cut off contact, this isn't something that many would do, I'd assume. She seems quite clingy, and I think it's quite a huge red flag that she's cheating on this guy. If I were you and got together with her (affair, relationships or similar), I would feel bad too and I wouldn't trust her not to cheat on me. 

If possible, I'd recommend making it clear to her, that you don't want to keep this thing between you two going. Tell her the truth, in a way where she recognizes that there isn't a "but" or "maybe" in what you say, but that it's definite.

You got this!

 

 

 


"Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves."

- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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Posted (edited)

 

Just send one more text

"This is not good for you or me or your husband.
It's better we never talk again, sorry, this is my final decision"

Then never really talk to her again, EVER.

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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Posted (edited)

@Shin @iTommy  Ok guys, I've done it. The text read. 

It's never going to happen between us. You'd do best to move on now. I've made the decision most in line with my highest evolution. I'm not going to see you again, ever. Please stop sending things to my address now as its quite disconcerting. I'm sorry for confusing you and leading you on. I wish you all the best and hope you can find peace. I'll give you a chance to respond and say goodbye and then I'm cutting all contact.

Great video by the way Shin. 5 out of 7 of those points definitely apply to her. I won't send it though as it'll just go in one ear and out the other. Plus I don't want to be the one dishing out the life lessons. After all it's not like I have it all nailed. 

46 minutes ago, iTommy said:

@Wisebaxter

I saw your thread a couple of weeks back about her. I am proud of you in a way, that you chose to cut off contact, this isn't something that many would do, I'd assume. She seems quite clingy, and I think it's quite a huge red flag that she's cheating on this guy. If I were you and got together with her (affair, relationships or similar), I would feel bad too and I wouldn't trust her not to cheat on me. 

If possible, I'd recommend making it clear to her, that you don't want to keep this thing between you two going. Tell her the truth, in a way where she recognizes that there isn't a "but" or "maybe" in what you say, but that it's definite.

You got this!

Thanks for saying you're proud bro! That means a lot to me. Even my own father held back that little gem of a line lol. Well, we'll see what she comes back with now. I gave her the chance to say goodbye. 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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Posted (edited)

55 minutes ago, laptophaver said:

@Wisebaxter are you spiritual? 

@laptophaver I'm not one hundred percent sure what that means, but I think the answer is yes, I try to be. Guess I didn't do too well a couple of weeks ago when I slept with her though. And yeah I'm still having issues with temptation. Very good question you asked though. Powerful. In fact, there's not much more that needs to be said. To be spiritual is to make wise decisions that alleviate suffering or potential suffering. Well, I've blocked her again now. Thanks for your input. 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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@Wisebaxter She's not that attracted to you. It's simply her vicious mental pattern taking over. If she were your girlfriend, she would be meeting with other guys as well.

Give the gifts back to her. Tell her that if she doesn't accept them, you'll throw them away of donate them. Also, tell her that if she insists on contacting you, you will tell her boyfriend.

You seem to be unaware of the amount of suffering that you're helping perpetuate.


unborn Truth

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23 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

@Wisebaxter She's not that attracted to you. It's simply her vicious mental pattern taking over. If she were your girlfriend, she would be meeting with other guys as well.

Give the gifts back to her. Tell her that if she doesn't accept them, you'll throw them away of donate. Also, tell her that if she insists on contacting you, you will tell her boyfriend.

You seem to be unaware of the amount of suffering that you're helping perpetuate.

@ajasatya Ok, just told her I was going to throw it out if I couldn't send it back. She seems to have got the message now. Have held off from threatening to tell her fella though. That's a bit much at this stage. I will do though if she persists.

 

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4 hours ago, Shin said:
4 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

Oh she also asked me to get her pregnant as that would help her leave him. And I've known her about a month. Very strange girl. 

 

lol is this even a question anymore 

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13 hours ago, d0ornokey said:

@d0ornokeylol is this even a question anymore

I hear ya buddy. My logic was being clouded by lust I think. Plus I hadn't met anyone I'd clicked with so well in a while. 

Anyway, she's gone now. I took the advice given here and made some decisive moves. Feel better now, although kind of sad that the one girl I happened to have a real connection with was unavailable. Oh well. Better to have loved and lost. I think. 

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