ivankiss

GOD - The Cosmic Artist

18 posts in this topic

As I was lying in my bed, unable to fall asleep due to caffeine overdose, I suddenly became inspired to share a few thoughts about The Almighty One. 

I also felt like touching upon the two stages of awakening and how the proper recognition of those may benefit your well being as well as your understanding and overall progress. 

Hopefully; we'll come full circle. 

Please note that I am sharing information strictly based on my direct experience. My views may contradict your beliefs, perspectives or experiences. 

So what is GOD?

Well...I am born of silence...So what am I to say? 

Ultimately;  God is just that; God.

And even that is too much to say about "it". One cannot say God is this or that, simply because that would imply exclusion of everything else that is not this or that. Can't say it's Everything; because that excludes Nothing. Can't say it's me, because that excludes you. There is nothing that can be said about God. God simply is; perfect and magnificent as one can and cannot possibly imagine. So my humble opinion is, that instead of trying to point towards God; one should focus on allowing God to flow through them to the best of their abilities. That way; one may recognize God and God may experience itself through the individual.

And don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with exploring the nature of everything, the foundations of existence or the structure of reality. Exploration is exciting. Just be careful not to loose it along the way. For the rabbit hole has no end. Such is the nature of God.

The moment you think "you got it" is the moment you've completely lost it. 

There is nothing to get, really. 

God is a dreamer. An imaginaire. A grand scale artist. All God ever does is painting; on and on. Forever. In all directions. You might reach a perfect understanding of one of God's masterpieces, study it for decades, write a book about it, teach others about it - meanwhile - God has painted trillions of new, unique paintings and has no intention of ever stopping. 

God is out of control. 

So where am I going with this? Well, nowhere, really. Just painting ya a picture. 

In the stage one of your awakening; it was all about figuring out who the hell you truly are. Finding your authentic self. Returning to your innocence. Eliminating everything else that you supposedly were not. The mindfuck of course being; that on the day of your graduation, you'd have to invite all those things back in - recognizing them as yourself, after all. You've seen through all the illusions, transcended karmic cycles, and tadaa! The Truth has been realized. You have been realized. But that is just one chapter of this ever-expanding journey. God's masterpiece. 

Once graduated; you may spend some time resting as pure awareness. Engage in nothing. Perhaps brag about your enlightenment and let everyone know how you have reached the top of the mountain. But soon enough; you'll come to the conclusion, that you must climb all the way down, back to ground zero. Because that is where your wisdom and mastery is put to the test. That's where you show what enlightenment is really all about.

That is God's masterplan. 

In the stage two of your awakening you come back to the body/mind. Back to the character. Back to the persona. Back to "illusion". Back to simple, everyday life. Full commitment. Willingly and in spite of "knowing it all" and "seeing it all". As if nothing has ever happened. 

If you really are the master you claimed to be while on the top of the mountain; you will not break character upon your return. You will not act as anything more than anybody else. You will not feel superior to anyone. You will respect all other aspects of God. The enlightened self will be activated and it will not scream for attention. There will be no need to point towards it. You will recognize the power of simplicity and humbleness. You will listen carefully, talk calmly, open doors for strangers and smile like a kid throughout your whole being. You will be eager to play. To express. To create. To laugh. To interact. To experience. To explore. To love unconditionally; silently. You will feel into your every move. Every step. You will smile at the magic unfolding in front of your eyes. You will appreciate diversity and see beauty in everything. Even the most mundane stuff. And even when things seem to go not exactly your way. You will appreciate the ups and downs. Enjoy the whole ride - the whole journey. You will be passionate about being. You will be in tune with your body. Respect your needs. Further develop your skills. Discover new ones. Share them all with the world. You will integrate experiences. You will simply live life consciously; grounded in peace and love. 

And why...You might ask?

For no reason at all.

It's just how the cosmic artist painted it all.

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Thank you for the post..

on any other day this post would have made me feel so peaceful and loving , but today it made me freak out.

ever since I watched the video on Leo blog “total omniscience”, I’ve been feeling th come up of a panic attack that subsides. 

When leo spoke about what reality was, and how we imagined and created everything, it took me right back to that bad mushroom trip and I started to panick. It’s like a part of me deeply refuses to accept that this is imagining. the idea that I IMAGINED everything and nothing exist drives me to existential terror and psychotic breakdown (the verge of). 

Those were ideas that I used to love to ponder. But maybe th e bad trip made me realize perhaps I don’t want to know the truth . I just feel terror instead of curiosity or love. 

What do you think it’s happening?why this massive resistance to the Truth. Why this terror like never before? What you spoke of was so beautiful, but I had to even close my eyes half way through, felt my heart beat fast and mind going fuzzzy. I had the summer ahead of me to experiment more psychedelics yet here I am being terrified to find out more. 

What should I do now? Get on with life , confront this terror? 

It all started with that mushroom trip. But that terror did not get awaken until I watched Leo’s video on total omniscience. 

Thank you for your advice. I posted it here because your post has elicited similar feelings in me as did the video. 

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@lostmedstudent Thank you for sharing that. It is beautiful to see how honest and open you are about it all. Many would rather hide or deny their fears instead of admitting them to themselves. As if that would make them seem any less enlightened xD

I definitely can recognize myself in what you described. I too had a "hard to swallow" trip that shuttered my whole reality; leaving me with nothing. My first taste of Truth was not exactly sweet. I struggled with PTSD for quite a while. My intention back then was not to face the absolute, at all. It completely knocked me off guard. 

But curiosity was stronger, and afterwards I continued exploring how exactly it is that I create my own reality. I continued going down the rabbit hole; coming across new shocking realizations with each step I made. Took me nearly three years to put everything together, so to speak. To explain everything to myself that happened on that terrifying night I tripped out of my mind.

Was not a walk in the park. Especially the final few steps. I say final, even though the rabbit hole is endless, simply because I now feel like I've seen enough to not question the nature of everything and simply continue walking my path; doing what I love the most and am the most passionate about. It's almost as if I have no other choice. But I remember clearly that the choice was made by me.

To claim full responsibility of our lives is not easy. Can feel like you are paralyzed and trapped in a corner; left with no options. My biggest fear was that I would not be able to continue what I started. Contribute to God's masterpiece. Leave my mark. And of course as I slowly overcame that fear; the path was clear once again and I was free to walk it. Even though at that time it seemed like everthing is collapsing right down on me and my breath is being taken away.

I do not know how deep you dived into the rabbit hole. So it may be difficult to give any useful advice. But what I concluded is that if something is clearly telling you to not go down that road; you should take a turn. Find your centre. It does not matter how everything seems as long as you're in peace and your heart is fulfilled. You are the truth, already. Decide in which direction you want to take it. How you want to express it. Be conscious of what you're putting through and out there. That is how you create your life, really. 

Cannot say much about Leo's videos as I was not watching them for a while now. I think he's doing his thing to the best of his abilities. He is clearly passionate about it. What will everyone else take away is another story. 

Hope that helps is any way. 

Cheers!

 

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@ivankiss Thanks for the beautiful painting. :x

@lostmedstudent Have you ever done any mild "fear setting" exercises? They can be something like pushing yourself to talk to someone you don't know, going for a walk outside in the dark if it's safe, anything that pushes your comfort zone. They almost always turn out to be exhilarating and fun. I would suggest reframing how you look at fear and also trying to push the boundaries, gently, when you are ready. Also do you follow any other nonduality teachers other than Leo?  Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, and Pema Chodron are my favorites when I get spooked. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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7 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

Thank you for the post..

on any other day this post would have made me feel so peaceful and loving , but today it made me freak out.

ever since I watched the video on Leo blog “total omniscience”, I’ve been feeling th come up of a panic attack that subsides. 

When leo spoke about what reality was, and how we imagined and created everything, it took me right back to that bad mushroom trip and I started to panick. It’s like a part of me deeply refuses to accept that this is imagining. the idea that I IMAGINED everything and nothing exist drives me to existential terror and psychotic breakdown (the verge of). 

Those were ideas that I used to love to ponder. But maybe th e bad trip made me realize perhaps I don’t want to know the truth . I just feel terror instead of curiosity or love. 

What do you think it’s happening?why this massive resistance to the Truth. Why this terror like never before? What you spoke of was so beautiful, but I had to even close my eyes half way through, felt my heart beat fast and mind going fuzzzy. I had the summer ahead of me to experiment more psychedelics yet here I am being terrified to find out more. 

What should I do now? Get on with life , confront this terror? 

It all started with that mushroom trip. But that terror did not get awaken until I watched Leo’s video on total omniscience. 

Thank you for your advice. I posted it here because your post has elicited similar feelings in me as did the video. 

I think my terrifying stuff started after a bad trip too. Sad that a bad trip (my first and only trip) fucked me up for life.

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@ivankiss i dont think i went much down the rabbit hole. the idea of enlightenment was so appealing to me, along with the use of psychedelics as aid. the thought alone was motivating for me to pursue that "state". i used to read breakthrough trip reports on this website and my mind would be filled with love and excitement to experience all of "nothingness", "oneness", the absolute, the god etc for myself. 

but everything was conceptual, everything was a fantasy because i had no idea what nothingness really meant. i never thought the road can be horrifying. i knew it was hard but i thought the achievement would be love and bliss instead of terror. 

so i tried mushrooms, and i took too much of it. and i was sent to a place that my body and mind was not ready for. i felt like stuck in thoughts the whole trip. my mind was racing to different places and theres an awareness that was FREAKING OUT. i panicked and panicked and ended up in an ambulance . it was so twisted i hardly got anything out of it. was just so glad it was over. that was back in april. life then went on and i got no lingering effects from that trip whatsoever, until this : https://www.actualized.org/insights/total-omniscience-awakening

that video hit me hard. because the mushroom opened my mind and made me experience what reaching enlightenment could feel and how horrifying that could be for my ego. so my body and mind start to panic. it was scary but almost addicting for have that sense of fear. once the fear subsides, i look a bit forward to the next one because i can sense a bigger force behind the fear, i can feel that breaking the fear will open more doors for me, but as the fear runs through me, i am never able to let myself go and lean in to it because i dont want to find out that this is all imagination. 

yet i do want to find out. 

maybe this is just another story i tell myself. maybe i have NO IDEA still what it feels like , and i just freak myself out because my ego doesnt want to experience the bad trip again. 

thank you for your reply! it was very helpful :)

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@mandyjw ive stumbled upon some of the people you mentioned but i dont follow their contents. maybe i should. because lately everytime i listen to leos stuff or read some of the posts, it can drive me to a panic . maybe i need some thing more soothing. 

i have done fear settings (is it the tim ferries thing?) once or twice when dealing with a dilemma. 

i should confront my fear , i know. but my mind is too distracting these days it does a good job at avoiding manythings. 

thank you :)

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@Mikael89 How can you know for sure it fucked you up for life?

What if the "fuck up" is exactly what was necessary for you to unfuck yourself? xD Your greatest evolution? Even if it might not be apparent from where you are standing right now.

What happened - happened. 

You decide what will you make out of it. Choose something that will feel good and possibly help others too 9_9

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4 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Mikael89 How can you know for sure it fucked you up for life?

What if the "fuck up" is exactly what was necessary for you to unfuck yourself? xD Your greatest evolution? Even if it might not be apparent from where you are standing right now.

What happened - happened. 

You decide what will you make out of it. Choose something that will feel good and possibly help others too 9_9

I don't know.

Maybe.

Whatever happens, happens.

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@Mikael89 Yes. And you choose the lenses through which you look at what happens and also how you feel and/or think about it.

That is how something that you will enjoy is more likely to happen. 

@lostmedstudent It's funny how similar our bad trip experiences were. I also ended up in a hospital. Was dragged there by several cops too haha. It was crazy. But here's a thing;

I needed that experience. It was relevant for me. I purged unlike ever before. Cleared lifetimes of baggage. It was the most intense experience ever and I would not wish it for anybody. But I came to a point where now I can see why that had to happen. I see the choices I made that led me to that experience. It was necessary for my evolution. I matured and claimed full responsibility since. 

Exploring the unknown always comes with a certain degree of fear. And I know the feeling of being terrified but simultaneously being unable to stop digging deeper. It's very contradicting. Can seem as if you're going mad. But let me reassure you; it only seems that way. Feels that way. Despite of it being convincing as hell; it's a phase. The sky eventually clears and you realize you are just fine. Loved and supported. Always were and will be.

However; I would suggest you to take a break from all this spiritual woo hoo if you find yourself to be overwhelmed. Zoom out for a while. Forget about it all. Do simple things that make you feel good and safe. Come back to it with a clear mind. Refreshed. Centered. 

Enlightenment is certainly not something that should be forced or chased down. Your well being comes first. Being stable and balanced. You will not miss out on anything. May as well connect a few dots; by not pushing so hard.  

Pursue anything that you are passionate about and find it exciting. Create some space for the breath. You are doing fine.

Imagination is a beautiful thing. It only seems scary if you imagine it to be scary. 

Use it so that you feel good. You can always find a perspective through which things seem nicer.

Wish you the best.

Peace. 

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Posted (edited)

Nice. Only God can know God through direct awarness. God is God. I've had so many experiences, I have no doubt about the existence of God. God IS reality. 

Edited by Conrad

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@ivankiss really well said. It's obvious you've lived through the various stages and are actively integrating them. 

Most on this forum have not been through stage 2 as you've dubbed it. It's very much like that famous Alan Watts quote:

Quote

 

“If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen.”


― Alan Watts

 

 

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@hundreth Awesome quote! Never heard of it before xD Did not listen to Alan's teachings, either. Might as well check him out one of these days. 

Integration is necessary. Insights are meant to be applied in actuality. In everyday life. Otherwise they just keep piling up and have no actual use, other than creating confusion.

They must be practical and helpful. 

I like how Matt Kahn put it;

"Something can be interesting,  but not useful."

For example; 

Saying that it's all an illusion is interesting - but not very helpful.

 

 

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@ivankiss thank you for the wise words. Appreciate it .

one thing for sure is that nothing is permanent, including that state of fear. I am going to start meditating again and take a break from the non duality forums and such. 

Im glad we got to share this and had your response. It’s awesome!

 

take care

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On 25/6/2019 at 1:39 AM, lostmedstudent said:

@ivankiss what is the best way to integrate an experience ? 

 

There is no one best way. You must figure out what works best for you.

To me; the process occurs rather naturally. I had a strong sense of purpose ever since I was a child. A mission. A storyline.

Every step I take is a choice that leads me closer to "completing" that mission. Every choice I make is connected to my purpose. And if it does not seem that way; I investigate. Put things into their place. It's like solving a puzzle. 

I simply reflect back onto my experiences and try my best to see the benefits and understand how they are bringing me closer. Moving me forward. I give my best to learn all the lessons along the way.

Being as present as possible during the actual experience makes the integration process a lot easier and even effortless. Things start falling into their place naturally and you understand why you make the choices you do and how everything that happens is helping you.

Hope that makes some sense to you. 

Bless!

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