5 day solo meditation retreat at home

[apparentlynoself]

After 450 days of daily meditation, I have decided that i want to bring it up a level. So this is why I decided to make this retreat at home. Now, the reason why I am doing it at home is because I still live with my parents and I can't really just go to some fancy place (because i would have to explain to them what i am doing and that could be a very painful process as they are at stage blue of the spiral). Even with these circumstances, they are relatively quiet so it shouldn't pose a big problem to me. 

The plan that I have made will start off from tomorrow (monday) and it goes as follows:

07:10-08:00 -meditation using the breath

08:05-08:55 -healing meditation, as i like to call it. It is basically listening to binaural beats, solfeggio frequencies, etc...

09:00-09:10- Tai Chi

10:30-11:20- Meditation using do nothing technique

12:10-13:00 -mantra meditation

15:20-16:10 -Healing meditation

17:20-18:10- Meditation do nothing

18:20-18:30- Tai chi

18:40-19:10 Healing meditation

 

This amounts to 330 minutes of meditation for just one day. Usually, i do 50 minutes and this will be a challenge for me. In total, i will be doing 1650 mins of meditation throughout the 5 days, which equals about 33 days of meditation for 50 mins. That means that i will have put a month worth of meditation into 5 days. This is my first retreat so i hope it goes well. You can comment on what you think about it and will it succeed. Thanks!

[apparentlynoself]

I've got some terrible news: The retreat failed. The ego has won the battle. After waking up at 7 and meditating to 8 and then doing some tai chi, I just started getting random thoughts, like for eg. When am i going to go to the dentist? Even though this retreat was an epic fail that lasted just over 1h, at least i have learned a lesson. And it is that the ego is the strongest enemy that i have and that it is extremely self deceptive to the point that it does not even reveal itself as self deceptive.

[Odysseus]

@apparentlynoself How is thinking about random stuff an epic fail? I don't get it. You're monkey-mind is almost always active during meditation isn't it? As long as you don't leave your cushion and your house to finally go to your dentist, you don't fail. Don't be too hard to yourself. Also don't demonize the ego it's 'part' of the absolute. Try to accept it  all the best on your path 

[apparentlynoself]

@Odysseus it's an epic fail because after doing the first hour of the retreat, i stopped it due to ego. It just started rationalising why i should quit the retreat. And i obviously bought in, as this was my first retreat

[Odysseus]

@apparentlynoself Ok, now I understand. Next time try to push through the resistance. I've done two 7-day solo-retreats and both times I had one day were I couldn't meditate longer than 1 hour in total because my monkey-mind didn't turn silent. But I had the place booked so leaving wasn't an option 

Next time it will work for you, just try to stay relaxed even if your schedule doesn't work as you planned. It is not about the time you spend meditating but about the depth you surrender to conscious expierience. Much love 

[Bill W]

I love your honesty. You'll get there. You have heart. 

I am more speaking out loud here than specifically aiming it at you but I do wonder sometimes if people over emphasise meditation. I think it's crucial don't get me wrong. I think it's actually essential, but, I do sometimes sense a flavour that people think if only they meditated more or meditated all day everything else would get better. Not saying that's what you think. You haven't alluded to that at all.

It's just that for me personally (and my journey is different to yours)  if I was having a retreat I'd make meditation a big focus but not the entire focus. I personally think a retreat should encompass a variety of spiritual practices. Things like being in nature, connecting with like minded people, reading, self inquiry (not sure about this one though), exercise, watching an uplifting spiritual film can all be part of a spiritual holiday / retreat. 

You can say it's the ego stopping you. You might be correct, but perhaps you just weren't as committed and enthusiastic about it as you thought you were. 

Edited June 25, 2019 by Bill W

[apparentlynoself]

@Bill W i agree. But hopefully, someday, i will be able to do a retreat properly. For now, i'll just continue meditating, doing some tai chi and nadi shodhana.