How To Stop Caring What Others Think Of Me?

[The Don]

Hello. 

I have a little problem.

Me and my brother (he's 25 years old) don't get along very well. He has a victim mentality and continues to blame me for his problems almost on a daily basis. He wants me to give him money and food.

I told him that I can't support him anymore and to be on his own. Since I told him that, he doesn't respect me anymore. He just kinda' hates me and there is nothing I can do about it because he's not able or he doesn't want to embrace responsibility. 

Recently I found out that he talks about me (gossip) with his friends and people I know all sorts of nonsense. And the problem is that they believe him. People I know are stopping me on the street and asking me about the made up bullshit of my brother. They believe him, not me.

 

What should I do? Even if I explain myself, they still believe the bullshit of my brother.

 

How can I get over this? It is so frustrating.

[OctagonOctopus]

Can you close all communication with him? 

Edited June 11, 2019 by OctagonOctopus

[DrewNows]

 

[The Don]

17 minutes ago, OctagonOctopus said:

Can you close all communication with him? 

I did stop communicating with him but he keeps talking sh*t about me with people I know. 

[ajasatya]

@The Don Tell your friends the truth about what's happening and tell them to confront what your brother is saying about you. Build a shield made of truth. It's that simple.

[Pure Imagination]

@The Don You made the right choice deciding not to support him. If someone is emotionally hostile to you that often then they aren’t worth your time.

Your brother’s friends are going to believe what they’re going to believe. Same with people at large. Just explain what actually happened and that’s all you need to do. The only people you really need to be concerned about are your close friends and family. Hopefully they’ll be well enough judges of character to know that you are telling the truth.

 

3 hours ago, The Don said:

How can I get over this? It is so frustrating.

Don’t feel like you need to! It is perfectly valid to feel the way you do about this. Maybe try to find some empathy for your brother - he acted at the level of consciousness he was at at the time. “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”  

[StarStruck]

It is important not to be reactive. If he sees it has an impact he knows that is your weak part and he will continue to manipulate you through the weak part. Also you want your brother to do something. Perhaps you should rethink your strategy and approach so he doesn’t feel cut off. 

Book recommendation: “Friend or Foe” by Galinsky. 

Edited June 14, 2019 by StarStruck

[LastThursday]

It's my projection, but It seems like your brother has become dependant on you for his own survival. But because you're not willing or can't provide enough to help him survive, he blames you. Now you've cut him off, he has become hostile or angry and is using his friends as a way to show you that, because he's unable to do it himself directly.

His anger will subside in time, and the gossip will stop. Perhaps he will eventually learn to fend for himself, or find someone else to use as a crutch. But he's not your responsibility if you don't want him to be.

My advice is to just tell the truth to counter the gossip and to wait it out.

Edited June 14, 2019 by LastThursday

[kag101]

Wow, that's a pretty fucked up thing... 

Well, I think that if others are believing in the BS your brother is telling them, and they are judging you and have stopped talking with you; then, maybe they're not worthy of your friendship.  

You deserve better friends who trust you.

That's what came to mind. I hope it helps...