Is polyamory/open relationships stage green?

[tenta]

I'm not into that but it can be stage green

[Rilles]

You can be Stage Green without adopting every single value. If you want to have one love for the rest of your life then do that!

Its more about core motivation. Blue is about keeping together your society through rules. Orange is about individual pleasure and success. Green is about love and connection. 

Edited June 9, 2019 by Rilles

[Sempiternity]

Yeah, it's not easy. Takes alot of self awareness to let go of all those insecurities. But, again, without Compersion, there's nothing but heartbreak in your future with Poly without it. 

On a side note, a quick story about my very first Poly relationship. I was about 25 at the time. Never even heard of polyamory. She was very experienced, with many partners. After our first night together, the next day, I received an email from a couple of her main partners. I was scared to open it. They wanted to thank me for showing her such a good night and said she was glowing the next day. And welcomed me to their poly family. This showed me how it can be. Each person added, ads more love, not takes it away. At least that's how it can be. 

[Thetruthseeker]

@Jed Vassallo thanks for the post. 

And no, I couldn’t cope with them ideas you mentioned. The answer would be ‘no’ for being ok with my partner with someone else etc 

 

i guess it was just a wonder of whether it’s a more ‘advanced’ thing to be ok with it. And that open minded. And whether I should try and have it as a future goal. 

But right now. I couldn’t do it. I definitely couldn’t watch them with someone else. 

Plus plenty of stage green are monogamous i think. So it seems more a personal choice than a necessity. That’s what I’m hoping anyway! 

[Shadowraix]

@Jed Vassallo Your words are beautifully written here. It does taken a lot of growth to do poly relationships. Requires a lot of selflessness but unfortunately I think it is often dived into with a intention of selfishness. This creates a pretty bad reputation on polyamory. Such as getting accused of just wanting to fuck other women.

[Shin]

28 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

@Jed Vassallo Your words are beautifully written here. It does taken a lot of growth to do poly relationships. Requires a lot of selflessness but unfortunately I think it is often dived into with a intention of selfishness. This creates a pretty bad reputation on polyamory. Such as getting accused of just wanting to fuck other women.

There is people that are genuinely poly but shamed by our culture, and without proper guidance and/or consciousness they stay in an unhealthy cycle of trying to stay in monogamous relationships.
This must be really hard for those people, because our cultural stage of developement is too immature to fully understand that it can be something that is real, and not just some people that are selfish/lustful.


There is also people that are genuinely monogamous, and have zero need to have more than one partner, either emotionally or sexually.
 

It is not like there is a definite and more truthful way to embrace relationships, it depends on our own personal inclination.
We just need to be honest with ourselves and not cling to one particular way because of cultural conditioning, or social influence.

Not so easy to know, because what feels wrong or off, can be determined by those things, even though our personal preference can be what we feels is wrong/off.

The mind is tricky

Edited June 11, 2019 by Shin

[Shadowraix]

@Shin I agree. I am poly myself but choose to be in a monogamous relationship. It's just easier. 

There's also a big misconception that poly people can't do monogamous stuff. It's just they aren't restricted to it. 

[XYZ]

Monogamy came about in stage Blue, and that stage holds it as the only way to live, just like a form of religious dogma.

Orange becomes more hedonistic and self-centered, is not restricted to this narrow view of sex and relationships. Humanity at this stage is open minded enough to explore their sexuality freely. They can have any kind of relationships, or none whatsoever if it suits them. Stage Orange sexuality I would call "sexual capitalism" which is the place where PUA, MGTOW, incels, cuckoldry, hookup culture, prostitution, swinging, polyamory as an ideology and cheating come from.

Stage Green turns away from individualism back to a community orientation. At this stage, people realize that they can't own other people, and there is no right way or best way to have relationships, they can have traditional monogamy, but aren't limited to it, nor rebelling against it. It is also acknowledging human sexual nature and the diversity of it. Other persons' needs and wants are considered, with open communication, honest about our intentions. You can also have stage green celibacy, which can be voluntarily alone because you feel it's what works best for you, or an equanimity in accepting your lack of desired relationships.

[Yasser]

 

It is not your choice to decide. It is your GF decision  

if you love her more than you think, you'll accept it easily. if not, life will go on as it should 

[Pernani]

On 09/06/2019 at 4:13 AM, Jed Vassallo said:

I've been in Poly relationships most of my life. There is one question you need to ask yourself if your thinking about it. If you can't answer yes, then don't even consider it, cause it will always always lead to pain and suffering. Can you have your partner have sex with someone else and you enjoy it? Can they go on a date and you want to hear all the details when they come home? Can you be happy for them in their sexual experiences with others? Can you go as far to watch them have sex with someone else, and have nothing but love in your heart for their experience? If you can't, don't even attempt it. If you're doing it to get more sex with other, but don't want you partner to do the same, it will lead to failure. If you are tolerating your partner going on dates, it will lead to failure. If you say you're ok with it, but in your heart you're really not, it will lead to heartbreak. If you're doing to make them happy, at the cost of your own happiness, it will quickly fail. Only way it works, is 'Compersion', which is 'feeling of joy or happiness (and sometimes even arousal) for your partner's happiness with their other partner(s)'. If you can't mature and evolve to the point of compersion for you partner, then don't even attempt it. There are so many emotional landminds with polyamory, not many people can handle it. Only way is through unconditional love and letting go of control. 

I know I'm dusting off this topic, but I wanted to ask you how did you get to the point of being accepting of all of those things? Is it just something that was natural, that you just never felt that jealousy and possessiveness, or did you do something to overcome all of that? 

[PenguinPablo]

@Joel3102 johnny soporno

[vindicated erudite]

Open relationships aren't really for me. As a male my paternal instincts favour that I lean towards monogamy as it secures the chances that children born from my partner are more guaranteed to be mine.

[Octafish]

Me and my girlfriend are both pretty much stage green as far as my understanding of SD goes. We have some mutual friends that are in a polyamorous relationship so we've been discussing our views on that a couple of times. Neither of us seem to think that it's an off the wall idea and that we both probably could see ourselves being polyamorous sometime if the time was right. 

Granted, as of now we are monogamous. Our "reasoning" is that we both feel romantically satiesfied by eachother in combination with being in our early twenties, and trying to fit in more partners into our weeks crammed with studying stuff we are passionate about, wageslaving at the weekends, socialisation with friends, reading books and some spiritual practises (on my part) would just become such a hassle. (And I do, at least in theory, buy in to the idea of Lifestyle Minimalism™ ?)

Outside of that we also did theorize a bit about the risk of just starting to use the feeling of having a new partner as a distraction and using it to procrastinate other stuff that mighy be more important. (But that's not neccesarely a thing exclusive to polyamoury and more of a potential trap than an argument against it.)

So anyways that's my green thinking about why I'm not up to polyamory at the moment, hope you find some value in it!