Whenever Im about to die on psychedelics I regret taking it

[Chives99]

Enlightenment seems cool and that it will solve my problems, Ive taken various psychedelics and are some what familiar with them. I can't seem to get passes the horror of dying though. When I feel myself going away, my mind goes nuts and says things like "psychedelics are illegal to stop you from killing yourself, the police are trying to keep you alive" "burn the packet, get rid of your psyche sources, never ever do them ever again" "you're going to come back down Charlie, you won't die, your life will go on as normal" I stare into the abyss, but Im unwanting to die which impedes me from death. I eventually come back down and see how my mind was being a devil and not wanting to face its own death. It makes me afraid to take them again as ego death is extremely scary. Wondering how to get passed this fear. Maybe I'm not meant to be enlightened in this life. 

Edited May 29, 2019 by Chives99

[Hellspeed]

This shit ain't easy. In reallity is pain, is so great in the core that if one clings to the ego, usually panic attacks arises.

This is my 3rd year of constant dark night of he soul. It gets easier with time and exp.

[Shadowraix]

Do your usual personal development work then come back to psychedelics if you'd like to ease into it. Otherwise you are going to have to ignore the strong impulse of the mind to maintain its self image and go head on. Which the latter isn't for everyone. 

[Chives99]

I was thinking of just keep doing them with meditation and hope eventually my mind will get tired and Dissolve 

[ColdFacts]

You have to give that away freely not with the intention to gain something because that will cause even more resistance, get your facts straight, you will lose your ego and maybe you gain nothing maybe you gain something these are the conditions, are you willing to risk? then make a decision.

[Nahm]

It’s possible that the notion “enlightenment will solve my problems” is the ‘blockage’ at play when you reach the point of transcendence on the psychedelic. It will certainly change perspective in entirety, which imo is very helpful and beneficial. But it won’t “fix problems”. So maybe the resistance is actually knowing you’ll still be tasked with “fixing things”. If so, go directly to these “things that need to be fixed”. If it’s your choices, habits, etc, then go directly to the sensations when they arise, and do not get sucked into thought stories about the sensations. If it’s choices about life, life direction, etc, then go straight to that too. Write whatever it is on a piece of paper, stay with the arising sensations. After any overwhelming sensations pass, the Understanding will arise. The clarity will shine through having accepted & embraced the sensation. 

Also, you are the same you which never dies, right now as you’re reading this. It is the conceptual you, the idea of you, your self image, etc - which “dies”. Using the word death for this is both exactly accurate, and also very misleading. This is because you are currently working with your idea of you, and your idea of death. Death turns out to be a falsity, a collective belief. Simultaneously, it is revealed that there is no physical, and so no physical you. Did a “you” actually “die” - no. Your idea of you, which you (as a person) created, “dies”. It never actually was a “thing”, just a cluster of thoughts and ideas, just an image. 

You (God) created a you (person), which created a separate self (conceptual) you. But, in actuality, you have just been the One Infinite You this whole “time”. 

...meanwhile...you’re perfect. The notion you need any “fixing” is just a thought. 

[Chives99]

@Nahm

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

It’s possible that the notion “enlightenment will solve my problems” is the ‘blockage’ at play when you reach the point of transcendence on the psychedelic. It will certainly change perspective in entirety, which imo is very helpful and beneficial. But it won’t “fix problems”. So maybe the resistance is actually knowing you’ll still be tasked with “fixing things”. If so, go directly to these “things that need to be fixed”. If it’s your choices, habits, etc, then go directly to the sensations what they arise, and do not get sucked into thought stories about the sensations. If it’s choices about life, life direction, etc, then go straight to that too. Write whatever it is on a piece paper, stay with arising sensations. After any overwhelming sensations pass, the Understanding will arise. The clarity will shine through having accepted & embraced the sensation. 

Also, you are the same you which never dies, right now as you’re reading this. It is the conceptual you, the idea of you, your self image, etc - which “dies”. Using the word death for this is both exactly accurate, and also very misleading. This is because you are currently working with your idea of you, and your idea of death. Death turns out to be a falsity, a collective belief. Simultaneously, it is revealed that there is no physical, and so no physical you. Did a “you” actually “die” - no. Your idea of you, which you (as a person) created, “dies”. It never actually was a “thing”, just a cluster of thoughts and ideas, just an image. 

You (God) created a you (person), which created a separate self (conceptual) you. But, in actuality, you have just been the One Infinite You this whole “time”. 

...meanwhile...you’re prefect. The notion you need any “fixing” is just a thought. 

I guess I truly feel my identity is keeping me safe from avoiding past mistakes and lack of awareness, I define myself I know where I stand and how to improve, death would get rid of that knowing 

[Nahm]

38 minutes ago, Chives99 said:

 

I guess I truly feel my identity is keeping me safe from avoiding past mistakes

That will still be present. Bless those ‘past mistakes’. They expanded your consciousness & your frame of reference. You learned more deeply what you don’t want, and what you do want. That is truly priceless. Awakening will only expand this more. 

and lack of awareness,

Your awareness is so infinite and Good, that you literally created a reality so convincing that you actually, genuinely believe that you lacked awareness. That is amazing, and you - regular you here and now - did it. Not you in some far off fantasy, but you here now in THIS fantasy which you have created. You are so amazing we are left using words like amazing because you can’t actually be verbalized. Seriously. You are so amazing you take my breath away. You are a realitynaut.  Think about that man. You are ‘out here in reality’, without a net, without certainty, with zero guarantee’s of any kind - and you’re living. Brass balls imo.

I define myself I know where I stand and how to improve, death would get rid of that knowing 

No it won’t. From the ‘consciousness level’ that thought defines you, comes the inherent misunderstanding that you can be improved. Sounds like you are on top of that. That you know what you want to improve & how to go about doing it. The difference would be that you would know, or at least glimpse the actuality. Then, you would know that you are “not-that”. You are perfect, exactly how you are. Then, you are just making choices, which make changes. 

That “knowing”, is finite thought, achieved from you - infinite being -  limiting itself. That finite thought, “death would get rid of that knowing”, is literally made of the infinite intelligence that you are. “It” Loves you unconditionally. My advice in a nutshell is, meet it there. Psychedelics or otherwise.