Rilles

Shadow Journal

197 posts in this topic

Here is my journal doing Shadow Work

Feel free to post your comments. 

 

 

Tuesday 21 May

 

Triggered by:

 

”Why are you so quiet...? You never say much...”

 

I am quiet.

Thats okay.

Its cool to be quiet sometimes.

People sometimes feel safer around reserved people.

Theyre good at listening.

Theres is nothing wrong with being the cool quiet sage. ;)

Silence is nice! Especially when I meditate.

 

How has your silence helped you?

When I was a child I had to keep quiet to avoid angering my father.

Ive kept alot of things inside.

That has been my way of protecting myself. My silence served a purpose.

 

Its okay to be quiet.

Its even good to be quiet.

Its good to listen.

 

I have a few memories of being told to be quiet.

 

-One time when I was about 4 years old I yelled out a profanity sitting on a meadow relaxing with my brothers, they all told me to be quiet while they all laughed at my sudden outburst of ”motherfuucccker”

 

-One time on the bus (4 years old) I yelled out my mothers age and told her she should change profession because shes getting older, she was only 50, she got embarrased by that and I didnt say anything like that again.

 

-When my father would argue and fight with my family; if I would interject with a comment he would tell me ”SHUT UP KID!”

this has happened too many times too count.

 

But its okay, this is a part of me, I cherish it, I use it.

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I’m sure you are quite good at being self aware and understanding others. Are there times when your shadow side comes out? Are there times when you’d like the shadow to be comfortable expressing itself? 

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3 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I’m sure you are quite good at being self aware and understanding others. Are there times when your shadow side comes out?

In this case it comes out when I blame myself for getting tounge-tied or not having the social skills I want. I blame myself alot.

Are there times when you’d like the shadow to be comfortable expressing itself? 

Thats the work. I want to be comfortable with being who I am but I can feel the resistance from so many years of not being comfortable with it. Its like I dont want to allow it but at the same time life is showing me who I am all the time. 

 

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Do you have friends or family who turn you into a chatter box often when you’re around them? 

Sounds like you have a self critique inside perpetuating the behavior. This has been exactly the case for me 

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Posted (edited)

11 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Do you have friends or family who turn you into a chatter box often when you’re around them? 

Oh yes absolutely, I can go on incredible rants/ have incredible discussions with my brothers, my mom and best friends. Its mostly meeting new people that causes alot of fear and sometimes inside my family too, it depends alot. Im not a one-trick pony kind of quiet guy, alot of back and forth. :)

Quote

Sounds like you have a self critique inside perpetuating the behavior. This has been exactly the case for me 

Thats entirely possible. Tell me more?

Edited by Rilles

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I’m exploring now, the self critique is like the ring leader, the protector, always looking out for us. Holds us back when it feels necessary and then goes full throttle whenever possible. Whenever there a conflict in the situations expectation and our personality, we experience much anxiety and other communication issues 

 

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Self critique desires perfection. How to overcome such a 🧠 

 

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@Shinjump in this buddy. Exploring the shadow of the shy quiet type. How to break free of the walls we put up 

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10 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I’m exploring now, the self critique is like the ring leader, the protector, always looking out for us. Holds us back when it feels necessary and then goes full throttle whenever possible. Whenever there a conflict in the situations expectation and our personality, we experience much anxiety and other communication issues 

 

I agree, the problem is this self-critic cripples me. It knows what needs to be done but the critique has never really helped. 

9 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Self critique desires perfection. How to overcome such a 🧠 

 

We can only live with it I guess.

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Imagine you started sharing all your thoughts? I remember when I would meet people who did this and i would judge and criticize them for being my shadow. They triggered me and I couldn’t help but hate them 

We become so attached to our identity. We don’t realize It isn’t set in stone unless we believe it to be, feed it, and fight it

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What we don’t realize is the act of judging another is in fact judging ourself 

we begin to care so much about what other people might think of us and how we might destroy an opportunity, the only solution is reservation 

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Perhaps the only way to overcome shyness and integrate the shadow is to allow the mind to become fluid in emotional expression and ideation 

are you aware of how the mind creates the inner division with thoughts and emotions? 

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10 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

What we don’t realize is the act of judging another is in fact judging ourself 

we begin to care so much about what other people might think of us and how we might destroy an opportunity, the only solution is reservation 

The irony is that trying to not get judged for speaking your mind instead you get judged as the quiet type and also end up judging yourself. Whats worse. 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

Perhaps the only way to overcome shyness and integrate the shadow is to allow the mind to become fluid in emotional expression and ideation 

are you aware of how the mind creates the inner division with thoughts and emotions? 

Easier said than done. Being fluent in daily life would be wonderful, thats the whole goal of spiritual work I guess. 

Could you elaborate? 

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The people we choose to listen to, believe and put value in opinion give rise to the thought patterns we have right? 

7 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Easier said than done. Being fluent in daily life would be wonderful, thats the whole goal of spiritual work I guess. 

Could you elaborate? 

To be fluid there has to be space for awareness of thoughts and behavior. In the NOW is the only place to discover the doorway into fluidity. Sit with an emotion until you realize it is you. The thinker and the thoughts are also one

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I've always flip-flopped between being extremely quiet and keeping my mouth shut and then interacting with people and having fun and feeling like a total idiot. I feel like I'm too much for a lot of people, so sometimes I hold back. I don't know if I'm supposed to regulate/restrain myself better or just not judge myself so harshly.


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

@mandyjw that’s awesome. To notice/realize there’s a choice and your behavior doesn’t have to be a undesired reaction/response 

the judger is the judged. What is the controlled vs the uncontrolled

Edited by DrewNows

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40 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

The people we choose to listen to, believe and put value in opinion give rise to the thought patterns we have right? 

I agree.

40 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

To be fluid there has to be space for awareness of thoughts and behavior. In the NOW is the only place to discover the doorway into fluidity. Sit with an emotion until you realize it is you. The thinker and the thoughts are also one

Alright I’ll meditate on that. 

23 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I've always flip-flopped between being extremely quiet and keeping my mouth shut and then interacting with people and having fun and feeling like a total idiot. I feel like I'm too much for a lot of people, so sometimes I hold back. I don't know if I'm supposed to regulate/restrain myself better or just not judge myself so harshly.

Thats like me. Except I have no choice. Its either ”Here, you can talk or Nope.” I love my sharing my thoughts (and listening to others) obviously so this is a mystery to me. 

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@DrewNows Very good, thank you. :x

@Rilles Eh... I feel the same thing. Do you think it's that we either resonate with someone's energy or don't? Again, I want to be able to resonate with everyone's energy if everyone is a reflection of me, but I suppose there's a place and a time since we live in a word of form buffered by time. 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

 

One time when I had 8 years old,

In class I asked the teacher If I could

 

"Pee pee, poop poop"

 

And no,

I'm not kidding.

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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