flume

Taking part in these forum discussions is so challenging

32 posts in this topic

Alright, so here's the deal. Something about not being able to delete comments on this forum makes me feel really uncomfortable. If we'd meet in real life, I'd probably have no troubles telling you anything about me. But something about my words being captured, frozen and then linked with me as a person... Feels so off.

I've never been able to keep a social media account for more than two weeks. I stare at it too much, the I feel like it doesn't represent me and I delete everything.

I love nothing more than walking around in a place where no one knows me. I like being on the outside, observing. Yes, I'm talking to you, account-less person, sitting behind the screen, checking this site for the 100th time, not daring to make an account. I've been there.

The thing is, I basically change my mind about things everyday. What if tomorrow I'll think differently about something, and I'll sound like a child? I think this has a lot to do with perfectionist paralysis. It often keeps me from even beginning something, because in my head it's perfect, multi - layered, sound. And in real life it can never be.

(I hope you can tell how even this post is carefully scripted.)

Didn't think I'd still be so self obsessed. But hey, seems like it's still a part of me. Maybe someone else is feeling this way too. This forum feels like a pool of self assured, extraverted people, not afraid to throw around whatever comes to mind. Which is awesome by the way. Don't kick me out. I can learn lots from you.


"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau

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21 minutes ago, flume said:

If we'd meet in real life, I'd probably have no troubles telling you anything about me. But something about my words being captured, frozen and then linked with me as a person... Feels so off.

Lol

In other words there is a record to hold your feet to the fire and check your ignorance.

The internet is already annoymous enough for devils to run rampant without consequence, and you want to take it one step further where nothing you say has any accountability so that you can say absurd thing without consequence!

In real life your friends remember every stupid thing you said. You cannot undo conversations in real time. So you watch what you say.

This forum gives you 48 hours to edit your posts. That's more than you get in real life.

Saying embarrassing things is part of growing up. I've said plenty of stupid things on record.


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

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Many people here write a lot of very embarrassing messages, some of them don't even realize, that they do this. The fact, that you already try to do your best, when writing these texts and being open and honest is a sign of maturity.

I think that most people here change a lot, because they are working on themselves. If they weren't changing, it would suck for them :D But we can learn by communicating and sometimes we do mistakes. But do we care? Do we create prejudice about other people here? That would be hypocritical, given that we are a serious spiritual community.

Also, many people here have very tough past and they don't care about what some girl is writing, they don't look at your profile, they are just trying to help :) I don't think, that you have to worry. You will probably see many people having backlashes, which they then overcome, and also some very smart people, who just won't judge you. People aren't so forgiving on social media like facebook and instagram.

Who are you?

 

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I used to feel the same way and still struggle with perfectionism. This forum is good practice for you. One of the things that I learned is that opening up to fear and discomfort is the way to becoming a more whole human being. I used to be painfully shy, and still am shy to a certain degree. These days I intentionally do the things that make me uncomfortable because I know it's the gateway to personal growth. 

 

Speak your mind. And don't worry, all of our views and opinions change over time. You're not the only one.

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Posted (edited)

It is because you see yourself as a fixed identity that you may see this as a problem, but there is no such thing.
Are you the same person as when you were a child ? A teenager ? 1 year ago ?

No you aren't right ?

Almost none of it stayed.
There may be some similarities, but you can't say you're the same person right ?
Even if you thought it was the case, this old person is not what is experiencing life right now, so how could it be the same thing as you ?

The most amazing person on this planet are the person who are failing and making themselves looks like fool.
This is because they try things no one or very few people tried, because they really want to do it, it's an inner calling which we all have in us.
Those people aren't concerned about what people think of them, because they understood how little that means to have a peaceful and happy life.

Does it really matters if you look like a fool ?
Why do you care about anyone else view on you ?

Picture yourself in 40 years, would that still be relevant if that person doesn't like what you said ?
What about the things you really wanted to do but didn't because those person weren't ok with what you wanted to do ?

This will matter way more in the end, because all those friendships/relationships and family bonds will collapse, ultimately.
It's a loosing strategy to do or not to do things based on anything else that what you think is best for you.

 

 

If you want to laugh, look at my old posts lol

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The internet is already annoymous enough for devils to run rampant without consequence, and you want to take it one step further where nothing you say has any accountability so that you can say absurd thing without consequence!

@Leo Gura That's not what I wanted to say with this post at all. I think this post might have come off a lot more offensive than I intended to. I don't actually want the forum to be any different. I'm just sharing what I'm still struggling with. 


"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau

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14 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

In real life your friends remember every stupid thing you said. You cannot undo conversations in real time. So you watch what you say.

Well, in reality friends don't remember 99% of the stupid things we say to them. Thank God! Everybody is preoccupied with their own shit. 

 

@flume It's challenging for me to be in this forum also, but because there are a lot of cringey stuff. And a lot of wannabe enlightened people, who are nothing more than armchair philosophers. 

But anyway, if you're really worried about what you said, take away your picture and avoid oversharing stuff. Simple as that. 

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4 minutes ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

Well, in reality friends don't remember 99% of the stupid things we say to them. Thank God! Everybody is preoccupied with their own shit. 

 

@flume It's challenging for me to be in this forum also, but because there are a lot of cringey stuff. And a lot of wannabe enlightened people, who are nothing more than armchair philosophers. 

But anyway, if you're really worried about what you said, take away your picture and avoid oversharing stuff. Simple as that. 

Stop resisting it ?

It will always be like this, there is too much at stake for the ego not to bullshit himself for a (long) while.

There will always be more newbies than realized people, so expecting the forum to not be full of delusion is a delusion in itself.


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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@bejapuskas @ivory @Shin @Gabriel Antonio Thank you for your lovely replies. It's a bit of a silly thing to struggle with but that's why I'm here. I wanna practice and make myself uncomfortable. Get out of the identity - mindset. It's funny because  for years now I just avoided social media and thought I've gotten over the problem.  So no, I'll keep my picture and I do want to share personal things^_^ Haha, this is already killing me.


"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau

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@Shin Haha I actually just did a couple of weeks ago when I signed up here. 


"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau

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12 minutes ago, Shin said:

There will always be more newbies than realized people

I don't mind newbies. That's what the forum is for, I believe. For people to ask genuine questions.

The problem is newbies who think they are ascended masters, or newbies who are too obsessed about making progress. That makes them, for example, overshare some really dark thoughts... 

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@flume  I would highly recommend you to go deeper into what Leo has said. When he calls people devils, it is not like he is trying to put you down (even though it usually does :D), he wants to trigger that uncomfortableness in you, he wants it to surface in your consciousness, go deeper, don't just run away!

Here are some good videos for you to watch:

 

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Wait huh. I thought you can "hide" your comments?

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2 minutes ago, d0ornokey said:

Wait huh. I thought you can "hide" your comments?

Only for 48 hours.


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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Love your honesty. Some great replies here. It's nice to see your concerns being taken seriously, rather than it being turned into some joke fest. 

I have similiar anxieties myself. Long time lurker on here and only just started taking the plunge with posting. 

If we can't work on our issues here (in terms of using the internet for help) where the fuck can we work on them (internet forum wise). 

I've not seen another forum like this. Loads of wisdom and guidance. Loads of nuggets. 

I can barely understand some discussions but if you look around on here there is something for everyone.

I don't know why people would worry about not being able to edit or delete a post unless they were confessing a crime but then again I get into a state with anxiety about things others wouldn't think twice about. 

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Posted (edited)

Welcome to the forum.  Keep putting yourself out there.  We're all growing on here.  I've said plenty of stupid things and made a fool of myself on countless occasions on here.  That's part of the personal development path.  Nothing is bad if you learn from your mistakes and your foolishness.  It's like being a kid walking around and getting burned by things and learning "this hurts" and not repeating those mistakes again.  You can clean up your Ego in the same way on here.  It's a rather messy and long process but if you hang in there you can make massive progress.  I just recently did a psychedelic trip and came face to face with how gnarly, dodgy, and seedy my Ego can be often right under my nose without me being conscious of it under normal circumstances.  But just seeing that allows me now to fix a lot of that stuff.  So, you wanna let yourself shat and vomit all over the place so you can see what's there -- and then you can engage in clean-up and repair once you see what's really there: what you normally work so hard to conceal even from your own view.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

There's nothing worse than a bad cover song.  Better off not releasing it.

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