Getting Emotionally And Spiritually Closer To Your Partner Without Sex

[Pilgrim]

I have met this great guy, I cannot put into words how amazing he is! We are dating since 3 months now and around the 2nd month we have become intimate and we went very crazy because the physical connection was just beyond this world.. that obviously distracted us quite a bit. And although we are both pretty aware, there is still much to learn and I think we got carried away by our sexual connection.. hormones took the lead. Now we are trying to start from the beginning and get to know each other more slowly.. because a true, genuine connection needs time and sex can be too distracting for that. (I believe there is another layer to sexual connection and we certainly have touched this layer already.. but it's too easy to get carried away in more "animalistic instincts") I believe that true, lasting love needs to grow on an emotional, mental, spiritual AND physical level.

We have a connection on all these levels and I believe that sex can actually help to grow on these levels. But he wants to take it very slowly now and not be intimate for a while.. therefore my question is: how should I behave now? I have a very strong physical attraction towards him and I feel the need to touch him a lot. Yet I also don't want the physical part to be the dominating one and quieting out the other dynamics of the relationship. Maybe it's really best to try to leave aside the sexual part for a while and focus on the more "quiet" parts of love.

But what can I do if I just feel the need to be physically close to him? How can I get closer to him on the mental, emotional and spiritual aspect of the relationship without being physical for now? Does anyone have a good idea how to especially focus on the emotional and spiritual connection? I feel like our mental connection is very good as well, we can really get carried away in conversation.. we talk a lot about spirituality as well, but that still seems to be a mental connection (since we are talking). Actually I felt most spiritually connected to him when we were having sex (that's why I know we touched other layers of sexuality already.. but I cannot deny that hormones were dominating at other times).. but what other way is there - besides the physical - to feel spiritually connected to someone? I don't believe it's through conversation.. but I just don't know how? Maybe through looking into each others eyes for 30 minutes? Meditating together? And then the emotional connection.. that one is the most difficult for us.. I have not fully opened up emotionally yet, but that is something that is difficult for me and I believe he hasn't either. Although we both want to, but we have been hurt in the past. And I think we are both still having some emotional protection walls around us. What can we do to feel emotionally more connected? I mean probably we have to be vulnerable.. and that's really the hard part.. I am really scared about being too vulnerable. But I know that's the important thing to do. But what precisely could we do to connect on a very deep emotional level? Could we also express ourselves through art and music and go through this route to the emotions? 

@Leo Gura @Emerald I would really appreciate your input on this question. I believe it could be interesting for many people on here.. thank you so much!!  

Edited April 28, 2019 by Pilgrim

[Forestluv]

I’ve found eye gazing can go deep. Like tears flowing and you don’t know why. It’s beyond words, very intimate and beautiful. 

I’ve also found tantric-like meditation/yoga effective. Like to sit in postures that may or may not involve physical or eye contact. Sexual energy may arise, and then you can work with it. It transforms into another sort of mixture of energy - including yet not limited to sexual energy. It becomes transcendent. The trick for me is not to fall into conditioned mind-body patterns and just follow the programmed script if having sex when the energy arises. It takes discipline. 

I’ve found conversations can also be helpful to connect at deeper levels, yet they can be too heavy on thought stories. I find verbal conversations useful in certain contexts, yet limited. Nonverbal communication and connection is also important, yet ime it’s rare to find someone open to exploring these realms.

[Emerald]

@Pilgrim It's the vulnerability aspect that you'd mentioned. Really put yourself out on the table and express to him in words exactly what's happening for you internally: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And encourage him to do the same. Come completely to the table and encourage him to do the same. And when he does, hold space for him and receive him fully. And in this, practice unconditional love and devotion, no matter what comes up for him.

 

 

[Lynnel]

@Pilgrim

I feel (which is my subjective opinion) that you have some judgements on sex and you're trying to make it more "holy" to some extent

Just enjoy your sexuality and do your hardcore spiritual practices on the side. It's completely fine to fuck like a wild animal. You don't have to morph that in a spiritual experience.