I'm either loosing my mind or becoming awakened...

[Hellspeed]

@Viking The thing is, nobody is prepared for awakening, no matter how many years of study they have done. In the moment of awakening one will enter in amnesia mode. So less learning is better than being indoctrinated in concepts. This sounds crazy what i'm saying now, but it works like this. 

Prepare to forget everything about yourself, otherwise is not transcendence. When one comes the other side is literally like being born again. 

Those claiming that you have to be prepared is a paradox, they are not awakened and they speak about concepts the majority  

Again, no knowledge can prepare you for the other side, ask Leo, he burned himself many times, hahahaha. 

[Aaron p]

6 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Did you try the nadi shudhhi for balancing the mind?

@Salvijus yeah I do it every time now. Only 3 rounds per time tho

[Aaron p]

7 hours ago, Peo said:

@Aaron p Dose the truth scare you? Are you depressed of the non-existence or the no self? Did the negativ emotions and the anxiety come the more spiritual work you do? 

@Peo no up until last Tuesday meditation only made me feel good and positive...that's why I did meditation! But I went out drinking with a few of my mates and boom, intense anxiety. I think it's partly because of the lack of direction in my life and the anxiety. But now I feel like I need to stop meditating for relief

[Aaron p]

On 3/13/2019 at 2:06 PM, Peo said:

@Aaron p Dose the truth scare you? Are you depressed of the non-existence or the no self? Did the negativ emotions and the anxiety come the more spiritual work you do? 

@Peo I didn't meditate today and I feel far better. I *think* what is happening is the meditation is exposing all of my anxiety and depression and it doesn't feel very nice coming out.

[Shin]

Maybe you can't be both «sane» and enlightened

?

[now is forever]

20 hours ago, Aaron p said:

@Peo no up until last Tuesday meditation only made me feel good and positive...that's why I did meditation! But I went out drinking with a few of my mates and boom, intense anxiety. I think it's partly because of the lack of direction in my life and the anxiety. But now I feel like I need to stop meditating for relief

is there any voice that tells you the meditation is the lack of direction? or is it that the meditation tells you something about you goin out drinking?

what happened that day or after that day that might make the change of perspective. what is the fear about? is it a future fear, is it a fear of getting wasted?

are you journaling? do you work on direktion?

Edited March 14, 2019 by now is forever

[Preetom]

These are just side-effects of the devil grabbing you by the balls before getting banished once and for all.

Jokes aside, hope things get better for you

[now is forever]

well maybe it’s really some kind of sign - you feel that good and are proceeding with your spiritual path very fast, but now your life has to catch up to that path and that takes a little longer, as this dimension still travels in hp(horse power) not in light speed.

not everyone travels in hellspeed...? 

Edited March 14, 2019 by now is forever

[Preetom]

39 minutes ago, now is forever said:

 

not everyone travels in hellspeed...? 

Lol! But only those with hellspeed finally reach the destination

[Nahm]

@Aaron p

A hangover ‘asleep’ is just a hangover, no over thinking. Just one thought  - “I’m hungover...been here before, know what it is, I’ll do better next time.” 

A hangover while awakening seems like a whole different matter, because you’re highly aware of the low state the alcohol put your body and point of view in, and from that low perspective, you’re overthinking dramatically, trying to find an answer spiritually. That amounts to - beating up on yourself (overthinking). 

But it’s just a hangover. 

The answer is, this is what a hangover is like when you’ve been getting in touch with your emotions. 

Message from the body which is infinite intelligence (If you don’t believe me, just notice how it does all that it does without any need from the finite mind)....the message is, “Hey. Don’t do that again, ok?”

Stop being so stubborn and stop creating this big story in your head. 

Just humble on down and say, “Ok”. 

And if you can muster it, maybe even, “Sorry, I love you”. 

 

Take your spiritual work, your “enlightenment”, your “repressed emotions”, your “seeking”, etc, etc.....and just put em on pause for a couple days. The bodily ramifications from the hangover will pass. THEN pick up where you left off. 

Right now, you just need to be in ‘take care of myself’ mode. Lighten up!

This perspective / state will pass! 

[zambize]

I just wanted to let you know I appreciate the post, I think people often exaggerated how happy they are or are afraid to admit just how miserable they are.  I think part of this is because they are afraid if they admit their life isnt perfect and they suffer, that the image of themselves as some emotional master would he tainted.  Personally I've found it helpful to just say stuff like "I'm miserable and have no clue what to do" or "this is literally unbearable".  I usually end up internally thinking, well it's not actually that bad, and then it doesnt seem so bad.  But yeah, I think it's cool that you're willing to admit you're having a hard time, especially to others who are afraid to admit the same

[abrakamowse]

Everything what happen to us is to become awakened, there's no "mental problems" or whatever, those are labels we put on people that we don't understand what they are living and why. That's all BS. 

 

What IS, is always the way it has to be...

[Aaron p]

On 3/13/2019 at 4:38 PM, Viking said:

I feel like you progressed too much too fast and you're having a major ego backlash. this is what happens when you start doing advanced techniques like self inquiry and kriya yoga without proper balance. 

I would advise to stop with the kriya yoga and the self inquiry. change it to breath awareness or any relaxing meditation of the sort. hang around more frequently with people if you're isolated. it will pass in a few weeks. start the serious practices after a few more years of balance building.

@Viking I think this is exactly what is happening...however I have already anticipated what I should do...

Today I didn't meditate, and absolutely went back to normal instantly. This likely means that the anxiety is only brought on by the meditation. This is an incredibly good sign because that means I can decide to not be anxious at any point in time, which means I can also use cannabis to settle the effects of the anxiety. I didn't want to use cannabis to calm my anxiety in case the anxiety was permanent (which means I would be developing a crutch for cannabis). However, now that I know that I can control the anxiety I can also control my cannabis use, which means I can continue meditating and using cannabis to subdue the side effects of the anxiety with no fear of developing a permanent crutch. This is a very very good thing.

 

Also I'm going to rearrange my meditation times, I'm going to do it in waves. So instead of doing 1.25 hours a day I'm only going to do 1 hour every other day. Then I will pick a day and coming up to that day I will increase to 1.25 hours every day coming up, then I'll do a retreat on my set day and meditate constantly for a period of time then bring it back to 1 hour every other day. These burst patterns will be more effective and better organised for the likes of ego backlashes.

[Breathe]

I went through a pretty severe bout of depression and anxiety after doing a butt-load of self-inquiry. I realized that nothing lasts, and no matter what I did there'd be something I didn't like about it. My zest for life died because I realized nothing really mattered. Meaninglessness was my state of existence for about five years. What helped me was psychotherapy, journaling, hanging out with people, and light meditation. You could be going through dark night of the soul. Or you could simply be depressed. It's hard to say, but nihilism is often faced when on the spiritual path. Don't assume this is a spiritual sickness it could just be garden variety depression. I would recommend journaling and finding a therapist. Whatever you do, both tools can help. Don't wait until it's too late. And for fuck's sake, don't listen to Hellspeed.

[Pacific Sage]

Hi Aaron,

How are things now? Just read the thread and am curious now to find out how things have progressed from the last month. Hope you have taken a break which helps gaining perspective in life (Life can present itself one way but there a lot of ways to look at the situation).

Initial Spiritual journey can be tough as dropping out of the matrix while still living in the matrix can be tough to cope until the point of time you are more sure of yourself and the path you are on.

From what I gather you are looking for a sense of direction in life which is bothering you, maybe you can take up Leo's Life purpose course or just test waters with what interests you and see if you can build something around it. When you meditate and all your issues come up it might be useful to write them down so you have clarity in what's bothering you so you can plan things better. It also helps prepare you to face them better the next time they resurface.

Its recommended by a lot of people in the spiritual field to get your life in order before you start a full fledged journey to enlightenment unless you have no problem living like a monk or a yogi.

Hope things are already brighter and better for you.

[Aaron p]

15 hours ago, Pacific Sage said:

Hi Aaron,

How are things now? Just read the thread and am curious now to find out how things have progressed from the last month. Hope you have taken a break which helps gaining perspective in life (Life can present itself one way but there a lot of ways to look at the situation).

Initial Spiritual journey can be tough as dropping out of the matrix while still living in the matrix can be tough to cope until the point of time you are more sure of yourself and the path you are on.

From what I gather you are looking for a sense of direction in life which is bothering you, maybe you can take up Leo's Life purpose course or just test waters with what interests you and see if you can build something around it. When you meditate and all your issues come up it might be useful to write them down so you have clarity in what's bothering you so you can plan things better. It also helps prepare you to face them better the next time they resurface.

Its recommended by a lot of people in the spiritual field to get your life in order before you start a full fledged journey to enlightenment unless you have no problem living like a monk or a yogi.

Hope things are already brighter and better for you.

@Pacific Sage hey dude. Yeah things are a lot better now. One thing that I'm really holding on to...I'm observing myself becoming a hell of a lot more mature, much less opinionated and just a bit better. I took a break for like, 3 days and got straight back onto the path. I want to integrate more kryia yoga, phychdelic retreats and Kundalini yoga (at this cool yoga studio in Belfast I've spotted). I've got some medication for anxiety and depression. I'm going to start exercising because I've noticed I'm not using my body physically anywhere near as much as before I started heavily meditating. And just yesterday I started talking to this nice girl who I really vibe with, hopefully that works. I'm also moving towards a managerial position in my workplace as well.

Just this evening I really felt the joy of the presence of God for the first time while not meditating. I felt him speak happiness into my heart. 

I know that enlightenment is still the only thing that matters to me. I've started to directly experience reality in a new way, and I'm starting to see certain things line up. I'm motivated now more than ever

[Pacific Sage]

11 hours ago, Aaron p said:

@Pacific Sage hey dude. Yeah things are a lot better now. One thing that I'm really holding on to...I'm observing myself becoming a hell of a lot more mature, much less opinionated and just a bit better. I took a break for like, 3 days and got straight back onto the path. I want to integrate more kryia yoga, phychdelic retreats and Kundalini yoga (at this cool yoga studio in Belfast I've spotted). I've got some medication for anxiety and depression. I'm going to start exercising because I've noticed I'm not using my body physically anywhere near as much as before I started heavily meditating. And just yesterday I started talking to this nice girl who I really vibe with, hopefully that works. I'm also moving towards a managerial position in my workplace as well.

Just this evening I really felt the joy of the presence of God for the first time while not meditating. I felt him speak happiness into my heart. 

I know that enlightenment is still the only thing that matters to me. I've started to directly experience reality in a new way, and I'm starting to see certain things line up. I'm motivated now more than ever

Oh wow!! your post brought happiness to me. Glad to hear about the stuff that is happening with you.. The world is a brighter place indeed  Thanks for sharing.

[Nahm]

@Aaron p Great to hear! Keep rockin the now!