200ug lsd trip report

[Mada_]

Intention: address merit of self-doubt and hatred. 

Coming up at around 12:00pm i felt this growing sense of pleasant tingling sensations all through my body. This growing sense of love over came my heart to the point where it burned. The tensions in my body then became as clear as day and my worries all started seeming stupid, the emotion ludicrous in the face of love. 

Then i realize the mistake i made was when i got up and left the room, the reason for this is because i decided that my life is so precious and beautiful and it could slip away and i was just wasting it not being in the present moment, i felt this overwhelming sense of love for life and being made me want to leave and just conquer the world. This was my first breakthrough dose after a my first trip being a 110 so i kind of forgot the advice i was going to follow to he honest, which was to be still and do nothing. Which showed me that i think I am mindful but I'm really not. 

It began to show me how insanely tight my body was, which seemed apparent as a huge factor of my digestive issues. I was able to bring my awareness to where my spine needs pressure of and i realized when integrating 1) I'm just not in tune with my body and kind to my body and its kind of disgusting, it was just so obvious that life is beautiful and i was trashing it by having good posture and relaxing and just loving it 2) and i realized due to this I'm not comfortable doing yoga until i correct my spine, and i should actually do more research on the risks out of compassion for myself. I've been doing kriya yoga for a few months now and i just feel irresponsible not looking into it more to assess the risks before continuing-i believe this will help me surrender more to the practice in the long run. I need to become more In tune with my body, and it was clear that my neuroticism was the root my distraction from it. 

I then became aware of how horrible i am to myself, this relating directly to my intention, was an important insight into my own propensity for self love. It was disgusting how thought would beat itself up for failing when failing was good, failure was wonderful (not denying it can also be very detrimental, especially in the context of the use of psychedellics). But i realized there is just not point in beating myself up about things and trying to stress and argue with reality, it is better to love myself and surrender to mystery because the truth is I'm just trying to figure life out at the moment and I'm fine with that. At 17, i was able to realize I'm at a really early chapter in my life and that i should view it as a creating process not an entirely linear scheduled one. And is now clear i can i my thrive if i fully love and accept myself, life will just be more fun and productive then. I will make Byron Katie's 'the Work' a regular part of my week, doing the technique at least three times a week. 

I'm very addicted to my monkey mind, when I'm not focused on the present moment I'm lost in fantasy. I'm going to be as mindful as possible, and purchase shinzen youngs books to help with this. 

 

Conclusion: there's much consciousness work to do, after feeling what it felt like to have clearer body awareness i realize i need to become more mindful and begin healing my body and just being kinder to it. I also need to fully love myself unconditionally, i cannot optimize if i do not embody unconditional love. Whilst being aware there is lots of work to do, i have fucked around for a while which i forgive myself for but it is also an injustice to myself not to live to absolute full potential, because my life is so precious and could slip away at any moment. 

 

 

 

[Breathe]

21 hours ago, Mada_ said:

then became aware of how horrible i am to myself, this relating directly to my intention, was an important insight into my own propensity for self love....But i realized there is just not point in beating myself up about things and trying to stress and argue with reality, it is better to love myself. I also need to fully love myself unconditionally, i cannot optimize if i do not embody unconditional love.

Nice insights. Psychedelics did the exact same for me. I've developed a loving kindness practice as well as journaling to remind myself to take care of myself and appreciate my positive qualities.

[Nahm]

@Mada_ Wonderful! ♥️