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Homer

How do I help my friends out of Stage Orange?

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So, I think it would be really good for my closest group of friends to smoke less pot, play less video games, and have more meaningful conversations. We are 8 guys, and a lot of focus lately is, sadly, on talking about shallow (Stage Orange type) topics, especially sex. I'm a social guy and have other friends, but this bunch really is something special, so I wouldn't want to replace them. It just feels like we have a collective addiction. 

I'd say my friends are all pretty Stage Green, but it's mainly a couple of them that have these Stage Orange tendencies, which contaminates the group and brings out this nasty vibe. I haven't been spending much time with them lately, and feel less connected to them. Wintertime here in Norway is dark and cold, so when we hang out it usually involves getting high and playing video games. I want to help these guys see our challenges more clearly so that our friendship can truly blossom, but find it difficult to get their attention when talking about self actualization.

How do I help my friends out of Stage Orange? Does anyone have any experience in trying to raise their friends' consciousness? Or in initiating healthy communication in a group of friends? All tips and insights are much appreciated :) 

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@Homer definitely what sahil says, the only way is to be a positive influence, go on hikes, subtlely bring up deeper topics. Talk about your consciousness practices, meditation, etc and the benefits. There are many awesome benefits that even stage orange people can recognize. Don't be forceful, just be cool and be a good example. That is enough. :)

Also, I noticed another forum member "highest" from Norway just posted a thread asking for a meet up! Might be awesome to connect with another forum member that's really into spirituality and nonduality. Peace


"The greatest illusion of all is the illusion of separation." - Guru Pathik

Sent from my iEgo

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@Homer  Even if they talk about shallow topics, get involved and express your opinion! It doesn't matter if they disagree or laugh at you! You'll still influence them! If they are not interested about deeper topics or meditation do not shove it down their throats! Try to understand them more!

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Start inward. Check your Dynamics, Watch Leo's moralizing video about Should statements. Being green alone cannot fully help orange out, as we see commonly clash. Work all of yellow and below, let the glimpse's onward speak for themselves. God's in everything. Yellow will help you teach. Green VERSUS orange approach will look like some arbitrary rules said to give value. Not smoking and playing video games are not the key and that's what you need to see. Develop and assess yours and their stage orange. On your end understand that your not supposed to "get out" of orange but develop and utilize the aspects you are inevitably grounded in. Rationality is orange and has its pitfalls but is not useless. establish that you all want improvement but out of a love for life and going beyond gain.  Gain for no gain. Paradoxes use rationality to transcend itself. They're also a good way of motivating that there's so much more to understand outside of understanding. Cultivate the mutual value to learn and love.  Explain ego work and it's value and get them to grow an interest in recognizing their resistance to maintain identifications. Seeing that the roles and rules we adopt are limiting can be empowering. With some established principles they might want to gravitate towards things good for them. Health and detachment alone can easily keep you busy for the rest of your life so you don't need many concepts for this. Ask me questions because I think I left out things I wanted to say after this tangent.

 For the sake of practicality, you can still spend your time very valuably when you smoke weed. But as for all habits, whatever you do when your high determines how you want to spend your time. You could easily get high and read books all day, or do your homework at more or less equal quality. Honestly I see people all the time thinking when they quit smoking they are going to magically improve all other areas of their life, weeds role is interestingly arbitrary. However, down the spiritual path you will eventually want a detached relationship with weed. Silly to say there's never any benefit, but yeah the detached path won't have moments to or not to smoke, but they will be quite more spread out with no definite pattern. Detached isn't nonparticipant. 

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@Homer You can't force people to outgrow where they're at. Do the right thing yourself, and be a help when they want help. If you feel like hanging out with them isn't beneficial or something you want to do, don't do it. Each person has their own dharma, which can be hard to swallow but should be respected. Trying to force what isn't meant to be will only backfire.

Edited by Markus

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@Sahil Pandit @TheAvatarState Agreed, going on hikes sounds like a great idea! And thanks for telling me about the other Norwegian, connecting with people from this forum sounds fun :)  The "being cool and a good example" approach seems to be the one that pays off in the long run, I'll try to stick to that one from now on. @Sir Raz Great input, I'll definately keep that in mind and express my opinion more often without being emotionally attached to their response.  @John Lula Yup... xD Are you also from Norway? @fortifyacacia3 Super interesting points, would love to hear more about your perspective on Spiral Dynamics and get clarification on a few of the things you wrote. And @Markus  I guess you're right, respecting their paths is the only right way. But it can be challenging to find the right balance between exerting too much force and being completely passive, if you know what I mean... 

Great comments, I will try to absorb these ideas and bring them into real life situations with the boys. Helps to get some fresh perspectives on the situation. Thanks!

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I wouldn't worry about raising their consciousness. Let them be. They'll change when they change. Or not. It's not up to you. I like to hang out with my friends one on one. This usually creates the conditions for deeper discussion. As someone else suggested you could make new friends. Just keep in mind that the older you get, the less options you will have. As you age you have to learn to be more accepting of people as to where they are at in their level of personal development. Open-mindedness and acceptance is the way forward.

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Continue to meditate and you will clearly see that they are bringing you down. 

 

Over the last couple years I have been gradually replacing my stage orange friends with more stage green and even yellow people that I meet and know.


I make YouTube videos about Self-Actualization: >> Check it out here <<

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On 23/02/2019 at 11:21 PM, Homer said:

How do I help my friends out of Stage Orange?

can't be done. breakthroughs can only happen due to spontaneous thirst.

just like a child that gets tired if his toys, people get tired of addiction to goals and achievements.


unborn Truth

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