Hardkill

Can you really control your thoughts and emotions?

17 posts in this topic

Hey guys, I've been dealing with some personal demons in my life besides ones involving poor time management, ADD distractions, OCD issues, etc. The demons I am talking about have to do with some things that happened in the past that I am not proud of and have consequently affected how I view myself as a person. I about a couple of years ago I got kicked out of a grad school for a few counts of sexual harassment within the University. I also got kicked out of the La Fitness gyms for a few counts of sexual harassment as well. I also, have been banned from multiple forums, sites, and accounts including Tnation (strength/bodybuilding/fitness site), GLL (dating and player's website), two dating coaches instagram accounts, etc. I've also already been rejected countless times from a multitude of women out there. I also used to be marginalized and sometimes betrayed by other kids throughout my whole childhood and adolescent years, and a little bit in college for being a social misfit. A lot of it was my fault, but a lot of it was also there's. These days as an adult, I rarely ever get a second chance with certain people. Now, I know you guys may say "so, what? Those things don't really matter in the grand schemes. Just move on." However, all of these things together hurt me so much and don't know how much more heartache I can take before I seriously consider ending my life. Please don't tell me to go to a therapist or psychiatrist because I've already done that for most of life and I am still on my meds with of course haven't been enough. I even read many self-help psyche books, but of course they still haven't helped me enough.

Many therapists and mental health experts say that "you can't always control outcome of a matter outside of yourself. However you can always change the way you react, feel, and think about certain situations." Yet, I've been trying so hard to let go of the past and change the way I feel and think about all of the negative things that happened in my past. I still, feel like shit.

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Sorry to bump this thread, but I am really feeling so suicidal right now. No therapist or psychiatrist has been able to help me at all with this. Psychedelics are out of the question. Life purpose course is still too expensive for me to buy. My parents won't even let me get a real job. I am feeling incredibly desperate for a solution to deal with my emotions before I truly decide to do something that I will end up regretting. 

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@Hardkill why do you still try to control the behavior of women?

what do you do on a daily basis? can you post your daily schedule? are you willing to take action and tweak it a little?

Edited by ajasatya

unborn Truth

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6 hours ago, ajasatya said:

@Hardkill why do you still try to control the behavior of women?

what do you do on a daily basis? can you post your daily schedule? are you willing to take action and tweak it a little?

What are you talking about? I don't want to control women. It's usually the man's job to initiate and lead most situations that happened between men and women; however, that does not mean that men should control every aspect of women's lives including their emotions, if that makes sense. Men have the expected responsibility of not forcing women to do what they want, but instead to inspire women to cooperate and follow them. Even so, most of the women that a man will comes across throughout his entire life won't be sufficiently submissive and compliant with him because of so many factors that inevitably will cause him and her to simply not be compatible with each other. That's why if a woman is too difficult with you or seems to not want to really cooperate with his program overall then he needs to move on to finding someone else who will be cooperate enough with him. 

I want to control my own emotions and thoughts somehow.

On a daily basis I pretend to work as I watch or listening to various things on my phone or table top computer. I want to take action in tweaking it a little, but I don't know if I have the stamina or willpower to do it. The emotional labour required to be even a satisfactorily productive worker and/or student usually overwhelms me. 

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9 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Men have the expected responsibility of not forcing women to do what they want, but instead to inspire women to cooperate and follow them. Even so, most of the women that a man will comes across throughout his entire life won't be sufficiently submissive and compliant with him because of so many factors that inevitably will cause him and her to simply not be compatible with each other. That's why if a woman is too difficult with you or seems to not want to really cooperate with his program overall then he needs to move on to finding someone else who will be cooperate enough with him.

i see. that's probabily why you fail and suffer so much. the way you think about relationships is a little messed up. maybe because of the influence of your parents or your local culture.

i've been married with my wife for almost 1 year, but we've been together for almost 3 years and the fire within us grows bigger and bigger everyday.

we've been inspiring each other since the first day we met. nobody is submissive and compliant. i don't follow her and she doesn't follow me. we're both following a higher purpose. it has to be a completely balanced teamwork or someone will fall apart.

10 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I want to control my own emotions and thoughts somehow.

emotions cannot be controlled. emotions are supposed to be felt in the bones. they are a consequence of your thought patterns, the words you speak and the way you act. if you don't like what you feel, you have to break free from your pride and start questioning everything you think you know. what if you're completely wrong about what it means to be a real man?

10 hours ago, Hardkill said:

On a daily basis I pretend to work as I watch or listening to various things on my phone or table top computer.

i need more detailed information. what time do you wake up? what do you do? what do you eat? how do you go to work? describe your day and how you feel.


unborn Truth

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Men have the expected responsibility of not forcing women to do what they want, but instead to inspire women to cooperate and follow them. Even so, most of the women that a man will comes across throughout his entire life won't be sufficiently submissive and compliant with him because of so many factors that inevitably will cause him and her to simply not be compatible with each other.

As far as women go, this belief system is going to continue to cause you a lot of conflict, at least in Western culture.  If you could just enjoy a woman for herself and not have preassigned roles established you might find you life much more spontaneous. What you are describing seems to be a well thought out mechanism for control and that will create anxiety and hopelessness.

Edited by pointessa

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One thing we CAN do is not identify with thoughts and emotions.

When they become MY thoughts or MY emotions,,,,, we're identified.


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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@Jkris true true

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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Yes, here's a good combo I like: 

Hard exercise for 25 mins (SWEAT) 

The do David R hawkin's letting go technique for whatever challenging emotion that I have  

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You are not your thoughts.

You are not your emotions.

It's the equivalent of identifying yourself as a piece of dirt on the ground, when you are the planet Earth. Why would you limit yourself to a piece of dirt? Why would you worry about the piece of dirt?

Hint: You are so much more.

 

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On 2/8/2019 at 3:52 AM, ajasatya said:

i see. that's probabily why you fail and suffer so much. the way you think about relationships is a little messed up. maybe because of the influence of your parents or your local culture.

i've been married with my wife for almost 1 year, but we've been together for almost 3 years and the fire within us grows bigger and bigger everyday.

we've been inspiring each other since the first day we met. nobody is submissive and compliant. i don't follow her and she doesn't follow me. we're both following a higher purpose. it has to be a completely balanced teamwork or someone will fall apart.

emotions cannot be controlled. emotions are supposed to be felt in the bones. they are a consequence of your thought patterns, the words you speak and the way you act. if you don't like what you feel, you have to break free from your pride and start questioning everything you think you know. what if you're completely wrong about what it means to be a real man?

i need more detailed information. what time do you wake up? what do you do? what do you eat? how do you go to work? describe your day and how you feel.

So then tell me this Ajasatya, why do coaches like Leo and other dating coaches say that being very masculine means being very dominant and aggressive, brave, decisive, rational, and strong? Men should also have or embrace their feminine traits too to some extent in order to be a fully authentic man and human being. However, men must ultimately have mostly masculine traits including the kind that I described above and women must usually be about a half a foot behind men. Believe me, I did not originally chose to lead women when I was a young kid; however, as I was forced to grow up more into a man as I got older and learned increasingly more from the right men about manhood, I eventually realized that the universe had actually design men to really be in charge of others especially women and force our will on them. This is the feminist movement made somewhat of a mistake for women. It’s about time that we men put women back in line, but in a more contemporary manner. Ask Leo himself. I am willing to bet that he would say that I am right, especially when it comes to being an alpha male.

I’ve already tried questioning everything that I know and it led me to incredible levels of unproductive mental masturbation. People like experts and coaches of dating, fitness, nutrition, mental health therapists I’ve been to, Leo, and many others in real life had already told me to stop thinking and questioning everything so much and start “doing it.” 

My daily schedule varies, but here’s one kind of usual schedule of my day with estimated ranges of time during the weekdays:

9:00 - 10:00 am 

I wake up in the morning, wash my face, and eat breakfast. 

10:00 - 10:30 am 

Text my gf a goodmorning message. Either watch something on tv or walk the dog. 

11:00 am - 2:00 pm

supposed to work on a job or do my schoolwork the whole time, but I take frequent breaks and pretend to be doing my homework or be on the job.

2:00 pm - 2:30 pm

Lunch break

2:30 pm - 5:00 pm

supposed to work on a job or do my schoolwork the whole time, but I take frequent breaks and pretend to be doing my homework or be on the job.

5:00 pm - 5:30 pm

Look up stuff on the computer like on this site. 

5:30 pm - 9:00 pm

Workout and comeback home from either the gym, Hapkido practice, or running. 

9:00 pm - 9:30pm

Take off and put away sweaty clothes in laundry room, shower, eat dinner and watch something on either tv or on the computer. Maybe study some more or do some more homework. 

9:30pm - 11:30 pm

Either watch more videos on the Intenrrt or TV or read up on more articles and forum posts online like here which are related to my personal interests. Help my mom with cleaning up the house.  Maybe do some more homework during this range of time. 

11:30 pm - 1:30 am

Stay up more to either look up more articles and forum posts or vids online that pertain to my interests, hobbies, favorite tv shows, etc. 

I go get ready for bed and then sleep until the next morning.

*On weekdays where I’ve planned to see my gf instead of working out or practicing Hapkido, I would spend the night with her from about 7:15 pm - 10:45 pm (or spend the night over at her place).

Also, I’ve tried controlling my thoughts, but I still have so many thoughts and memories in my head that won’t go away and instead bring me down everyday. This pain that I am still feeling is becoming overwhelming. So many people have already shut me out and I don’t feel like I belong in this world anymore. I want to die in peace without being so afraid of death and without having to worry about devastating my family and gf for taking my own life.

Edited by Hardkill

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6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

why do coaches like Leo and other dating coaches say that being very masculine means being very dominant and aggressive, brave, decisive, rational, and strong?

they probably don't know what they're talking about and are selling something they don't have. if you want good advice on relationships, listen to people living great relationships. go for those who are living happy marriages. talk to men who are living happy 30 years long marriages and you will know better. they will tell you how dominance and aggressiveness just f***s you in the a**.

if you want interesting relationships, this is my advice to you: practice tenderness, compassion, patience, listening and will power to always improve the quality of your life. eat better, exercise, quit trash culture and internet junk (porn included). the true beauty of a man lies on his fluency in the practice of virtues.

6 hours ago, Hardkill said:

I’ve already tried questioning everything that I know and it led me to incredible levels of unproductive mental masturbation. People like experts and coaches of dating, fitness, nutrition, mental health therapists I’ve been to, Leo, and many others in real life had already told me to stop thinking and questioning everything so much and start “doing it.”

you certainly didn't go deep enough. you gotta go beyond mental masturbation. you need to come out on top and drop your old vices.

thanks for sharing your daily schedule. but you still forgot to mention how you feel during those moments. how do you feel when you go walk the dog? how do you feel when you are with your girlfriend? how do you feel about her when you're not with your girlfriend? how do you feel during your work times?

Edited by ajasatya

unborn Truth

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19 hours ago, ajasatya said:

they probably don't know what they're talking about and are selling something they don't have. if you want good advice on relationships, listen to people living great relationships. go for those who are living happy marriages. talk to men who are living happy 30 years long marriages and you will know better. they will tell you how dominance and aggressiveness just f***s you in the a**.

if you want interesting relationships, this is my advice to you: practice tenderness, compassion, patience, listening and will power to always improve the quality of your life. eat better, exercise, quit trash culture and internet junk (porn included). the true beauty of a man lies on his fluency in the practice of virtues.

you certainly didn't go deep enough. you gotta go beyond mental masturbation. you need to come out on top and drop your old vices.

thanks for sharing your daily schedule. but you still forgot to mention how you feel during those moments. how do you feel when you go walk the dog? how do you feel when you are with your girlfriend? how do you feel about her when you're not with your girlfriend? how do you feel during your work times?

Are you telling me that Leo, who is the creator of this site and the all-around self actualization life coach on all matters of life is either wrong or lying? Are you saying that all dating coaches out there who talk about being an alpha male are wrong too?

As for how I feel during those moments:

1. I feel sometimes bored when I walk the dog or sometimes feel anxious to get back home and look on the computer for various info. Sometimes it can be fun to walk the dog when we meet other dogs together. 

2. I usually feel so much joy when I am with my girlfriend because of all of the fun we’ve done together including sex, watching tv shows, movies, meals we eat together, desserts and candy we eat together, games, parties we’ve gone to, special hike events, going to family events together, etc.

However, about a week and two days ago, she considered breaking up with me because she was not happy about the fact that I didn’t try to meet her more than we did before (which was usually about 1-2 times a week, except during holiday and vacation times where we would see each other more often) and that she’s not getting enough sexual satisfaction from me. She even then said that maybe we could try to just be friends, but she never been friends with her exes ever. I cried in front of when she told me that. She felt bad and after talking through it with her she took back the idea of breaking up because she became very understanding of me. So, fortunately, we resolved it together and I’ve been able to figure out a way to manage enough time to see her about 3-4 times a week every week from now on. Last week, I was with her for a total of 4 nights including Valentine’s Day. I even made sure that we would see each on Valentine’s Day by being the one to orchestrate the whole plan for the day and remembering to get a great present for her. We had a wonderful time on that day. Since then, things have been back to being solid with each other. She even seems to be more affectionate than ever before.

when I am not with her I often worry about how she think she of me and her worried over whether I am managing my relationship with her well enough (part of it is because it’s my very first real long-term relationship ever).

Overall, it’s been quite an emotional experience I’ve never been through in my life.

as for work, I usually feel down about it because I don’t want to have to do it and  I get easily distracted by the negative memories and thoughts of my life.

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2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Are you telling me that Leo, who is the creator of this site and the all-around self actualization life coach on all matters of life is either wrong or lying? Are you saying that all dating coaches out there who talk about being an alpha male are wrong too?

alright, drop the "almighty leo" mentality because it just hinders your progress. leo is a guy like us, in the sense that he's also facing his own struggles to learn and grow. the thing is that everyone can only go as far as their own progress and as far as i'm concerned, leo is not the best authority to talk about stable/longevous deep intimate relationships.

we're all trying our best. i'm not saying that leo or other coaches are deliberately lying to harm you. i'm saying that they're talking about their own experiences, which may or may not suit your current needs.

and here i am, talking about my own experience and insights when i was going through similar emotions. from my perspective, you're living a life that you don't want for you. i don't think you know what you want, but you seem to be uncomfortable in two big aspects: your job and your intimate relationship.

what kind of job is this that you can just do whatever? you don't seem to feel like you're necessary and that's a sign of a bad job. if you can manage your obligations even with so much procrastination, then plan your "procrastination" and use the spare time to build something truly amazing. why don't you work on perfecting your skills to do what you actually want to do? you can even use the spare time to build your own business, if that's the case.

and about your girlfriend, both of you seem to be scared of future possibilities. that's how i and my ex felt. we indulged in small talks, series, videogames, meals, drinks, parties and sex as an attempt to fulfill the lack of happiness and meaning with activities that provided instant gratification. serious commitment? building a family? hell, those subjects always scared the s#!7 out of us.

my insight about intimate relationships is that they should aim for something higher than each individuality. it can be a family or even straightforward Truth. there are couples who dedicate their lives just to practice and spread the message of love, remaining childless. as long as your relationship is built upon the fear of loneliness and hurt, it will just get worse and worse with some small waves of illusory improvements due to superficial tweaks.

i'm sorry if i sounded too negative about your current relationship, but the fact that you worry when you're not with her is a big red flag.


unborn Truth

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On 2/19/2019 at 4:21 AM, ajasatya said:

alright, drop the "almighty leo" mentality because it just hinders your progress. leo is a guy like us, in the sense that he's also facing his own struggles to learn and grow. the thing is that everyone can only go as far as their own progress and as far as i'm concerned, leo is not the best authority to talk about stable/longevous deep intimate relationships.

we're all trying our best. i'm not saying that leo or other coaches are deliberately lying to harm you. i'm saying that they're talking about their own experiences, which may or may not suit your current needs.

and here i am, talking about my own experience and insights when i was going through similar emotions. from my perspective, you're living a life that you don't want for you. i don't think you know what you want, but you seem to be uncomfortable in two big aspects: your job and your intimate relationship.

what kind of job is this that you can just do whatever? you don't seem to feel like you're necessary and that's a sign of a bad job. if you can manage your obligations even with so much procrastination, then plan your "procrastination" and use the spare time to build something truly amazing. why don't you work on perfecting your skills to do what you actually want to do? you can even use the spare time to build your own business, if that's the case.

and about your girlfriend, both of you seem to be scared of future possibilities. that's how i and my ex felt. we indulged in small talks, series, videogames, meals, drinks, parties and sex as an attempt to fulfill the lack of happiness and meaning with activities that provided instant gratification. serious commitment? building a family? hell, those subjects always scared the s#!7 out of us.

my insight about intimate relationships is that they should aim for something higher than each individuality. it can be a family or even straightforward Truth. there are couples who dedicate their lives just to practice and spread the message of love, remaining childless. as long as your relationship is built upon the fear of loneliness and hurt, it will just get worse and worse with some small waves of illusory improvements due to superficial tweaks.

i'm sorry if i sounded too negative about your current relationship, but the fact that you worry when you're not with her is a big red flag.

True, Leo isn't perfect, just as no one else is. I am not trying to argue with you for the sake it, but I have to say that what Leo and other dating coaches said about being an alpha male has been working for me, when it comes to being a sexually attractive man to women, especially to my girlfriend. Though, I guess it gets different to an extent when you are in a serious relationship.

Also, I don't know what deep romance subjects we are supposed to talk about with each other other than asking each other if we want kids, (which we've started talking about), moving into together (which we both agreed that we are not ready for that).

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