Mikael89

Been involuntarily single whole my life (30 years). Can anyone beat me?

153 posts in this topic

@Mikael89 Hey, I'm sorry for what I said to you before. It's been killing me and I hope you're okay.
If you need anything from me, just ask. I'll try my best to be gentle with you.
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
36 minutes ago, tsuki said:

If you need anything from me, just ask. I'll try my best to be gentle with you.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
58 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@Mikael89 Hey, I'm sorry for what I said to you before. It's been killing me and I hope you're okay.
If you need anything from me, just ask. I'll try my best to be gentle with you.
 

Ah, nice to read this, after what u wrote and because he's such a truly nice person.  I'm sure he will forgive you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, tsuki said:

@Mikael89 Hey, I'm sorry for what I said to you before. It's been killing me and I hope you're okay.
If you need anything from me, just ask. I'll try my best to be gentle with you.

No worries.

I thought maybe you were trying to do some kind of trick to make something positive happen in my psyche.

But still, no worries :P

Thank you, I appreciate it :)

Edited by Mikael89

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
40 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I thought maybe you were trying to do some kind of trick to make something positive happen in my psyche.

@Mikael89 You were right and I'm still sorry. Good luck with your search.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, Mikael89 said:

I thought maybe you were trying to do some kind of trick to make something positive happen in my psyche.

is that a bad thing?xD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@Mikael89 You were right and I'm still sorry. Good luck with your search.

Thanks.

11 minutes ago, Rilles said:

is that a bad thing?xD

Yes, only bad stuff is allowed to happen to me :P

Just kidding.. no, it's of course not a bad thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you actually want? Not as an idea or abstraction like "a girlfriend" but what is it you actually want to experience in life? I think that your suffering comes from being hung up on the concept of having a girlfriend, and feeling you lack that abstract fantasy.

Long ago I realized how ridiculous the duality of single and "Taken" is, and laughed at how the human animal takes itself so seriously. No one belongs to anyone else, there's no such thing as having a girlfriend, relationships are the process of relating always in  flux, undefined, unlimited. A relationship is not some sovereign entity whereby a man and women (from the heteronormative perspective) get together and mutually own each other. It's something that happens moment by moment.

This is as concisely as I can explain my mindset, single and whatever you may call it's opposite are not terms in my vocabulary, the concepts just don't exist in my reality, they come from a paradigm I don't subscribe to. From this perspective I am not deprived of anything, I am whole and complete as an individual, and as the infinite.

When it comes down to it what I really want is physical contact and intimate connection with beautiful women. I get to experience moments of this on occasion, even if it's just eye contact, conversation and hugs, and it warms my heart. Sure, in a perfect world I would get to kiss and cuddle together with someone for longer, but even so, it's like a glass half full perspective, seeing sensuality as abundant, and myself as communing with feminine energy. There are plenty of ways to experience it through the 5 senses, not just with women if that isn't an option. Can listen to all manner of music, ASMR, women looking into camera and talking, and enjoy the sound of their voices. While I avoid looking at porn because it feeds fixation on sexual lust, I get satisfaction looking at the female form as art, as well as being out an nature, being soothed by the sights, sounds and smells of abundant flora, taking it all in. 

Whatever path to freedom you take, it is best to come from owning your sexuality not trying to repress it, and de-abstracting your ideas of intimacy to experience sensuality directly, getting to the point where all of life is a sensual experience, as well as a spiritual one, whatever you're doing. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Mikael89 Oh for the love of god.

 

You've been volontarily single your whole life. Not involuntarily but because of  your own very will.

This attitude is simply proposterous.

For instance, you need to create a bussiness to generate enough money to buy an island. Obviously, you're not going to have a island being given to you just like that. But if you feel entitled to it you will feel like the world owes you an island - as compensation, maybe, because you've been hurt in the past, and now you feel entitled to whatever will make you feel good.

Obviously this is so unfair, and you're not gonna do any work to start a bussiness and earn any money, that you're not gonna do anything.

But really, you're gonna do one thing : you're gonna go bitch on a forum how " Unvoluntarily ISLAND-DEPRIVED you are". Sounds proposterous, doesn't it ?

Do you really wanna keep doing it ?

The world owes you nothing. Reality is brutal because bad things happen to you and it's your responsibility to deal with them. Like you have all this trauma and BS which happened not because of you but it's still your job to deal with it. Because no one else will.

No one is coming to save you. Pity and being a victim is not gonna save you either.

Believing in neurotic "fairness" is a looser's mindset which you need to eliminate.

You don't have a choice really : either you're gonna step it up, learn game, fix yourself, or stay miserable your whole entire life.

Get off this forum and go fight for a better life.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Mikael89  I'm assuming there's a side to you that wants to actually fight and push forward.

You've tried the direct way. It seems no women like you right now. Which makes sense in your current state of mind.

What you can do is improve your male friendships! I'm not kidding.

Close friendships with men who reasonably have their shit together will do SO MUCH to grow you.

And you don't have to do it all on your own anymore.

  • You will absorb better attitudes by being around your friends
  • They can help course-correct you when you're stuck in negativity
  • They will push you to become a man on his own path
  • It will make you more grounded

You're the average of the 5 people you see the most.

Forget about girls for awhile and focus on friendships with mentally healthy men who don't have problems with women. Stop hanging out with the other ones who drag you down.

Do that and in 6 months you will be a more attractive person.

 

Because getting girls shouldn't be something you have to fight hard for. It should happen naturally.

The nuanced truth is that it comes naturally to those who have their life together, with healthy friendships and a purpose.

 

(Or can we expect a "I haven't had friends for 30 years" thread next? xD )

Edited by flowboy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, flowboy said:

Because getting girls shouldn't be something you have to fight hard for. It should happen naturally.

Yes, all of my significant relationships developed when I wasn't trying so hard to find somebody but was just enjoying life. Even the one I am in now. It creates so many beautiful memories especially if you start out as friends and it blossoms to love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Shadowraix said:

Yes, all of my significant relationships developed when I wasn't trying so hard to find somebody but was just enjoying life. Even the one I am in now. It creates so many beautiful memories especially if you start out as friends and it blossoms to love.

Of course,

It's when the male is totally focused on his mission than he is the most attractive banana in the world

B|


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone explain this 🍌 thing to me 🤣

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

17 hours ago, flowboy said:

Someone explain this 🍌 thing to me 🤣

sorry @Mikael89 it’s not relevant to the thread. it’s just nuts.

Edited by now is forever

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dating is largely a numbers game like making friends is too: 

Finding a good girlfriend is takes even more work and time than finding hot girls to hookup with. The reason why practically all of the guys out there who have successful with women, especially those who found a good girlfriend or a great wife have always devoted much of their time to playing the numbers and improving there social skills.

Yes, some guys have always been more naturally talented than other guys and/or got a really good start with their social and dating life during middle school or high school due to some luck. However, even the most naturally gifted ladies men and most popular dudes out there still had to put in a great amount of time and effort socializing with both guys and girls in order to have as great of a social and sex life as possible. The average guys who were born with or grew up with an average level of social intelligence and flirting skills, obviously had it harder than those who genetically inherited an above average level of social intelligence. Generally speaking, these average dudes know that while they may not know how to become popular or seduce the kind of girl(s) they want they still have enough social skills and have enough confidence in themselves to get girls who are at least average to them. Now, those who were born with very little to no natural talent, like those with Asperger's/Autism and/or a lot of those who have a certain variation of ADD that hampers their social skill (like I do), have had to work the hardest on improving their social and flirting skills to get even a girlfriend at all of some kind. However, virtually all of those with Asperger's/Autism and/or with socially find some kind of girlfriend by simply putting themselves out there plenty of times. Also, people with those disabilities are still able to get hot girls or a hot girlfriend of those guys put A LOT of hard effort and time into improving their social and seduction skills for about a 1-2+ years. I used to think that none of this was really true, but for several months now I've been having a change of heart about it all.

Btw, good looks will automatically get you some more freebie openers for cold approaching, some more freebie than the average guy, and more women who will think that you're their type; however, it's still primarily all about game.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

You're voluntarily single -- but you've convinced yourself that you're involuntarily single.  You're white-knuckle clinging to a huge rationalized excuse basically to avoid changing your life on this issue.  This is where Enlightenment Work isn't enough, you gotta do different kinds of personal development work to make this change.  You can be an Enlightened guru sitting on a throne with flowers all around you and still suck at getting a girlfriend.  You basically have a block that you need to identity and work to unwire.  

Edited by Joseph Maynor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

did you get the magic fire unlock ?

black mage is not for everyone

I lost all my power at 25 with all the succubus around

they took over everything out of me, EVERYTHING


no clouds, no sky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OP has all the advice he needs at this point surely? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The truth that will hurt at some point for you David,
Is that you can really be the man you want,
Which means you can get the girl(s) you want.

It's really just a decision to make.


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now