Don't want to play the game anymore

[JayG84]

I'm starting to lose interest in everything that use to bring me joy. The more I contemplate, the more I see that everything is an illusion of the mind. Sports, politics, fashion, entertainment. It's all just marketing, ideologies, and stories we tell ourselves. If nothing is real, and the universe is perfect, and everything is up to the intelligence in the consciousness, then how can you care about anything at all? How do you find meaning, when all meaning can be deconstructed? How do you build a life when everything you engage with in society is "chimpery". It doesn't make me want to live life to the fullest, it makes me want to disconnect from all of it.

I came to self-actualization work to try to be happier and find a purpose to my life. What I got was an existential crisis and sadness that the world is meaningless. Now I feel like I'm trying to build a house with hammer made of pixie dust, and I'm ready to give up. 

How do you build a life when all you see is illusion? Some people say "Just play the game called life. Like, I was once a pawn in the chess game, but now I can be the chessmaster. But what if I don't want to play the game anymore? How do I find my way back to living in this world?

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

You're exhibiting classical signs of depression. 

 

Quote

One woman who came to meditation practice feeling this way believed she had a deep understanding of emptiness. For five years, she had studied with a young teacher who himself was confused about emptiness. When she came to see me, she talked about how deeply she had understood the teachings of selflessness and the impermanent, insubstantial nature of life. She states that whenever she practiced walking meditation or sitting meditation, she experienced selflessness very clearly. But to me she simply looked unkempt and depressed, so I inquired further. I asked her to describe exactly how she experienced emptiness. Then I asked her to do her walking meditation in front of me and tell me precisely what she noticed. As she walked, I pointed our a heaviness in her walk and a contracted quality of her body. Soon she could see it too. As she explored her experience, it turned out not to be emptiness at all, but numbness and deadness. As we talked, it became clear that her body and feelings had been shut down for years. Her self-esteem was low, and she felt herself incapable of doing worthwhile things in the world. She confused this inner feeling with the profound teachings of insubstantiality. Sorting out this confusion began to bring her back to life.

(Read more at: https://jackkornfield.com/misconceptions-selflessness/) 

 

[Maya_0]

Yes the world is meaningless but by applying a negative connoltation to that fact, is a meaning that you're projecting onto meaningless ; you're personally assigning a negative value to meaninglessness when meaningless just means meaningless -- it's not positive or negative. 

I think it's worth being grateful for having seen through the illusion. Now you're free to live however you like. You don't have to suffer and take it as real like everyone else. Isn't that what you've always desired anyway? To do whatever you want with nothing stopping you?

You can still play the game with the knowing in the back of you're mind that it's just a game. Video games aren't "real" but people still love to play them. You can create your character and play but know it's just that (a play).

And hey, if you don't want to play the game, that's an option too. There are some nice quiet mountains in warm countries with spectacular views that would be most suited for just basking in the bliss of God. And you are God. 

 

 

Edited February 3, 2019 by Maya_0

[cetus]

1 hour ago, JayG84 said:

It doesn't make me want to live life to the fullest, it makes me want to disconnect from all of it.

Maybe you are just now discovering the true meaning of life to be lived.

[Nahm]

@JayG84 Don’t stop half way. 

[Forestluv]

@JayG84 These realizations are halfway there. Absence of meaning to an ego is dreadful and there can be ego backlash. 

There is a deeper meaning and knowing beneath the ego. Yet it doesn’t serve the ego, so the ego resists it. 

[cetus]

@JayG84 Why should I build a live life when it has no meaning? 

The same reason people climb Mount Everest. Because it's there

[Forestluv]

3 minutes ago, cetus56 said:

Why should I build a live life when it has no meaning? 

The same reason people climb Mount Everest. "Because it's there"

Climbers gonna do what climbers gonna do. . . ?‍♂️ 

[Ananta]

This is just a phase or stage, it will pass.

"First there were mountains, then no mountains, then mountains again".

You're at the no mountain stage.

Or

"Wisdom is knowing I am no-thing, love is knowing I am every-thing, in between my life moves "

You need to realize that you are also every-thing and move between wisdom and love.

Btw, several yrs ago, on another forum, I wrote a similar post (or similar intention) and I had titled it, "Tired of the play".... very similar to your thread title and I was having the same issue.

 

 

 

Edited February 3, 2019 by Anna1

[Joseph Maynor]

Thinking of your life as a game is a concept.  Your Ego is half-heartedly over-laying that on top of being.  First of all, your Ego is never gonna fully believe life is a game.  Your Ego is dead serious about this game if it is one.  Actually the game idea goes bye bye quickly when your Ego gets in real trouble.

Edited February 3, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Forestluv]

31 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Your Ego is dead serious about this game if it is one. 

It’s in it to win it! 

[Charlotte]

Don't stop.

Come out the other side.

 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, JayG84 said:

How do you build a life when all you see is illusion?

How do you enjoy a movie? You know it's not real yet you enjoy it anyway.

How do you enjoy a video game? You know it's not real yet you enjoy it anyway.

What you don't realize yet is that BEING is superior to meaning. Stop needing meaning. Enjoy being.

You need to become conscious that you are assigning negative meaning to meaninglessness.

You are not conscious of this yet.

Take responsibility over the fact that you create meaning. And create whatever you want.

Sadness is something you are unwittingly creating. It is not a given to be sad. You must do it.

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

You're exhibiting classical signs of depression. 

Don't call this depression. An existential crisis is not depression.

These are classic signs of waking up. You are not going to wake up without facing nihilism head-on.

[ivankiss]

Don't be the victim inside the game.

Be that which creates the game; holds it in place. Be the game itself. It can take on infinite forms and you can experience it in infinite ways. 

Deep down; you wanna play the game. Be the game. You just have to step through fear and transform it. Transform yourself altogether. Expand. There is no meaning in anything precisely for you to be able to create meaning. That's freedom. That's the best thing ever in existence. The experience of it is unspeakably beautiful and fulfilling. Meaningful.

All is well; you are headed the right way. Keep going.

Breathe, love.

Edited February 3, 2019 by ivankiss

[JayG84]

14 hours ago, Maya_0 said:

I think it's worth being grateful for having seen through the illusion. Now you're free to live however you like. You don't have to suffer and take it as real like everyone else. Isn't that what you've always desired anyway? To do whatever you want with nothing stopping you?

At first, I was thankful for this, and I thought that if I just keep doing the work, I will be able to drop everything that's holding me back from having the life that I want to live. I guess I'm just getting frustrated that 4 years later, it hasn't helped with my anxiety and fears of making those bold life decisions that I know I have to make. I catch a glimpse of the illusions, consciously I know it's not real, but I still can't drop that fear of the unknown.

14 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

These realizations are halfway there. Absence of meaning to an ego is dreadful and there can be ego backlash. 

There is a deeper meaning and knowing beneath the ego. Yet it doesn’t serve the ego, so the ego resists it. 

Maybe this is what's keeping my anxiety in control of my actions. The ego is resisting the unknown, so it doubles its efforts to sabotage any progress in my understanding.

13 hours ago, Anna1 said:

"Wisdom is knowing I am no-thing, love is knowing I am every-thing, in between my life moves "

I love this quote, I definitely have to keep this in mind. Thanks.

[JayG84]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

How do you enjoy a movie? You know it's not real yet you enjoy it anyway.

How do you enjoy a video game? You know it's not real yet you enjoy it anyway.

What you don't realize yet is that BEING is superior to meaning. Stop needing meaning. Enjoy being.

You need to become conscious that you are assigning negative meaning to meaninglessness.

You are not conscious of this yet.

Take responsibility over the fact that you create meaning. And create whatever you want.

Sadness is something you are unwittingly creating. It is not a given to be sad. You must do it.

@Leo Gura Do you think it's healthy to think of ego as a director of a movie called "Life" and that he can make this movie whatever he wants it to be? He can choose to make a bad movie or good movie depending on the setting, characters, the story he creates, and the meaning he assigns to things within the story? Maybe a good director could represent a healthy ego.

I seem to be under the impression that, to awaken, means that I should take a sledgehammer to the whole production, fire the crew, and shoot the director in the head. But maybe realizing that the whole thing is fantasy, and being the creator of that fantasy can bring you joy, is the whole key to this?  

Edited February 3, 2019 by JayG84

[Natasha]

@JayG84 It's a stage in the journey, my friend. Mr. Ego is sad 'cos it's being exposed. There's much realization and relief for you down the road. Most of us here have been through this stage and came out safe, sound, liberated, with infinitely more peace. Yes, it can seem scary for a time, but the rewards of going full circle are unmatched. You'll be better than ever, trust the process.

Edited February 3, 2019 by Natasha

[Shin]

 

[Aaron p]

23 hours ago, JayG84 said:

I'm starting to lose interest in everything that use to bring me joy. The more I contemplate, the more I see that everything is an illusion of the mind. Sports, politics, fashion, entertainment. It's all just marketing, ideologies, and stories we tell ourselves. If nothing is real, and the universe is perfect, and everything is up to the intelligence in the consciousness, then how can you care about anything at all? How do you find meaning, when all meaning can be deconstructed? How do you build a life when everything you engage with in society is "chimpery". It doesn't make me want to live life to the fullest, it makes me want to disconnect from all of it.

I came to self-actualization work to try to be happier and find a purpose to my life. What I got was an existential crisis and sadness that the world is meaningless. Now I feel like I'm trying to build a house with hammer made of pixie dust, and I'm ready to give up. 

How do you build a life when all you see is illusion? Some people say "Just play the game called life. Like, I was once a pawn in the chess game, but now I can be the chessmaster. But what if I don't want to play the game anymore? How do I find my way back to living in this world?

 

Yo it doesn't matter... enlightenment is the only thing that matters. This is all still the ego. You wanna be just like the other tens of billions of people who have chosen the measly human life with depression and confusion and loss. You need to ask yourself, are you gonna be one of those tend of billions of people who are ghosts...they fucked their once chance and there never ever ever ever gonna be alive again...one chance and then you NEVER...come back. I don't think you can adequately appreciate death if you are considering quitting your path.

However, you don't want to quit your path. The phraseology of your question suggests you seek affirmation of these truths...that you simply want to sooth your conscious. I had serious doubts about my path when I started and I just remembered my authentic glimpses and powered through and now I've reached a point where I can feel my entire consciousness lifted noticably after each hour long sit. Do not pretend that you do not ***feel*** the deep, unprecedented knowing that the path is ALL that matters. 

The suffering your experiencing is a good sign dawg. Jesus had to die slowly, painfully, lose everything...and die the worst death, bearing the ENTIRE WORLD...all pressing down on his pain. But he endured for the eternal joy that layed before him. Salvation of the entire world, salvation available you YOU/ME. Even if it took 100 lifetimes to find...it would be worth it to taste it for 5 minutes. I have no IDEA how I found this and realised it's absolute important so young. It just so happened I was born in the right year in the right location and was somehow raised to one day discover these truths. The idea that I may never have discovered this freaks me the fuck out.

Edited February 3, 2019 by Aaron p