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billytblack

Mindfulness vs Awareness

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Over the past few days I've come to realise something or rather understand something; how mindfulness and awareness are not the same but complement each other. During the past couple months, I've done a lot of work to gain and maintain awareness in my everyday occupations. I've done 2 Psilocybin trips and made changes in my life. But a question remained.. If I'm more aware than before, shouldn't there be a subtle feeling of joy or happiness in this body? All I could feel was the peace, the silence, the detachment from life. I was watching boredom, watching depression, watching thoughts, etc.

 

But during the last 2 months I had 3 or 4 moments when I made conscious efforts to really focus on what I was doing, to be involved 100% in it. I did this at work, because it was really boring that day. After a while of being totally absorbed by my tasks, I realised 2 hours had went by like this..boom ! Not only that, but I was also feeling so good, in the moment, excited, like nothing else existed. It was the kind of feeling I get when I play music and I'm just in flow with the notes and melodies. The issue was that I wasn't aware of anything else.

 

It's only 3 days ago that it clicked for me. You have to be mindful/present while still maintaining that awareness. One doesn't go without the other. You have to stay focus on what you do.. while still being aware of everything else that's going on. When I meditate, I focus on an object (point on wall, breath, silence, etc), but remain aware of all the other things happening. The detachment is still there, but there's a complete letting go into the present moment.


When you're present/mindful you feel excited, alive, into whatever you do,, WHATEVER you DO. It's like taking coffee without having bad breath afterwards haha. The feeling in the body is not the same either; you feel like you're inhabiting every atom of it. Awareness is the detachment from the body, it is acknowledging that you are not the body, you are not the thoughts, that this activity you're doing could be just a dream, just a game. You take a step back (usually behind and up the body). I obviously need to spend a LOT more time on inquiry here because I feel there's something huge behind all this; there's a shift that must be so powerful that every concept is abandoned and don't mean anything, because there's nobody to whom it could mean something to.

 

Edited by billytblack

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