Ignore criticisms. Just be yourself. Do what you want to do. No excuse.

[CreamCat]

I have had months to sort through what other people were complaining about.

Lots of men and women complain that they can't do what they want to do because of criticisms.

That's a great excuse to not do what you want to do.

Just be yourself. Express yourself in your work. Don't let criticisms stop or delay you. Blow through bullets of criticisms like a terminator. A terminator doesn't use criticism as an excuse to not do the work.

Ignore criticisms. But, accept feedbacks which are also known as constructive criticisms.

Edited January 22, 2019 by CreamCat

[Joseph Maynor]

Sometimes the way people react to you says more about them than you.  They are hurting so they lash out.  They are bored so they bitch and complain.  They are unhappy so they project a shitty attitude onto the world and others.  You can develop a thicker skin where you don’t get triggered by these people.  And you can develop an empathy where you see their hurting is caused by their unhappiness and suffering which then manifests as anger or some other shitty attitude or behavior.

Edited January 22, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[CreamCat]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Sometimes the way people react to you says more about them than you.  They are hurting so they lash out.  They are bored so they bitch and complain.  They are unhappy so they project a shitty attitude onto the world and others.  You can develop a thicker skin where you don’t get triggered by these people.  And you can develop an empathy where you see their hurting is caused by their unhappiness and suffering which then manifests as anger or some other shitty attitude or behavior.

[Wyze]

1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

Sometimes the way people react to you says more about them than you.  They are hurting so they lash out.  They are bored so they bitch and complain.  They are unhappy so they project a shitty attitude onto the world and others.  You can develop a thicker skin where you don’t get triggered by these people.  And you can develop an empathy where you see their hurting is caused by their unhappiness and suffering which then manifests as anger or some other shitty attitude or behavior.

@Joseph Maynor I wonder why people let themselves get into one of these, in the first place? Complacent?

[Forestluv]

@CreamCat It’s nice to do my own thing and I don’t like getting dragged down by negative people. Yet, I also find it rewarding to participate in different groups and feeling part of a community. 

[CreamCat]

1 minute ago, Serotoninluv said:

Yet, I also find it rewarding to participate in different groups and feeling part of a community.

If that's what you want to do, do it.

[Forestluv]

1 minute ago, CreamCat said:

If that's what you want to do, do it.

It is what I want to do, yet it’s also bigger than me. There is meaning and purpose deeper than just what I want to do. 

[Joseph Maynor]

47 minutes ago, Wyze said:

@Joseph Maynor I wonder why people let themselves get into one of these, in the first place? Complacent?

Lack of personal development work in my opinion. 

Another thing I noticed that some people do which is a no no is they lie.  I used to lie when I was younger and then I quit it.  Some people though make a habit of lying and keep that up.  That is a crappy way to go through life.  And people who see that automatically reduce your credibility when they realize you are not forthright.  One of the best things I ever did was just be forthright all the time.  Sometimes this backfires on you, but it's so much easier to never lie than to be trading in lies all the time.  It's assertiveness basically.  In Personal Development this is the topic of Assertiveness.  I wrote on this and it's a real thing and has to be practiced.  You have to learn how to be assertive.  Some people have this trait more naturally than others, but it can be learned through training and education.

Edited January 22, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Wyze]

@Joseph Maynor I agree with the lying habit. I think lying not only discredit you from your community but also you discredit yourself internally. I find habitual liars all suffer from extreme insecurity and low-self esteem eventually.

However, there are times when lying becomes a protection mechanism where "revealing the truth is potentially dangerous" eg, if you find yourself in an hostile environment.

[Joseph Maynor]

On 1/21/2019 at 8:18 PM, Wyze said:

However, there are times when lying becomes a protection mechanism where "revealing the truth is potentially dangerous" eg, if you find yourself in an hostile environment.

Yes.  We might summarize that as the Paradox of Lying and No Lying -- and that you gotta work both sides of this.  Egos do lie strategically, all of us do, even if it is just white lies or omissions or biased representations.

Assertiveness is a habit, but just because you practice assertiveness doesn't mean you never lie.  The Ego is lying a lot all the time.  But you can reduce deliberate factual lying or explicit denials of direct questions with a misleading intent.  People differ on how straightforward they are.  You can put this on a spectrum of straightforward vs. not straightforward.  Some people function on need to know basis and ARE masters of not being straightforward -- as if being straightforward is some kind of a willingness to be hurt or something.  Other people become masters of being straightforward.  

Edited January 23, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Gabriel Antonio]

That is oversimplistic imo. Sheer will-power (“just do it”) is too limited. Also, if you “ignore other people” you can quickly become a stubborn asshole. I speak from personal experience.

@Serotoninluv me too

 

[Tal]

Just be on the path of yours . Be aware of limitations or excuses that rise in the mind and over time you will gain more control over yourself. Just do it without hurting others. 

[Shin]

59 minutes ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

That is oversimplistic imo. Sheer will-power (“just do it”) is too limited. Also, if you “ignore other people” you can quickly become a stubborn asshole. I speak from personal experience.

@Serotoninluv me too

 

???

[Tal]

You are indipendent of what others think of you. Go do what you want to do in a rational strategic manner (for example using systems thinking and integrating of different perspectives, fields etc) 

[Michael569]

Still, it is good to recognise a constructive criticism, especially when it does not come neetly packaged. Some people do not know how to do that, they mean well but it comes as rude, insensitive and something we would usually want to ignore. I've learned a lot from critiques that came out as borderline offensive but the message was very clear and useful.

[Forestluv]

3 hours ago, Tal said:

You are independent of what others think of you. Go do what you want to do in a rational strategic manner (for example using systems thinking and integrating of different perspectives, fields etc) 

For sure that independence is true from one perspective. From another perspective, we are interconnected. Just like you have lots of neurotransmitters bouncing around in your brain, people are like neurotransmitters to each other in a collective brain. Your brain is not independent from this interconnected system.

Consider that the microorganisms in your gut communicate with your brain through your vagus nerve. That gut microbiome influences your brain activity and what you think, perceive and feel. Those microorganisms are part of your brain and who you are. Furthermore, that bacteria helps regulate your metabolism and immune system. It would be inaccurate for to say "I am independent from the bacteria in my gut". That bacteria in your gut is literally you, they are one of the screenwriters creating the story you call "me". From this perspective, we are not independent from our environment. An individual is not separate - it is within an interconnected whole.

[CreamCat]

12 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I've learned a lot from critiques that came out as borderline offensive but the message was very clear and useful.

There is a line you want to defend. It's like asking whether a CEO should keep a toxic high performer in one's company. Not in the long term.

[RichardY]

A Terminator has their Cyberdyne system chip set to Read-Only. Dew it!

[Forestluv]

@CreamCat You say to ignore criticism and just do what you want to do. I'm curious where you would draw the line between doing what one wants and harming others.

For example, I never got married or had children. Over my life, I got a lot of criticism from my family. I essentially ignored this criticism and did what I wanted. Since I didn't harm anyone by not having children, I think most would agree that doing what you want is a good thing in this case. If I did what others wanted, I would not have been happy and it would have been a mess.

On the other extreme, what if a guy wants sex and rapes a woman to get what he wants. I think most would agree that the harm to the woman is too much and the man should not do what he wants in this case.

These are extreme examples, yet we could think of many cases in a grey area. For example, what if someone wanted to get drunk and be an ass at a party? Is that cool? Or what if a guy wants to have an affair?

I often hear people say "You should do what you want, as long as it doesn't harm others". I'm curious if you would agree with that statement. If so, where is your threshold for what counts as "harming others"? For me, it can be a tricky to balance my own wants with how my actions may impact others. Over my life, what counts as "harm to others" has changed. When I was younger, I did things that I wouldn't do today because what I consider harm to others has changed.

 

[CreamCat]

6 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

I often hear people say "You should do what you want, as long as it doesn't harm others". I'm curious if you would agree with that statement.

I agree with it although you can still just do what you want if you are willing to face adverse consequences. I don't harm others because I don't want to harm others. I do what I want as long as it doesn't harm others because I want to do so and because I know it is practically the most amount of freedom I can have and the most amount of freedom that I want others to have.

6 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

where is your threshold for what counts as "harming others"?

• Physical damage
• Imposing limitations on thoughts and actions without giving people a practical option to opt out and do their own things elsewhere.
  • I don't care about toxic subcultures as long as they stay in their comfort zones although I think they need help with getting out of comfort zones. People should go beyond their own comfort zones as much as possible.
• Consistent libel toward one specific person?? The punishment for libel should be up to individual venues like conferences.

Edited January 23, 2019 by CreamCat