BjarkeT

To grow you must suffer

26 posts in this topic

46 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@SaltyMeatballs I had planted this belief that I HAD to suffer to grow. I was unconsciously inviting suffering into my life everyday from this belief. 

I was unnecessary suffering. 

I am seeing a humanistic therapist who made me realise what I was doing was actually silly. She said. "Suffering will come Charlotte dont worry about that."

That sounds a lot like me right now. Im all about not running away from suffering, but sometimes it feels like im actively looking for it just so that I can overcome it. I thought this was a good habit, but now im not sure.

How did you challenge this belief? And did it help?

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@DoubleYou  I didn't actually challenge it. Once I became aware of it I dropped it immediately. I was unconsciously doing it. Realising I was doing it was a lightbulb moment. Smack in the face so to speak. 

Massively helped.  

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@Joseph Maynor Or, traumas could shove you deeper into egoic trenches. Some world war veterans became useless for years because of PTSD. Different people process traumas differently.

That's why growth is one's responsibility. Pain by itself can't make you grow.

Edited by CreamCat

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This is again paradoxical.

 

Suffering coming from growth pains and ego backlashes are a natural sign of development. Suffering coming from facing the obstacles, getting out of the comfort zone and going against your mind's will to stay as it is are also signs of development.

 

However, you must be very careful with your interpretation. You're not pursuing suffering. You are not looking for suffering in order to get a sense of development. If you happen to get identified with the suffering, to become that "poor person that suffers", you are fucked. Your ego will feed of that shit like crazy. The ego doesn't want to be the coolest person on the Earth.  It wants identity, and suffering can become an identity so you will have a huge ego that craves suffering that you won't be able to escape. Many people are addicted to suffering as a form of creating their identity. Be very careful of that because that is not spiritual, that is not zen, that is not beautiful. 

 

 

"To grow you must suffer" is a powerful phrase if you know where it is coming from. But listen to it without presence and wisdom and you can get fucked.

 

I guess if you put it like "To grow you must suffer, feel the suffering, assess what is going wrong and act to change it, time and time again, dozens of times, hundreds of times, and you will see you've become great".  If you're not learning from the suffering, that means, changing your behavior based on it, you haven't learned anything

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6 hours ago, CreamCat said:

@Joseph Maynor Or, traumas could shove you deeper into egoic trenches. Some world war veterans became useless for years because of PTSD. Different people process traumas differently.

That's why growth is one's responsibility. Pain by itself can't make you grow.

Plenty of vets came back from the war and had a different experience than my dad did for sure.  Yeah, we’re all different.  We all come from different wellsprings so to speak.  It’s like taking two different systems and placing them under the same conditions, you might get very different reactions.  War made my dad super appreciative of civilian life.  Other people came back from the war and became homeless, whereas my dad came back from the war and made a shit-load of money without a college degree.  I confirmed with him last night that the war made him incredibly grateful for basic civilian life that it was just easy for him to not get caught up in stupid sh*t.  My dad was also a marathon runner.  I think a lot of my personality has been influenced by my dad.  I watched my dad succeed easily my whole life.  It came so naturally to him.  Of course I was the spoiled child, so I never gave a sh*t about working for money, which I fully realize now has pros and cons to it.  The pro is that I got to spend all my time on things other than working for money.  Basically I’ve been able to be semi-retired my whole life.  That has pros and cons to it.  But I see now that my dad wanted me to do those higher things without having to worry about money.  The problem is I never had to learn how to chase money.  I never needed to and I probably will never need to.  I still want to make my own money though, I think it’s important, but the pressure to do so was never pressing on me.  

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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1 hour ago, Joseph Maynor said:

it was just easy for him to not get caught up in stupid sh*t.

What kind of stupid shit?

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