Wisebaxter

There and Back Again, a Tripper's Tale

129 posts in this topic

That's not all. Later in the day .I dropped another 125uc and woke up still tripping but noticed where someone had been altering my posts in a thread I had commented on earlier. 

So basically I'm still tripping while trying to untangle some suspected Zen devilry manipulations to my previous posts at 3 am. It was so horribly confusing, ,what could I do but laugh,,, and try not to lose my marbles completely. I finally think I got it sorted out. I feel ragged out though.?

Yesterday and last night were unique learning experiences. 

I didn't know whether to shit or wind my watch,,,


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I'll probably have some more comments on what you brought up in a day or two. My thinking battery is running low at the moment. ?


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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@Zigzag Idiot I surprised you could muster the concentration to solve that issue whilst tripping. I've dropped a load more cubensis powder and I'm starting to feel it. I'm thinking I'm gonna do a proper trip next week so it's good to get a feel for it.

Have a good rest mate, sounds like you need it. Hope you're taking good care of yourself. 

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Microdosing report 

Have done four microdoses so far, two of them consecutively, the others were four days apart. 

The first 2 were around 0.8g, which yeah, is a bit over a microdose but I had nothing planned so what the hell :) I fancied a nitro boost to start thinks off. 

The next one was around 1.0 I think in all honesty, but I'm not sure. I just chucked a load of powder in a cup and necked it. 

The last one, yesterday, was 0.5, so more of a normal microdose. I was able to meet a friend that day and function well, feeling more confident and natural than normal. In fact, I may not have even agreed to meet her normally, but hard to say. 

This quote sums up my experience quite well:

"Previous research has found that typical doses of psychedelics can disrupt “normality” in ways that promote cognitive flexibility and divergent thinking, which often leads to creative insights."

So I'm experiencing, in a nutshell:

  • More emotional control 
  • More alignment to truth, through an enhanced capacity to slip into metathinking. 
  • A deeper awareness of underlying assumptions, leading to a breakdown in the validity of negative, habitual thoughts 
  • A more positive, optimistic outlook on life in general and a deeper faith in my own abilities. 
  • The ability to deconstruct my thoughts and beliefs by tracing them back to their origins. 
  • A tendency to think more existensially about the nature of thinking, beliefs and concepts and to be able to seperate them from awareness or truth. 
  • An enhanced connection to the truth, like layers of bullshit get cut away really quickly. Or if not truth, then at least a deeper awareness of how ideas have been constructed
  • A deeper connection to the moment and the world around me. I'm noticing beautiful things I wouldn't have noticed or appreciated before, like lights being reflected on surfaces, or shadows of leaves dancing on a fence. 
  • More patience with people and more of a capacity to have connections and not push people away. I'm not as worried about letting people down or feeling the burden of having to talk to them. I feel like I'm being less selfish maybe, but it's early days here and there may not be a link. 

I have been meditating a lot more too in general, doing self inquiry and connecting with my breath, so that's a factor that will be influencing the above to greater or lesser degrees. I'd imagine that microdosing and starting a good meditation routine could be a really great combo as they would feed into each other. 

So some fantastic results so far. I can really see the long term growth to be had and where it might lead, so I'm really excited. 

 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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It's a tough world at times.

Summary of pet care and karma- I allowed my cat to get a bad case of fleas. In bed with a fever last night my cat visited me and gave me fleas. 

I wrote quite a bit last night that was random and non-sequitur. Just writing stuff off the top of my head.  A text to a friend- The last capacity that leaves a sane man that truly makes him human, before he goes into the abyss of death or insanity is the capacity to crack a joke.

Gratitude forms a positive feedback loop which nourishes the immune system.

Stay light-hearted friend.


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I've recently realised that the whole idea of enlightenment has almost been erased from my mind. My last post on here was three friggin years ago.  It's so easy to get lost in content and day to day survival needs. I haven't been able to get hold of any psychedelics either since my favourite dark web site closed. Perhaps the ego tries to stay alive through getting us lost in content and distractions. It could be that I have more chance at mystical experiences now my survival needs are being met more. isn't it just how I choose to frame it? being God? When I was meditating before and tripping I couldn't get past a certain depth of experience. I had what I'd describe as some minor 'infinite love' awakenings, plus a load of relative insights that helped me move forward, but no ego death or experience of the absolute. Now I have a job, a great relationship, future prospects and more stability, I really want to start some practices again in earnest, hence this journalling for starters. Sending you all blessings of love and realisation. 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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Posted (edited)

I've been hopelessly addicted to weed for about 25 years. I'm trying to understand the addiction to help myself quit. Here's a a reflection on how I feel when high:

  • Calm, easier to focus, especially on activities that are usually challenging or mundane
  • Happier
  • More Excited. Everything around me seems cooler, more colourful. I marvel at life more. 
  • I feel more of a sense of fight, like I want to fight, am fighting, can achieve what I want. I seem my dreams and visions more clearly. 
  • Even now I feel inspired on it, more inspired to give up weed. It’s like I can envisage the story of my triumph. 
  • The anxiety feels more intense, or differently intense at the very least. Less pleasant. 
  • Feel more ‘myself’ on it, Like more of a hippy, more chilled man. Everything is chill, mellow, no need to stress
  • Beauty feels more prevalent and envelops my senses more. 
  • Able to focus more on tasks
  • Feel like more of a badass. I like myself more. I’m on a mission, growing rising, expanding. 
  • My body feels nicer, more relaxed, like it’s wrapped cotton wool. It’s like I’m getting a hug from the universe
  • I tend to stay focused on the present moment more and working towards the future. More action taking
  • My environment or life situation feels less oppressive. My room feels cosy instead of depressing. It’s like it changes the lens I see through, alters my perception of it, or just makes it more inconsequential as I’m doing stuff. 
  • I’m less reflective and I don’t turn inwards as much. 
  • Life feels more transcendent and less common place and mundane. When I’m sober it’s drudgery, boring old ‘life,’ with it’s challenges, trying to motivate myself to do work, feel good, control my experience.  It’s easy, just get high, I’m good.
  • I feel life’s comforts more, baths, food, presence, sounds. I enjoy them more, I’m more intimate with them, so my life feels more enriched and enjoyable, rather than not stimulating me. 
  • Music works with the weed to completely relax and uplift me. 
  • Everything is less effort. Even getting out of bed. There’s just no inspiration there without it. Why would I want to create now, it doesn’t stimulate me, it’s just boring. I chose a boring career than I can only do when I’m high? Or it could be an exciting career but now it feels boring as there’s a tangible drop in enjoyment. Now it’s a chore, like everything else. Work. My creativity doesn’t please or excite me. I don’t listen back to music and think ‘I’m doing it, I’m winning, this is so cool.’ 
  • More optimistic. 
  • Life is more magical and divine. There is no sober God, there is just a hard world. 
  • There are so many fun things I could do. VR, go for a walk, write a book, do some work. It’s hard to choose. Sober, they all require effort. 
  • There are few balms for sobriety, other than weed. 
  • Everything is brighter, prettier, cooler, more magnificent. My apple keyboard, my Eiffel towel. Objects have more beauty and wonder. So does the world, a tree, something in the gutter. I’m more grateful and happy to be alive. It’s all such a marvel. 
  • I’m more playful. Linked to creativity? 

Now isn't this a great list to persuade myself to buy weed? What I'm wondering is, how much of that could I experience sober, if I knew how or gave up for long enough? How much of it is purely attributable to the drugs? What I'm worried about is life being boring if I give it up. What's the point? I've given it up for 7-8 months max from time to time and things might get a little better but when I smoke again, man, I remember how good it feels. I'm Back home. Right now a lack of creativity would really be an issue for me as I'm doing a creative MA. But what the hell is the point of doing a career I constantly need to be high for anyway? Maybe I should get through the course first at least. But I'm low on money and rent is due. It's not a logical, rational move to buy drugs. This time I can make the decision to stop and be sensible, rather than having it forced upon me. that should be empowering. 

 

 

OIG1 (6).jpeg

Edited by Wisebaxter

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Posted (edited)

Ok here's me without weed, on day one:

Very focused on anxious thoughts, pretty much constantly

Lack of concentration on Uni work, keep needing some kind of dopamine fix from somewhere else, like dating apps or Instagram. 

Bored

Irritated

Kind of empty, like nothing is that stimulating, 

Lonely

Sad

Uninspired. It's like nothing really matters me. Chatting on dating apps was still fun though and stimulating to a degree. Purely stimulating things like instagram still did their job. 

Don't give a fuck about making music. 

Almost yearning for Bumble messages, like I needed them like a drug. 

Everything feels like a chore, more motivation needed. 

Couldn't be fucked to clean my room. 

Bare scowl 

Didn't exercise 

Even writing this is infinitely more dull than the list from yesterday above. Look at the difference in the two posts in terms of detail

No drive, no ambition, no juice, like a lemon that's been run over by a tank (that made me smile)

This is what I'm noticing as the main difference now, the lack of drive, passion and motivation. it's pulpable 

Writing this list is cheering me up a bit. It's helping to shine a light on it all. 

Weed = magical world. No weed = mundane world. 

Lack of excitement. Really I'm just writing the opposite of the last list. 

Missing Lucie, whereas if I had weed I'd forget about her. I could distract myself from these thoughts a lot easier. 

It might be bollocks but I feel might be a bit more grounded. Also more caring of other people's feelings and less likely to waste my time and get drawn down rabbit holes of stimulation. Could it be that the intensity of the weed creates more opportunities for procrastination?

Right now I'm wondering if I feel a bit...'fresher,' also a bit more...levelled. I'm enjoying the break from the intoxication. 

I applied for a job as I was so fucking bored anyway as I may as well. I'd be bored doing anything so many as well chose the most productive task to be bored with 

 

 

Edited by Wisebaxter

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Hey Brotherman,

It's been a while,,,,

On 3/11/2024 at 6:21 PM, Wisebaxter said:

Ok here's me without weed, on day one:

Very focused on anxious thoughts, pretty much constantly

Lack of concentration on Uni work, keep needing some kind of dopamine fix from somewhere else, like dating apps or Instagram. 

Bored

Irritated

Kind of empty, like nothing is that stimulating, 

Lonely

Sad

Uninspired. It's like nothing really matters me. Chatting on dating apps was still fun though and stimulating to a degree. Purely stimulating things like instagram still did their job. 

Don't give a fuck about making music. 

Almost yearning for Bumble messages, like I needed them like a drug. 

Everything feels like a chore, more motivation needed. 

Couldn't be fucked to clean my room. 

Bare scowl 

Didn't exercise 

Even writing this is infinitely more dull than the list from yesterday above. Look at the difference in the two posts in terms of detail

No drive, no ambition, no juice, like a lemon that's been run over by a tank (that made me smile)

This is what I'm noticing as the main difference now, the lack of drive, passion and motivation. it's pulpable 

Writing this list is cheering me up a bit. It's helping to shine a light on it all. 

Weed = magical world. No weed = mundane world. 

Lack of excitement. Really I'm just writing the opposite of the last list. 

Missing Lucie, whereas if I had weed I'd forget about her. I could distract myself from these thoughts a lot easier. 

It might be bollocks but I feel might be a bit more grounded. Also more caring of other people's feelings and less likely to waste my time and get drawn down rabbit holes of stimulation. Could it be that the intensity of the weed creates more opportunities for procrastination?

Right now I'm wondering if I feel a bit...'fresher,' also a bit more...levelled. I'm enjoying the break from the intoxication. 

I applied for a job as I was so fucking bored anyway as I may as well. I'd be bored doing anything so many as well chose the most productive task to be bored with 

 

 

Terence Mckenna made note of something that I also found to be similar with me. When I get off cannabis, My dreamworld becomes much richer, When I'm smoking cannabis regularly,,, I don't have that vivid of dreams. Mckenna hypothesized that the daytime hours was filled with more revery. Thus , the subconscious was accessed throughout the day, relieving surplus pressures ,,, for lack of a better way of saying it.

Drop in and visit if you feel like it,

Take care!


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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