There and Back Again, a Tripper's Tale

[Wisebaxter]

4 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

You had me laughing quite hard there, luckily I sat on the toilet while reading this or elise I might have shat myself 

@Igor82 Haha yeah I always recommend being on the toilet when reading one of my posts. I'll sometimes slip a sneaky, impromptu gag in there to help people with their bowel movements. It's part of my life purpose

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter Alright, today was a slight failure.

I took 200mg's of Modafinil, right when I woke up on an empty stomach (I normally eat breakfast at 11 am and taking modafinil at that time would have me stay up all night)

Today: I did succeed with completing my morning routine, and I took a very good cold shower. When I was about to work on the computer I instead started distracting myself. I wanted to watch porn, I wanted to play video games, watch youtube, much more than I wanted to do the work. I couldn't muster the strength to actually work. Imagine the focusing power of modafinil and now apply that to the subconscious intent of distraction. I did make a good job at distracting myself! I didn't want to take a break as that would be painful for me because I felt like I didn't deserve a break because I didn't work! So the distraction session became pretty exhausting.

Effects:

• Modafinil for me just applies wakefulness and a strong desire to focus on doing something, whether it is to meditate or to cook food. It puts me more in touch with the mastery mindset, allowing me to be much more efficient with what im doing. Modafinil gives me motivation indirectly as I want to use these effects and not piss them away.
• As I did the Kriya I didn't really go super deeper into it. It didn't calm my mind more or give me more focus or discipline that I would normally have when doing the routine. It did though remove some of the stuff that would hinder me to be effective such as fatigue and a screaming monkey mind.
• More focus and more efficiency are what I got from the substance today.

Im gonna do another schedule tomorrow and Im gonna take 200mg right after waking up early. Im really gonna take more breaks and im gonna attempt do-nothing at one of the breaks (probably on the afternoon). Im really gonna try to not distract myself this time. I'll report on the consciousness effects and how it all went tomorrow.

[Wisebaxter]

@Igor82 thanks for the report. The thing with Modafinil is you'll still need to muster up the motivation to be productive as it doesn't give you more inspiration or anything, it just gives you focus with whatever you're doing, whether it's life purpose stuff of watching that hunnie's tits bouncing up and down on your computer screen. One video I found great for motivation recently is this one: 
 

Basically, self discipline = freedom. It's a war you fight every day but it gets easier and easier the more you stick to the habit, that's what I find anyway. Is it creative, arty stuff you do? if so then Steven Pressfield's War on Art is fantastic for getting motivation there. No matter how you feel, just get that shit done. Great to hear that you got some indirect discipline from Modafinil though. I know what you mean about not wanting to waste it. 

Here's another idea, schedule breaks like you said and just chill and allow yourself to do whatever you like, play a game for a bit, whatever. If you allow these things and don't fight against them, you might naturally gravitate away from them.  What we resist persists etc, especially when we beat ourselves up for beating ourselves off  If you need to bust a nut dude, go for it. I know the feeling. Giving ourselves shit all the time and fighting against ourselves is very neurotic and hardly ever works. That's why there's so much of this nofap shit going on etc and people fall off the wagon again and again. I'm not saying that these habits are good for people in the long run, but the way we try to give them up hardly ever works. We guilt and blame ourselves to buggery, moralising, 'shoulding.' I'm only staying off of weed at the moment because I'm not actually craving it. If the cravings start to kick my arse again, I'll buy some and it will be ego backlash time. When Stranger Things Season 3 comes out, that will probably have me beaten I'll need to get baked and watch it. But this time I'll welcome it and look forward to this phase ending (usually through realising how unhappy it makes me) and for the next phase of my development to begin. Sorry if I'm advising you on stuff you're well aware of. I can see from looking at your other posts that you're far from being a rookie. But still, if anything I'm saying has a chance of helping, I'll always throw this shit out there. So grip your member tightly my friend and have at it! By the Gods jerk that shit until you've had your earthly fill and your balls are naught but dried up old prunes. 

But anyway....you'll enjoy these distractions more too as you know you're getting other stuff done. Personally I'd aim for doing nothing and quietening my mind during breaks, so try that too if you can. Experiment experiment, see what works. It's the explorer approach, not the crazed gold miner. 

As for Kriya, you might struggle getting any extra effect out if it as you're already super present and focused from the Modafinil, but who knows.  

Don't say failure dude....no such thing...only one more step towards knowing how to succeed. You're working it out. Remember as well though that you're perfect already. You have every emotional state already available to you. That's the only reason we chase this life purpose stuff anyway, to achieve a state. The do nothing practice will eventually put you into a deep state of bliss if you do it for long enough. Surrendering to our own perfection is hard with all the programming we have, but it's only a hair's breadth away, always. 

How have you been getting on today with it?

Edited March 6, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter Awesome post! I watched the video and it was really motivating. Every second, every minute, we gotta hold the line and go trough the motions....  Faliure does not exsist indeed!

Today I woke up at 1pm because I stayed up all night. The modafinil seemed to last for a really long time and it caused me to have sufficent energy to keep distracting myself until 6am. But as I woke up, I felt happy and excited. I know that I will try again tomorrow and I know that the lessons I bear with me from my “faliures” will just lead me to success if I keep at it.

Its soo damn hard, but you keep at it, you go trough the motions and you keep trying, failing and trying again. Giving up is not an option. Id rather overdose on 5-meo 

It really helps to hear this from you (or another person in general). A post dedicated to help me out, made by the care of another is always worth the read and really helps out! A different perspective is invaluable, thank you for this!!

 

I will try again tomorrow now mindful of my faliures. I will wake up early and tackle the day like a boss. Talk to yo soon.

[Wisebaxter]

@Igor82 My pleasure brother!

Spoken like a true boss indeed. You have that fire in your belly, I can feel it's heat from here (wipes sweat from brow). To battle, again! 

Edited March 6, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

Guys I did 150ug for my first trip. Should I go to 200ug on Saturday, or 250ug? Or more than that? @TheAvatarState @peanutspathtotruth @Serotoninluv  @ZZZZ @Igor82

@Igor82 Did you do that 200ug in the end you mentioned you were gonna do a way back, around the time I was taking my first trip? I have a feeling you did and I ready your trip report, but I'm not 100%. 

Edited March 7, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Igor82]

@Wisebaxter You replied some fat ones on my trip report. Enlightenment might come to you trough Alzheimers, the secret path of forgetfulness that Ralston never talked about. You forget all the distractions and go stare at a wall for 30 days straight.

 

My opinion:

I would stay safe and go for 200ug. If you can manage to sit without distractions on 200ug then you will get a solid trip. You must enter this path from a position of strength and not scarcity, I would not recommend doing larger doses because of the sole reason that you won't be able to trip again for a while that because that reason is stressful. Go with that comfortable calling and be ready for it. How would you trip right now if LSD was legal and you would be completely free to do it anytime you wanted? Explore the path with your intuition. You can even go 150ug once again with the lessons you learned from last time! 

[Wisebaxter]

26 minutes ago, Igor82 said:

My opinion:

I would stay safe and go for 200ug. If you can manage to sit without distractions on 200ug then you will get a solid trip. You must enter this path from a position of strength and not scarcity, I would not recommend doing larger doses because of the sole reason that you won't be able to trip again for a while that because that reason is stressful. Go with that comfortable calling and be ready for it. How would you trip right now if LSD was legal and you would be completely free to do it anytime you wanted? Explore the path with your intuition. You can even go 150ug once again with the lessons you learned from last time! 

@Igor82 Sure did, I hear ya. I think I'll go with 200ug then. No need to take unnecessary risks. 

Alzheimers? Lol. But people with that condition get distressed as fuck. Maybe it's because everyone around them is trying to get them to remember shit. Dad, it's me! Why don't you remember! If they just left them alone maybe they'd become enlightened. You could take Modafinil every day and do nothing but stare at a wall all day. Take a month of everything and try it. I'm going to give it a go at some point

 

Edited March 7, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[TheAvatarState]

@Wisebaxter 200ug no more. Good luck and please tell us how it goes! I know you're trying to find answers. 

[Wisebaxter]

33 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

@Wisebaxter 200ug no more. Good luck and please tell us how it goes! I know you're trying to find answers. 

@TheAvatarState Thanks dude, 200ug it is then. In terms of answers, I've made some real progress really just going deep into the present moment, so I hope to continue with that work, just piercing into 'being' itself and perhaps I'll have some kind of breakthrough. I'm really expanding on a breakthrough I had the other day (see above) and seeing if I can strike while the iron's hot y'know, while I have the eye of Teotl on me  

Edited March 7, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

Ego death awaits me today.... and the white shores beyond, if I am blessed, for the orcs are pounding heavily upon my entrance

 

Edited March 10, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

ok, live report....as best as I can...

Right now I'm exploring the paradox, within this physical realm, that I seem to be both the creator, but subject to...a creative force....is it a battle? It could be? But better it be a dance...of gradual awakening...How much of this is still an ego, attempting to sound poetic? 

Just made some dope ass audio recordings which I'll upload later. sneak preview....totally woke shit lolol....ok, just playfulness now. Thanks Teotl. 

Edited March 10, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Zigzag Idiot]

Do you find it possible to observe your thoughts, feelings, and sense your body all at once?

Are the walls and ceilings breathing?

Remember, for today, no eating out of the dog food bowl or chasing cars,,,, ?@Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

@Zigzag Idiot Haha don't dude! I'm literally hanging onto like a threadbare of sanity here  Na I'm groovy, it is just mind bending stuff. Well, how can words and concepts do it justice right? You're experiencing it as well as I am, to an extent, as we're communicating, so, thanks for being a part of it (how could anything be a-part from it) in terms of time and concepts, but all are bending....

I've been doing a lot of audio this time around, so thanks for giving me that idea! I'm gonna post all of this stuff too, the audio I mean, on my YouTube channel, whoa....wtf is a Youtube channel!! I'm still so fucked 

Quick summary:

Teotl is a playful prankster!! 

 

Edited March 10, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

There is a message for you:

The time of Wisebaxter the White is upon us. Gather your forces at Helms Deep. Look to the East for his arrival, for he brings with him news of his journey through the bowels of the earth and from the white shores beyond. Vital information for the upcoming war. 

hehehe.mp3 

Edited March 10, 2019 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

But what is this? Where is Wisebaxter the White? No....I am not him...I am Wisebaxter.....the woke

[Zigzag Idiot]

 

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[KyleR]

How are you with the weed lately mate? How was your latest trip? I did 250ug couple month ago and went super unconscious into a bad trip but lot of lessons realised after that I need to work towards integrating. 

What type of music do you produce btw? 

[Wisebaxter]

@KyleR Hey bro, I'm actually doing great with the weed at the moment, thanks for asking. I haven't really had any cravings, largely because things like meditation, Kriya Yoga, contemplation, self inquiry etc give me such a buzz. I mean that literally, I can feel almost as stoned from doing Kriya Yoga and meditation as I do from smoking weed and it's a much cleaner buzz. Plus the memory of how awful the weed makes me feel, with the paranoia and panic attacks etc is still quite raw. One more thing is, I'm not actually worried about getting cravings again. I've told myself that if I do I'll just roll with it and get high. Accepting ego backlash is part of the process and I know that when that period ends it'll sky rocket my progress yet again. So the key is, don't fear it, don't fight it. Resistance is the thing to watch out for.

The trip was incredible. I'm putting together my trip report for this forum at the moment, but if you're interested, here's the audio (below): 

you may want to wait for the written trip report though as there's a lot of audio here, some of it not that relevant or interesting so I'm going to condense it. 

Was that your first trip dude? If so that's quite a large dose. Has it put you off of doing it again? My trip went kind of nasty at one point but I managed to rescue it. I can see how this stuff could get quite dark though. If a dark image popped into my head it was so so vivid. 

I'm still learning how to produce at the moment so I spending all of my time copying other tracks, playing around and mastering the art, but it's electronic stuff, mainly synthwave (stranger things type stuff) and Progressive house. Are you into any creative stuff yourself?

 

 

 

[KyleR]

That’s mega mate! Need to get on Kriya yoga hearing so much about it. You think there’ll come a point you’re done with weed for good? The paranoia can go deeep but having it sporadically I find can still be blissful, just gotta be on alert for monkey mind?although you’ve had it wayy more than me, effects likely more intense.

Ah look forward to reading it mate! Will check more of the audio out aswell??all just❤️?I’ve done 100-125ug 4/5 times prior, all beautiful experiences with some lessons learnt, felt it was time to go deeper but got out of hand pretty quick and just took me?deeper lessons that I will work towards integrating! 

What previous experiences you had? Mad the difference between the smaller dose, can’t even imagine what the mega doses are like, might need a shaman or some shit for that lol. I’ll do em again for sure, think I’ll be more aware next time, took me by surprise, way more intense than half the dose but had a lot of shit going on mentally too and asked beforehand about facing it all, oh did it show me?

Nice mate, good mate of mine producing tech house atm in his earlyish stages but has great potential imo you see it as a long term thing? Not atm myself, wanna learn how to produce tho