Zigzag Idiot

Zigzag Idiot and the ladder of Objective Reason

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                                                                                    Horses I've known

I began riding horses before I was big enough to put a saddle on one or get into the saddle without having to lead the horse and make it stand by the corral. I would then use the corral as a ladder and hop into the saddle. My first horse was a huge, docile palomino named Pal that I would just lead around like a pet brontosaurus. One summer afternoon I was leading Pal for a stroll around the wellhouse and I stopped for some reason and Pal stepped onto my little bare foot and stood there for a brief time with a good bit of his weight smashing my bare foot against the hard shale ground. I still remember the pain and Pal's seeming indifference. I screamed with everything I had. It seemed like an eternity before Pal got a clue and got off my bare foot. It hurt so bad I almost passed out. I couldn't walk. I remember crawling/dragging myself away from Pal and towards the house. No bones in my foot had been broken but it was one of my first good lessons in paying attention. The pain I felt as he stood on my foot was intense.

My next horse was a better fit. A Heinz 57 runt sorrel named Cricket. I think Cricket had some Shetland in his pedigree but despite that, he had a great disposition. As a rule, Shetland's are notorious for being ornery. If you don't like your child or think they're in need of a little character building, just buy them a Shetland pony.

I don't remember what happened to Cricket but my next horse was a kind of a strawberry roan Welch pony named Prince.  Welch ponies are bigger than Shetlands but shorter than the usual riding or working horse. Prince was an asshole. By that time I was just big enough to saddle him by myself with some strategy and great effort. Prince had several bad habits. One was that he had a way of bringing up one hind leg in a weird maneuver and kicking me when I put my left foot up into the styrup to get on him. I resorted to mounting him from the corral fence but the little bastard learned to step away from the fence if I was too slow. I had to constantly change my strategies like lead him by a pickup bed, stock trailer, or anything I could climb onto, to launch onto his back. Prince also had the bad habit of jumping up and trying to scrape me off his back whenever I rode him under low hanging tree limbs. He would also vastly overcompensate in jumping small streams as if they were the Grand Canyon. Without a firm hold onto the saddle horn, I would just find myself left in midair as he dramatically launched across. Whenever I got thrown off, there was no catching him as a rule, either. He would just prance around ahead of me with his head up like he was laughing at me and eventually return to the barn or find a sweet spot to graze.

My next horse was a hand-me-down from my sister. A small distinguished black and white paint horse named Cisco. I got along pretty good with Cisco. For a small horse, Cisco preferred to run flat out instead of gallop. Cricket and Cisco both enjoyed gathering cattle. Prince was moody and untrustworthy and seemed to only enjoy being left alone or making things difficult for me. There were many more horses,,,,

In time I opted for small motorcycles instead of horses. You didn't have to catch and saddle a motorcycle or be on guard for it opposing you in unexpected ways.

To be continued sometime maybe ,,,,,


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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                                                             Lsd vs Mushrooms 

My friend hit the bullseye psychologically with a stout dose of lsd a couple of weeks ago. We shared a few mushroom trips together the last few months and she wanted to give lsd a try. The first time I gave her 100 ug and she wasn't very impressed. In the meantime I had been using Lsd fairly frequently. Enough that I experienced developing a tolerance to it. Time went by and she wanted to try a heavier dose so I gave her 500ug which had become just an average dose for me. Life hasn't been easy for her the last few years. She has had a number of health issues including a battle with breast cancer. Over the weekend we did another Cubensis trip and I really learned how beneficial the lsd trip had been for her as we talked. All of our psilocybin trips we had used 5 dried grams of Golden Teacher cubensis made into a tea with lemon juice. They were all pleasant. No bad trips. She got a little sick to her stomach once but it wasn't a big deal for her. 

To her, the lsd trip freed her up in a sense psychologically more dramatically than any of the mushroom trips.  She was adamant about that as we shared and processed over the weekend. ?‍♂️ Go figure,,,,as the saying goes,,,,

At higher doses body temperature noticeably rises. For me it has become an aphrodisiac. A few months ago that would have  been an absurd notion to me. Go figure,,,,,, again,,,,,?‍♂️

More later on why I quit trying to give trip reports,,,


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I made a decision when I joined Actualized that I would not follow other jounalers officially, although I've been tempted a time or two. But if you are following my Journal, I always read your posts when I run across them. There are several jounalers and posters out in the forum that I follow in my own way and I'm probably making too big a deal out of it but thought I should maybe explain myself. I seek out their Journals and posts sometimes because their viewpoints interest me. My reasoning for taking this stance could be skewed and illogical.

So it's probably more selfishness than arrogance that I do this although I struggle with both.

My ego is flattered but my True Self is humbled that I have a few who are following my Journal. Anyone is welcome to private message me. Especially you guys following me. Conversations with me out in the open often result in me saying something off the wall and awkward and half cringeworthy but not on purpose. Not always, so take your chances if you want or like I said private messages are fine. I don't do well usually in a quick back and forth message exchange with PM's. I'm usually multitasking and I'm bad to obsess and spend too much time phrasing and wording when I'm cooresponding. But if someone writes me with a question or sometimes a comment that begs a response although sometimes slow, I always write back. Often quick though. Depends on what I have going on.

 

This is one one thing that has made me reconsider my Center of Gravity in regards to the three brained being typology. At first I considered myself an intellectually centered type. After a great deal of self Observation of the pattern of intense swings in emotion, I thought then I must be an emotionally  centered person.. This is all after I ignored the suggestion of the lady who taught me the system or got me started on the study of essence/endocrine types, anyway. She suggested that I was an Instinctive or moving centered type. People who can't sit still is an indication of one having their center of gravity as Instinctivemoving. Intellectual type isn't any better than emotional or Instinctive centered. It gets complicated because the Instinctive Center is subdivided between Instinctive moving centered and just plain Instinctive centered people who are often preoccupied with diet and cooking. 

Ive always been one to chose my words carefully where it stops the flow of conversation unless I'm on a rant or inspired download. The element of being slow speaker is a very dominant trait with Intellectually centered types. This is going to miff a percentage reading this because I'm going to declare that pure true thinking is slow. Way slower than the reactivity of strong emotion or really any emotion. When a baseball pitcher catches a batted baseball that would have hit his face is an example of the speed of the instinctive center which is even quicker than the emotional center. Perhaps I've lept up out of my grave and I'm a balanced person. From what I gather though even after reaching the station of balanced human, one of the centers will still be slightly dominant. So I've gone full circle in typing my center of gravity.

This is really practical in regards to self observation, Inquiry, and work on oneself. Nobody can do it for you. You have to have enough interest to be self motivated in learning the system good enough to see if it applies to making sense of things in your life. Requires some effort.

True thinking is a very slow process opposed to  being witty which is represented by the Jack of diamonds or Formatory center of the mind which is also defined as the mechanical part of the Intellectual center.

                            Queen of diamonds is represents the emotional part of the Intellectual center. She represents the center of gravity ruled by an emotional love of ideas.

King of diamonds represents the Intellectual part of Intellectual center which involves the capacity in always being able to direct one's attention.

 

Self Love means self acceptance and not identifying with thoughts or emotions. We experience the thinking and the feeling of them but we don't identify and take them as who we are. Self Love requires absorbing the small self in integration and separation from the superego (individuating).  

 

Edited by Zigzag Idiot

"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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46 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Ive always been one to chose my words carefully where it stops the flow of conversation unless I'm on a rant or inspired download. The element of being slow speaker is a very dominant trait with Intellectually centered types. This is going to miff a percentage reading this because I'm going to declare that pure true thinking is slow. Way slower than the reactivity of strong emotion or really any emotion. When a baseball pitcher catches a batted baseball that would have hit his face is an example of the speed of the instinctive center which is even quicker than the emotional center. Perhaps I've lept up out of my grave and I'm a balanced person. From what I gather though even after reaching the station of balanced human, one of the centers will still be slightly dominant. So I've gone full circle in typing my center of gravity.

I agree with you, but I often phrase it differently. Instead of speed, I usually think in terms of stacks, or priority of processing.
From my observations, the order of processing is as follows:

  1. Sensing (the source of stimuli)
  2. Feeling
  3. Intuition
  4. Thinking

When a stimulus occurs and one of the centers is "responsible" for handling it, then it is not passed down, or registered, by next levels.

I'm leaving this random remark because I remember one of our conversations about it.

Edited by tsuki

Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2

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@tsuki  Interesting,,,, I'm going to ponder on that.

 

@Leo Gura  Can I put $35.00 in the tip jar to get Wasem access to the booklist?

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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From the Sufi Tradition

The Presence of Pure Joy and Delight

So, for example, activating the Yellow Latifa opens up one of the faculties of the heart, which is to wish, want, or long for what it misses. The wish is for what the soul, or its heart naturally and spontaneously loves. The Yellow latifa is the presence of pure joy and delight, but it also causes the soul to become curious and activates its sacred impulse of true and innocent wanting. This means that the greater and deeper that the realization of the Yellow Latifa, the deeper the truth one's heart loves and wants to behold. 

ISpacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 256

 

The Lataif are a Dimension of Essence

The lataif, as Shah says, are not only centers but also forms of consciousness, operating on the subtle dimension. These forms of consciousness when understood precisely, will be seen as a dimension of essence, a subtle form of substance. They comprise the subtle body (Jism latif). They are the beginning experience of essence in some of its basic aspects. For instance, the green latifa is the beginning of compassion, or the loving kindness aspect of essence. The red latifa is the beginning of the strength aspect of essence, and so on. They are called lataif, meaning qualities that have subtlety, gentleness, and refinement to them, and are the first subtle and fine manifestation of essence. To use an analogy: if essence is like the oil of a perfume, the lataif will be its aromas. A latifa is like the vapor of the oil, which, in turn, is the essential substance. So the lataif are forms of essence that is a fine, very subtle, and gentle presence that pervades space. It is so fine and so subtle that it is very likely that an individual will fail to discriminate it from space, the void. Of course, as each latifa is activated, it will bring out with it to consciousness a certain sector of the personality, which must be confronted and understood objectively. The experience of the void does not indicate that the work on the personality has ended, definitely not. It heralds the beginning of essential development.

Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 143

 

More about the Lataif can be found here https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/lataif

 

 

 


 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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Arnold Keyserling's teaching on palmistry came out of an obscure Chinese text if I remember right. In describing the potentials represented in the lines of the hands he Called the left hand, the moon hand and the right hand, the Sun hand.

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If your "awareness" line in the moon hand is like mine, which runs up in between the index finger and the middle finger, he says this indicates someone who has a hard-on for spiritual development. This is a picture of my moon hand which I marked with a red dot.

Did you realize the lines of your hands change?  Observe them over time and see for yourself.

Its a fascinating study. Triangles represent gifts and squares indicates difficulties.

http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/energy/

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I've had just one brief instance of a lucid dream. The effect it had on me was very powerful. This was twenty years ago. I've kept a dream journal off and on over the years. Doing this always results in an increase of dreams and dream recall. I've had a few dreams which were super vivid but they were not lucid dreams. 

I have one paranormal symptom that developed a couple of years ago. I hear a chorus of crickets that varies in volume. When I do Centering Prayer meditation, the sound of crickets will often grow louder in association with states of objectless awareness. At the same time, I'll feel an increase in pressure or slight throb in my prefrontal lobes. At about one year after beginning Centering Prayer meditation this Cricket sound appeared along with an inner seeing which happened during one particular meditation. It was not a pleasant thing I saw.

There is a correlation though in my experience between the third eye opening, objectless awareness and hearing the Crickets.

http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

 

 

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I didn't want to overload the music thread. But my binge watching of Pink videos continues.

 

Pink is a good example of psychological integration and individuation. She's a great dancer and fun to watch.

She also has the capacity for role playing.

 

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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No worries. I've always done that at times,,,,

 

 

 

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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I pretty much tuned out most country music years ago.

I think I understand why some men are compulsively drawn to cross dressing and sissy role play.

I feel that I've always been naturally yin/yang integrated for the most part and don't feel drawn to this particular fetish.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-gender_acting

 

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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Singer/musician Pink and I are about the same mixture of essence types, heavily influenced by the adrenal glands and represented by Mars. I have more Solar quality than she does. Solars are archetypal airheads.

Dark eyed, dark headed Venusians like Ally Sheedy are closer to my maximum attraction as it's referred to in this typology. I was 17 in 1985 when The Breakfast Club movie came out. I had a complete lovesick crush on Ally Sheedy back then. It was an active year for me. In addition to ordinary things like car wrecks and water skiing, I passed the written examination for my private pilots license. Solo-ed a Cessna 150 and completed a couple of short cross country solo's. Got out of high school an hour early as part of a school work program to go work at the Sawmill. Fed cattle, hauled hay and had numerous ranch chores. Had two of the best sex partners of my life. (Not at the same time) One was a blonde mars/jovial essence type girl with big boobs and the other was a true maximum attraction Venusian type. I didn't have a clue about reality,,, There is a long list of activities for that year while staying either continually drunk or on methamphetamines, sometimes intravenously.

Less than two years later, I didn't know whether to shit or wind my watch,,, as the saying goes.

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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To avoid editing, I lately add the following for sincere interested seekers.

Midway down the page are related links.

https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/alphabetical?alphabet=5

Also Google - maximum attraction Enneatypes - for independent research.

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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Reflecting on Ken Wilber's Kosmic Consciousness audio set this morning brought to mind the movie The Minority Report. Mostly because he referred to this movie in the interview which aroused my curiosity to see it. Which I did and thoroughly enjoyed it.

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

In regards to negative emotion, sometimes I eat the bear but then sometimes the bear eats me.

Muarice Nicoll - 

INNER SEPERATION AND SELF-OBSERVATION

“In all self-observation, if it is to become full self-observation, you must observe IT. That is, you must see all your reactions to life and circumstances as IT in you and not as ‘I.’ . . . The instrument of self- observation is like a knife that cuts us away from what is not us. If you begin to see what it means to say: ‘This is not I,’ then you begin to use this instrument. When you can really say: ‘What is IT doing?’ instead of ‘What am I doing?’ you begin to understand the Work.” V. 1, p. 216-7 

UNCRITICAL SELF-OBSERVATION

“Remember that it is said that self-observation must be uncritical. You do not observe yourself in order to criticize yourself. If you do so it will at once stop self-observation and lead to internal considering. . . . In self-observation we do not try to analyze—i.e. find the causes and origins of different ‘I’s in us—but seek only to become conscious of them.” V. 2, p. 560, 571

UNCRITICAL II

“The Observing ‘I’ in the sense of the Work does not take sides with anything. It merely records what you are doing, what you are saying, at different moments, through the action of different ‘I’s, and does not say that this is better or this is worse. Observing ‘I’ is not shocked by anything. It is not a kind of Grandmamma or Grandpapa in you, but is quite pure and simple...It will have its own uncritical, gentle memory of all the different sides of you... We have to acknowledge and accept all sides of ourselves, because only through the acknowl- edgement, the acceptance, the consciousness of all sides of ourselves can we advance at all.” V. 2, p. 722, 724

THE VALUE OF SELF-OBSERVATION III

“Self-Observation clears a space in your mind so that you can see things coming in and going out. If the energy which was about to go into a negative emotion is prevented from doing so, it may pass on and may create a moment of Self-Remembering. All this means that you have brought the Work up to the point of incoming impressions.” V. 1, p. 199 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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Through inner separation and self observation, as Ocke de Boer articulates- This is a process of -it- in a state of becoming I. This only can happen if we observe ourselves in states of identification. Our mechanicalness and identifications makes us unguided projectiles. In spitual seepThe Automaton with the ego is just an unguided golum


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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8 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

Hmm, curious. I haven't listened to that book yet, I'll have to add it to my list! I remember watching that movie as a kid but I don't remember how it goes. I want to see it now.

The new moon was absolutely CRAZY for me. So many synchronicities with so many people. I was absolutely drenched in Love to the point where it was quite debilitating. Ken Wilbers work was woven throughout that fiasco so I'm interested in delving further.

I've observred periods in life where the new moon brought out crazy phenomena at times as opposed to the full moon. That quote - " The one eyed man is king in the land of the blind" is a quote from The Minority report. 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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                   Caution for those who are sensitive to witnessing violence

I feel depressed in the idea of being born in times where there were no cheetos or air conditioning,,,,

I need to watch The Last Samurai. I've never seen it.


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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47 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

I need to watch The Last Samurai. I've never seen it.

You really do. It's an awesome movie.


Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2

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I feel like a fresh scrubbed baby.

A baby just set out of the tub onto dry blankets and it's just sitting up and taking a look around.

This was the mixture done twice in a 4 day period.

Natural Mystical Ayahuasca Analog Capsules with 5MeODMT

#1 Capsule 200mg  Harmala/Harmaline (MAO-I)

#2 Capsule 100mg  Cumala Extract from Virola Theiodora with 8% 5MeODMT (8mg

5MeoDMT) + BetaCarbolines

#3 Capsule 100mg  DMT Fumarate

I had psychonaut partner with me on the second trip. The first trip was just a trial run I guess. My fellow voyager did a lot of puking while reassuring me, ,,,"yeah I'm ok." This is a person not put off by a little bit of vomiting but I lost count of the times they threw up. I fed them a fresh cooked hamburger patty at the end of the day. They seemed ok but somewhat subdued. They're still recovering. I'm optimistic about their Psychological feedback after they process for another day or so. I felt some nausea both trips. If I had been unable to burp a lot and fart a little, I probably would have thrown up some too. But I didn't,,,. After crossing the rough waters everything was wonderful. If only I had had an audio recording going. (Just joking) Especially when I closed my eyes. Some rarefied downloading and testifying took place,,,,,, for sure.

Everthing all better now. ?

 

 


"To have a free mind is to be a universal heretic." - A.H. Almaas

"We have to bless the living crap out of everyone." - Matt Kahn

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