youngshinzen

Huge pressure after meeting a girl

10 posts in this topic

A few days ago, I met with a girl and we mostly talked, but also hugged for quite a long time inbetween, which felt nice. When I left I tried to observe what I feel and it was this nice, respectful, friendly and loving emotion, but nothing deep.

While on the train a few minutes later I recognized an emotion that told me, I‘m already afraid of losing her. The next few days she was increasingly on my mind and I started thinking about a future with her. This lead to intense pressure and self-doubt.

Before and while I met with her I was really content with being single, I didn‘t aim for anything more than that. So where do these thoughts of needing her in my life come from? Why is she such a strong mirror? And how can I use this mirror effectively without it destroying me? 

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I feel you, Im in the same boat right now.

The thing is, you thought you were really content with your single life before. But you most likely werent. Otherwise this couldnt happen. Its like saying "Im ok with being poor", and then you live like a king for a week with yacht & champagner and go back to being poor. Suddenly its not so ok anymore.

Be happy she is there to remind you that there is still some work for you to do. Because as long as you cant accept everything you are still a slave. Not really free. This is a great opportunity for you to get better at "letting go". Everyone has different triggers.

Hit me up on skype if you like to chat about this.

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20 hours ago, youngshinzen said:

@aurum How do you practice self-love?

It’s in the spiritual work. Self-love is your connection to God.

God is unconditional love. The more you tap into that perspective, the more it becomes impossible to hate anything about yourself. Nothing about you could be wrong, there are no mistakes.

And you’ll also start to feel the same way about other people, because any hate for another is just a projection of your self-hate.


 

 

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You're starting to like her. Completely normal, it happens to everyone. Ask her out if that's what you'd like; the outcome doesn't matter too much, it's more important that you act authentically, accepting how you feel and what you want (while being mature and respectful of however she feels).

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Being emotionally attached to a girl is never a good idea. She will either be turned off by it or she will take advantage of you. You can reduce your attachment by spending less time on her. Absence makes the heart grow colder. And meet other girls too.


Black is white. Down is up. Bad is good. -Eric Tarpall

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@youngshinzen It means you don't have enough intimacy and options with girls. 

Become a man with options, that has sex regularly with different girls or a great partner and you will never feel like this again. 


”Unaccompanied by positive action, rest may only depress you.” -- George Leonard

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