The battle between heart and the self (fear)

[Charlotte]

All done, packed and done. Meditation then up at 4am 

[Shin]

Try to enjoy

«it»

??

Edited March 20, 2019 by Shin

[Charlotte]

@Shin

[Charlotte]

There has been a robin singing out the front of my window literally all night. I couldn't be more grateful if I tried. It's just so beautiful ❤️

[zambize]

3 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

There has been a robin singing out the front of my window literally all night. I couldn't be more grateful if I tried. It's just so beautiful ❤️

Ahhh this is the kind of post I really appreciate <<<3333,  last time I got baited into thinking you posted something like this but you were just replying to that idiot shin

[Charlotte]

3 hours ago, zambize said:

that idiot shin

?

There is many many appreciative /grateful moments like this daily but if I was to post them all you'd get fed up of them 

[Charlotte]

This morning whilst getting ready for the airport I said to the universe (myself)  'Help me remain conscious and present throughout my journeys.'

I put it out there and left it. 

In the airport and I was walking through WHSMITH. Upon leaving I looked to my left and on the magazine rack was a magazine that read. 'MINDFULLNESS'. That was the only sign I needed. I honoured this and went and sat in a meditative posture and meditated for 17:00 minutes in the middle of the airport terminal around hundreds of people. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done but I already feel growth from just that one sitting. Wow.

[Shin]

3 hours ago, zambize said:

Ahhh this is the kind of post I really appreciate <<<3333,  last time I got baited into thinking you posted something like this but you were just replying to that idiot shin

Still not working ?

[Michael569]

2 hours ago, Charlotte said:

In the airport and I was walking through WHSMITH. Upon leaving I looked to my left and on the magazine rack was a magazine that read. 'MINDFULLNESS'. That was the only sign I needed. I honoured this and went and sat in a meditative posture and meditated for 17:00 minutes in the middle of the airport terminal around hundreds of people. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done but I already feel growth from just that one sitting. Wow.

Well done ! Did that at Stansted couple months ago but I was to shy to take the whole meditative posture so just calmly sat with eyes closed.  still...it is amazing how fast it calms down the stressed mind & body in the place where you can smell & taste the tension and anxiety just seeping from everyone. 

Edited March 21, 2019 by Michael569
wording

[Shin]

Sometimes I do this just to see the puzzled face of people.

They are like

«why the fuck isn't he checking his phone ?

Should I call 911 ?»

.?????

[Charlotte]

7 hours ago, Michael569 said:

where you can smell & taste the tension and anxiety just seeping from everyone.

Beautiful accurate metaphor there Michael. I'm going to use that in my creative writing if you don't mind? 

It is certainly amazing yeah. Upon opening my eyes I was shocked at how many people where staring at me.

[Charlotte]

@now is forever Thank you sweet! 

I know! I definitely have put around 7lb on since quitting nicotine but I'm honestly not that bothered. I'll lose it again. Plus I do have a bit of wiggle room with regards to weight. 

[Charlotte]

I'm baaaaaaaaack. 

Will catch up with everything this evening. So so good to be back ❤️

[zambize]

6 hours ago, Charlotte said:

I'm baaaaaaaaack. 

Will catch up with everything this evening. So so good to be back ❤️

Glad you're back <3  

[Charlotte]

@zambize thank you ❤️❤️

[Charlotte]

So where do I start. 

The trips theme (I don't like to call it a holiday because holiday has so many labels attached to it. It definitely was not a holiday)

So the theme was definitely Fear. 

I was on my own like 95% of the time. So I didn't talk much or communicate at all really. 

Day 1. Naivety

So when I arrived I had to go out and buy organic fruit and veggies for my stay. I asked the lady on reception and she said I would have to travel by metro to another part of the city. For some reason I had a fear of using another countries public transport. I always have done. Scared I was going to get lost or scared of the feeling of anxiety or something. 

Fuck it. 

I grabbed my map and head off to the metro station. Following Google maps on my phone to the metro station. 

Long story short, I did it. But whilst I was doing it I was observing the way the mind comes up with fear thought and literally projects it onto everything. And I mean everything. In the slightest way possible. This observation allows for freedom. So day 1 was a good start. 

Day 2. Explore Yourself.

I wasn't making any friend's, I wasn't talking. Nobody in the hostel was English. I could feel myself creating duality. 

Surrender Charlotte.

Let go. 

No... 

Really let it go. 

Close your eyes and grab hold of this feeling and let it go. 

Game changer mate. 

 

I set off walking. Didn't know where I was going but I planned on exploring the city a little. I walked and walked and walked and the one thing I did notice was the mind likes to have an end goal when going anywhere, likes to know where it is going and what to exactly, for comfort and security (fear of getting lost coming up again). If it didn't have this it would go ballistic. So I just walked without anywhere in mind. 

 

 

 

I spent the majority of the day just walking and observing the place. I eventually landed at the beach and I plonked myself down and just bathed. An Asian lady was going around offering shoulder massages for €5 so I totally got one 

Sat on the beach having a shoulder massage under the sun. Wow 

 

That night the hostel took us for a trip up to a place called the bunker where you can see all of Barcelona. I used this time to meditate here.

 

 

Day 3. Unbelievable'ness

I didn't have long here so I wanted to do as much as possible. On this day I really fancied a hike. I was looking and asking around the hostel for recommended hikes. They recommended this mountain called Montserrat. I started looking for day tours again because I really wanted to do this but then I realised I could go and do this by myself. I didn't need a tour or tour guide. Again, this was the comfort fear monster at play. So I got up really early and set off. 

 

I made my way to Barcelona central station, found the train to Montserrat. Bought a cable car and train ticket and set off on the train. 

I arrived and cued up for the cable car that takes you to the top. Again, observing comfort zone monster. 

Once at the top (4055 ft) my plan was to hike back down. 

...

[Charlotte]

So once I got to the top I went to the information centre and she gave me a map and a shitty route to follow. I was nervous but so fucking excited. 

I set off hiking down the peak and I was so happy like I can't even begin to put it into words how grateful and loved I felt. I say loved because it's literally how I felt. I felt as if something was loving me to death. I was completely content. I started crying with joyfulness. Walking and crying 

I stopped and took a picture of that view ☝️ and I just couldn't believe how fucking lucky I was. You know if you have a dream and you actually realise in that precise moment you're actually living out that dream. That's what this moment was. 

At point's of the hike it was scary because I was slipping and at other points it was heavenly. It was like life in a way. 

I will never forget that day for as long as I live.

I made my way there and ACTUALLY hiked back down on my own and made it back to the hostel in one piece. (I also did get briefly lost at the bottom ?)

That peak felt like some kind of turning point. Not even a turning point but a realisation of how far I have come. 

I have spent my entire life stood besides somebody. Wether it be a partner or my mum or dad. I've always had somebody there to hold my hand or to lean on or to even tell me everything will be okay. But that day I realised we need nobody, I needed nobody, I love my family and I appreciate them deeply but that day the umbilical cord had been truly severed. 

 

The Next Couple of Days consisted of pure fun. Something I felt I hadn't had since arriving. When I say fun, I don't mean it in the literal terms. I mean it in relation to not being a prisoner of the mind. That's what it felt like... I could have fun. I could play with life, I could do what I wanted...

 

Day 5 Leave it behind

 I decided to go on a day tour for my second to last day to Girona and Costa brava. Girona was stunning. 

 

(Will continue...)

[Michael569]

Lovely, thanks for sharing Charlotte ! Also hiked Monseratt few years ago and it was the best part of Barcelona for us  . Seems like you had a great time

[Zigzag Idiot]

@Charlotte I echo what@Michael569 and @Marc Schinkel say.

Great pictures,,,,

[Charlotte]

@Michael569 Yes it was definitely the best part for me also. So beautiful up there isn't it! 

@Marc Schinkel Thank you! I certainly did. 

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks brodude! 

@now is forever I take 3 t-shirts, 2 vest tops and 2 pairs of shorts and wash them if needed. Carrying light is compulsory on these short trips. I hope you do get to travel ? oh I certainly will lovely thank you ❤️