The Dark Knight Rises

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame Many thanks for reading!

[Gladius]

Lots of emotions coming up these days. Still in the same position as I posted last time.

In the middle of this turmoil, there will be some crucial events. I'm pitching my project twice and I'm submitting the final draft to the school. Besides, I'm still visiting this therapist every other week, and reading "The Tao of Fully feeling". This book is opening me up so much that it leaves me literally exhausted. I'm sleeping a lot.

Furthermore, I can't exercise as I usually like to do it. I came back from the surfing camp with my ribs injured, and that needs several weeks of complete rest to heal properly. Actually, this could be a good analogy of what's going on on a emotional level.

I noticed I'm quite alone (not lonely) lately. I need to acknowledge I'm going through some rough days. Probably I'm not so much fun to be around at the moment. That's ok. Still confident about the future though, for some reason.

My intention is to keep it simple, being nice to myself and letting feelings do their thing.

Have a nice day!

[studentofthegame]

Your feelings, sleeping a lot and spending time alone all sound like a healthy part of the process. I am in a similar phase. Trying to process a lot of old traumas. 

You mention being nice to yourself and this is important while we are going through this type of work. Sometimes an act of self-care such as watching a good film or doing something fun is as important as anything else.

Inspirational post as always, looking forward to reading more. Cheers

[Gladius]

One of my main struggles during last months is whether I should quit my job or not. 

Every time there is big workload, stress takes over and a little voice inside my head urges me to quit. Then, for a few hours I become truly determined to give notice to my boss to quit the job, take some time off, and look for something else I might like better. However, the next morning I usually feel calmer. Another part of me tells me it's not that bad, I have a good income and enough free time for my personal projects. Besides, I already quit jobs in the past and it didn't work well. I promised myself I would endure in this job until I found something else. So I arrive to an agreement with myself to keep combining job and personal projects. Until the next stressful day arrives, and I'm back to the loop.

My hopes are in the next weeks some alternative will actually come true. If not, I'll start applying to other jobs.

In the acting course I took last week I was told I'm totally disconnected from emotions. Little do they know I'm reading "The Tao of fully feeling" to solve that. I'm completely mental. I'm not using my impulse anymore.

I only hope the damage is not permanent.

Meanwhile, I'm still visiting the therapist, reading Pete Walker and taking it easy. Healing is a slow and painful process, but it is taking place. And I'm proud of that.

Have a nice day.

[studentofthegame]

You are right. It's a slow and painful road we are on but that's where the growth is. Keep it going 

[Gladius]

Giving myself permission has been key in my recovery. Permission to make mistakes, to speak up, to say no or to be unproductive without feeling bad.

These last months I have smoked, which I never did before. I also tried some drugs, like MDMA. I'd say that was quite a therapeutical experience. You can feel love all around and get a sense of what it must be to be totally healed. 

However, I'm aware of the secondary effects of this consumption. As a way of self-parenting, I'm going back to set some healthy rules to my inner kid. Therefore, I'm not going to spend any more money in tobacco, or any kind of recreational drugs. I want to live a long and prosper live and there's no room for that stuff.

Alcohol is so deeply rooted in this culture it's not gonna be easy to give up. I only drink it socially but still I'll try to keep it to a minimum. I had a bachelor's party yesterday and wouldn't been able to keep the party going with a little bit of booze.

By the way, we booked a virtual reality experience for this party and it did blew my mind. Really recommended if you wanna test how your brain believes anything you feed him with.

Have a nice day.

 

[Gladius]

In the middle of this "recovery" process, I almost forgot I started this as a solution-oriented journal. 

In one week there is this final pitch at the academy. This will be my top priority these days. Rehearsing and taking care of myself will be key. I'm gonna say NO to everything that bothers me in some way to reach the date in peak shape.

Afterwards, I'll review goals.

Have a nice day. 

[studentofthegame]

Good work man. You seem to have a healthy self awareness, which means going off-course from time to time won't be a disaster and you'll always get yourself back on the saddle.

What is the acadamy? Good luck with the pitch, and i'm looking forward to hearing about these goals in due course.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame Thanks dude! Yeah, I'm glad to be in this forum to keep me on track. I took a screenwriting course last year, and we're on the final stage these weeks. I'll keep posting about it for sure, it's my priority at the moment.

Edited October 10, 2019 by Gladius

[Gladius]

Short update: The plan is still on.

The pitching event has been delayed until Monday. Next week I'm off from work, so it will be an appropriate time to sit and decide on next goals.

Have a nice day.

[studentofthegame]

@Gladius a week off can be a great opportunity to get some stuff done and some plans in place. Will be interesting to see what comes of it. 

[Gladius]

My plan for this week is mainly to go back to the dating scene. I'm texting with two different girls I expect to meet soon.

One of them, we met 2 weeks ago. I was invited by a friend of him at her birthday party. I sensed some chemistry, and after much alcohol, we ended up making out. 

The other girl, I met her online a few days ago. 

I'm already feeling kinda guilty to do this. I'm not sure how wrong is it for me or for them. However, I'm trying to not overthink stuff, so I'll just jump into it.

I'll come back with some set of "suggested rules" regarding health.

Have a nice day

[Gladius]

The pitch was held a week ago. It looks like the audience liked it, but none of us have feedback from our project. This has been my main goal for the last year. It's time to move on, regardless of the results of the course.

Job: Proactive daily search on job portals. 

Dating life: Hanging out with the girl I met a couple weeks before. Being open-minded about it.

Health: Decreased carbohydrates intake, and feeling good. Exercising 3 or 4 times a week. Therapist suggested to keep support sessions once every 3 weeks. Good vibrations. 

Have a nice day.

[Gladius]

No news, still here. Keeping same goals: 

- Looking for a creative job, regardless of the money. 

- Dating life: Met again with this girl. We're slowly getting to know each other. That's fine for me, I'm not overthinking about this. 

- Health: Trying to keep up. I barely exercised during last weeks. In my free time, tiredness and stress have taken over. 

That's life.

Have a nice day.

[studentofthegame]

All worthwhile goals mate.

I can imagine a creative job is very rewarding.

Steadily getting to know someone is a great way to build foundations, set healthy boundaries and do things right. Hope that continues to develop.

Christmas is looming, so i can imagine we will have our challenges with healthy eating, working out etc.

Looking forwards to seeing how things progress.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame Thank you my friend, I won't be too hard on myself but after new year's eve I'll review goals for sure.

[Gladius]

Here we go, one more Thursday here.

My goal of interning for a creative job has not been accomplished (yet). These last weeks, I've been a bit confused, chasing jobs and women with barely any order or purpose. And, spoiler alert, the results are not good. It's been exhausting.

For the rest of the year I'm gonna focus on taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. That's probably a bigger challenge than any external goals I could set.

Physically: Back to the gym, at least 3 times a week. Getting in touch with gym colleagues to train together. Trying to keep a routine despite shift changes. Definitely quit smoking. Keeping healthy diet.

Mentally: Decreasing TV and screen time. Observing thoughts. Not rushing. 

Emotionally: Being selective about my social life. Setting boundaries with people who leaves me emotional hangovers after meeting. Connecting with family and friends who matter. 

That's it. I'm not forgetting my purpose of writing creatively somehow, but I need to rest a little bit, at least until Christmas. Next year we'll review that.

Have a nice day!

[studentofthegame]

Keep it going.

The jobs, women and the external that you talk of often arrive as a byproduct of the self-care that you are focusing on. If it seems counter intuitive, think of it from the employer or potential girlfriends point of view... be the person who would attract these people... i.e. a potential girlfriend will have a sense that you are healthy and grounded and congruent through your self care habits. 

And i say this as a reminder to myself, as my self-care habits and boundary setting has slipped and it's time to get back on the horse. It's the foundation of everything we want to accomplish.

Thanks for letting me drop by ?

 

 

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame That's exactly the point, in better words than the ones I used. Thank you, sir, your feedback is always key. No pressure 

[Gladius]

Good vibrations these days. I got a call from a guy I met a couple years ago. Seems he remembered we had a passionate conversation back then and asked me to join a small creative project of his. We're still in stage 0 and it's going to be a long road, but I'm so happy about it whatever happens. Even though my goal in my last post was having no goals, I do need / want to take care of this. 

Otherwise, same actions as stated: taking care of myself, putting the focus on the well-being of mind and body all the time.

Have a nice day.