Tearos

Ego Backlash in Romantic Love

3 posts in this topic

I'm currently experiencing some sort of heartbreak or lovesickness which has created a strong painful feeling within my body. Fortunately, I have come to a point in the level of meditation that I am not being a victim of the situation, but rather just experiencing it (and even kind of enjoying it) because I am working on falling in love with all kinds of feelings, regardless of the "pain" that emerges. So what this means is that I am not trying to dismiss these "negative" feelings, rather embracing them fully. Interestingly, I also found that what does not really hurt that much is not being able to be with the person I am fond of, however, the feelings react to the thoughts produced by my low level of self-love, or bad self-esteem - which contains "someone" telling me I'm worthless, etc.

However, I have been questioning the ramifications of the event in which caused this emotional reaction.
Do any of you have an idea about the "science" behind the reaction?
My current theory is that I strongly react to the event because I have identified with a lot of ideas and feelings (by the way, in a very short amount of time), therefore not being able to be with this person creates an Ego backlash within me. A more detailed description, example-wise, could be that the person made me forget all the self-destructive thoughts about myself because I was submerged in the beauty of her whole existence, once we spent time together. However, I have always have had bad self-esteem, telling me that I am not good enough for anyone and that no one wants me. Therefore, once we are split up (which didn't really have anything to do with her not thinking I was good enough) made me experience thoughts about she not thinking I am not good enough, promoting suicidal tendencies.

IF YOU WANT TO SAVE TIME AND SKIP THE BACKGROUND STORY ABOVE AND MOVE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT:
A more direct question would be:
Do you think that heartbreak is just an Ego backlash?

I am curious to try out other theories, so please leave a comment to help me understand myself.

Tearos/Fred

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@Tearos a heartbreak is a rare chance for us to understand the difference between Love and attachment.

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unborn Truth

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