Im suffering like a motherfucker

[Shin]

10 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@aurum I dont know. I hope. I'm at this hardcore for over 2 years and my main motivation is that I suck with girls.

Now this situation once again went bad in really the worst way. Really the worst. This morning I thought about how things with this girl could have ended more hurtful and I couldnt come up with something. If showed me how this is how its going to turn out I would have said its a script from a cheesy romantic comedy.

Its like this ridiculous movie stuff happens to me constantly. But always the bad stuff. Why cant something ridiculous like a girl approaching me on the street happen just once? Of course its ridiculous to expect that but all the bad ridiculous stuff happens constantly too.

I'm really afraid that this is it. I'm afraid I'm throwing in the towel with this self help stuff after this and give in to my depression fully.

Do you constantly think that bad stuff about women will happen to you ?

[MM1988]

@Shin actually not, I'm quite optimistic everytime. On every new opportunity I wave away my past as a string of bad luck and think now its going to be different. But it always ends in a way where I dont make progress and suffer immensely. I mean I havent even kissed a women yet despite numerous tries, no sign of interrest from a girl ever yet. Its driving me mad.

I often feel like a different species, like something essential is missing that attracts girls sexually to a guy.

[Shin]

9 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@Shin actually not, I'm quite optimistic everytime. On every new opportunity I wave away my past as a string of bad luck and think now its going to be different. But it always ends in a way where I dont make progress and suffer immensely. I mean I havent even kissed a women yet despite numerous tries, no sign of interrest from a girl ever yet. Its driving me mad.

I often feel like a different species, like something essential is missing that attracts girls sexually to a guy.

I mean when you're alone and think about girls and your past/luck with them, not when you have one in front of you.

[MM1988]

@Shin yeah of course it pops into my mind every day. Wanting to figure out whats wrong with me. I try to control these thoughts as good as possible but they just pop into my awareness all the time. I feel like I'm going mad, this shit is going on for years now. I just want something to snap in my brain finally I cant go on like this.

 

Its just a prediction my brain calculates by analyzing the past in the background all the time. Its making me feel bad so I get my ass up and do something, and I do, I really really try to get better but its just an endless circle.

Edited November 12, 2018 by MM1988

[Shin]

10 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@Shin yeah of course it pops into my mind every day. Wanting to figure out whats wrong with me. I try to control these thoughts as good as possible but they just pop into my awareness all the time. I feel like I'm going mad, this shit is going on for years now. I just want something to snap in my brain finally I cant go on like this.

 

Its just a prediction my brain calculates by analyzing the past in the background all the time. Its making me feel bad so I get my ass up and do something, and I do, I really really try to get better but its just an endless circle.

That's your problem right there.

What you constantly thinks will stay in your subconscious, and you will brings situations and people to you that confirm those thoughts.

[MM1988]

@Shin I'm not thinking it on purpose. I try to dismiss these thoughts, not letting them get out of hand and thats all I can do in the end. But can you control what pops in your head all the time?

[Shin]

3 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@Shin I'm not thinking it on purpose. I try to dismiss these thoughts, not letting them get out of hand and thats all I can do in the end. But can you control what pops in your head all the time?

No you can't control what pops in your head, but: 

«I try to dismiss these thoughts»

That is what make them stay.

It's the same principle with emotions, what you reject, you attract.

You need to let the thoughts be there in your mind,

While being conscious of them,

That will actually dismiss them for good in time.

 

The only way I know to do that is to meditate a lot, and to force yourself to be mindful all day.

 

 

[aurum]

14 hours ago, MM1988 said:

I'm really afraid that this is it. I'm afraid I'm throwing in the towel with this self help stuff after this and give in to my depression fully.

You're free to do that if you want, maybe that's something you need to experience. I don't know.

But know that giving up your desires ultimately won't solve anything. You've been cursed with the awareness that things could be better.