Authenticity

[tsuki]

On 27.09.2018 at 11:53 AM, YaMayka said:

Anyway, what I was wondering is if not showing a part of who we are to other people is a lie? We all do it: showing only certain face to certain person because we think it will resonate best with her/him or we know that this person is not ready to know all about us - they are too closed minded or on another level than we are. Bah, we are often hiding stuff from ourselves - in that sense it is lying I guess, so is it also lying to other people? Most of the people I know have no clue about me. They are not bothered to know me and I am not bothered to make them know me. I often hide what I think - I don't explicitly lie but I don't speak out. Am I unauthentic?

@YaMayka Authenticity is not about being open 100% with other people and letting them know everything you think. That's naivety.
Authenticity is about being present to what you experience and reacting to that.
Inauthenticity on the other hand, is trying to reconcile your pre-conceived expectations, or past experiences with the present moment.

The road from the latter to the former does not lead through any path in particular, because if such path existed and could be explained, then it would be, by definition, inauthentic. It leads through realization that you cannot, in fact, ever be inauthentic. 
 

Edited October 26, 2018 by tsuki

[YaMayka]

@tsuki I am not saying I should reveal all my "secrets" to anybody and everybody but concealing a huge part of myself from my family out of fear of judgement I suppose is more like it.

Imagine a dancer who is feeling this amazing stuff inside but she can only dance that way when she is alone. When she is in a crowd she would just carefully choose her steps -enough to still feel something but not enough to represent her all beauty. Is she authentic?

[Nahm]

@YaMayka Alone, Truth; acceptance, actuality. People will walk up to you in a mall and ask if you are connecting to them with “your energy”. Authentisicm is the deepest fear, and the deepest desire, and can chop down mountains. So deep in fact, it isn’t actually a word. 

[tsuki]

@YaMayka Like I said: authenticity is not about your relationship to the public, but to the present moment.
Your dancer is just shy and authenticity, or lack thereof has little to do with it in my opinion.

[YaMayka]

It is my deepest desire - and my deepest fear. I think it requires a lot of courage. It does include self love to a high degree. Would be easier to start with a clean slate though

I don't think we quite agree @tsuki (or maybe I misunderstand you). I think you are referring to the yes/no in the present moment, what feels authentic to you at each moment (which I agree is also the case). But in this moment you may be clouded by some feelings, resistance etc. which make it difficult to stay authentic. Like my dancer - the shyness is the fear of being judged by others and it is blocking her to express her real self. If she was really authentic would she care about her image? About what other people say? She would just express herself the way she is.

[tsuki]

11 minutes ago, YaMayka said:

But in this moment you may be clouded by some feelings, resistance etc. which make it difficult to stay authentic.

@YaMayka Authenticity is not something you do. You are what authenticity does.
You cannot be inauthentic. Even if 'the current moment is clouded by feelings', it is clouded right now.
You cannot deviate from the present moment even if you are lost in thoughts about tomorrow, or about other people's reception of your dance.
There is no 'you' that is constant throughout the day. The dancer that dances alone is not the same dancer that is shy in the crowd.
They both do what they do because they are who they are now.

Edit: I realize that I sound as if I preached some truth to you, but I don't. I'm simply stating my experience.

Edited October 26, 2018 by tsuki

[Psyche_92]

56 minutes ago, YaMayka said:

sooner or later I will have to face it

Well, you don't have to, but you are on the path now. At the same time, truth is much more powerfull and you can't hold it back. Most people are totally clueless on this. You woke up to that now, which can't be turned around. There is no going back from it, you can only stagnate. The only thing is, everytime you are being inauthentic now, it has a bad taste.

Goodluck my friend.

[Elysian]

56 minutes ago, YaMayka said:

Being authentic would require revealing the part of me that is searching here, that believes in chakras and other non mainstream stuff. My partner is very orange and for him it's mambo jumbo BS. If I had no children I'd be willing to take risk more easily but my daughter loves me and her dad very very much and I want her to be happy. It would crush her world if something happened to the family.

Our children are like sponges, so I'd be careful on the behavior you exhibit by suppressing your nature around her. You will make yourself an example of how she should live her life. Speaking from experience, the wounds of the mother are passed down to the child. I'm still recovering from the generational trauma handed to me. At least you're aware of the issue, many never even get that far.

[YaMayka]

@tsuki And that's the beauty of the paradox. Because you are and you are not authentic in the same time. You are a picture of the present moment that you preferably love and accept but at the other hand there is movement to the future (which is also a present moment in a way) and the way you develop. You may accept the resistance and that way move on to be more authentic, not lying to yourself. But maybe I am too dual to have a proper perspective (You are not preaching, we are just having an interesting discussion :))

@Psyche_92 It seems that way - my inner compass changed a direction and the taste will be there - the picture of the present moment shifted

@Elysian I know - I am also struggling with my ancestral trauma and there was some! My mum has done her share but she still left a lot for me and now I need to do all I can for my daughter. And god knows it is a responsibility! I don't know if I had had the courage to have a child had I known how much. But here she is... In a way it would benefit her as well if I was more authentic and healed. I just need to know how to do it without disturbing her whole life....

[dude]

The moment you feel like you should tell somebody something but hold it back is the moment you break your authenticity. That is what I have experienced. The closer you get to people the more your should open up. Oversharing is a thing too, that is where social intelligence comes in. But telling your crush you like them, telling the people you live with you consume psychedelics sometimes, telling people you are close with what you do when nobody is around, these things should be told at some point in my opinion.

A great book recommendation is Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton. I made a video about it if you're interested.