How to spark true curiosity?

[Scholar]

After listening to so many of Leo's videos, and other enlightenment content, I feel like I already know the answer and it's so hard to ignore it when I am self-inquiring. It's like I am always trying to find that the answer is true, instead of being actually curious about my reality. I used to be very curious, before I knew Leo I spent hours and hours thinking about reality and what it is, I came to all sorts of conclusions like reality being necessarily unlimited and infinite, but I didn't know of spirituality back then and it was more of an intellectual exercise.

Now that I know how significant it is to inspect consciousness, I cannot do it because I already feel like I know the answer. Whenever I am self-inquiring I am trying to get rid of my self, because I already know that I am not what I think the self is. I am using the Neti-Neti method with a clear expectation of what will happen and it's just useless. It kills my curiosity.

 

The only times where I seem to get deep is when I question language, when I question the meaning of words until they make no sense anymore, and that is when I don't actually think about enlightenment at all, but I am actually curious. Though even that is being corrupted by the ideas I have, whenever I realize that I am getting onto something I immediately think of enlightenment and am like "Wow, this is it, this is how I will get to the truth!" and then it's all for nothing.

 

How do I get rid of all these ideas and concepts? Or how can I use these concepts to aid me on my inquiry instead of being road-blocked by them? 

I have this problem that I am only curious when I try to investigate matters on my own, when someone makes me question something about reality that I then have to figure out by myself. This is when I can actually inquire into the nature of things. Listening to teachings to me is almost like adding delusions to my conceptual framework. It's like spoiling a movie for me that I then don't care to watch anymore. I know that the experience of watching the movie is different from the information I was told, but that does not change the lack of curiosity and the inability to actually, consciously inspect the mind.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Scholar

[Forestluv]

I love to conceptualize and figure things out. The problem is, I can get attached to concepts.

One thing that helps me: even if I spent a lifetime learning and conceptualizing I will have only explored less than 0.000000000000000000001% of what's out there. Yet, I can focus on that minuscule 0.000000000000000000001% as if it is nearly 100%!

It's like finding a really cool pebble on the beach. It's great to admire it and appreciate it - yet I can get so fixated on it that it becomes my world and I lose awareness that the pebble is such a tiny part of what's out there on the beach and in the ocean. When I realize this, I can drop the pebble and move on (or put the pebble in my pocket and move on).

For me, a mindset of wonder and not knowing is different than a mindset of trying to figure it out and knowing. Each has there time and place, yet it's much easier for me to default to figure-it-out mode.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Scholar Psychedelics

[Scholar]

Just now, Sahil Pandit said:

@Scholar Psychedelics

I have no access to them.

[Rilles]

You dont know the answer. Start questioning and be honest with yourself that you dont know shit! Then youll become more curious. 

[Scholar]

1 minute ago, Rilles said:

You dont know the answer. Start questioning and be honest with yourself that you dont know shit! Then youll become more curious. 

The problem is I know that, but it doesn't help at all. I am not conscious that my ideas are delusional, and when I am I fall back to it as soon as I become more conscious of reality.