Since I have a girlfriend, the other girls...

[eleveneleven]

19 hours ago, cirkussmile said:

My current view on poly is that they are missing something or trying to supress emotions. I can’t put words to it but I can’t see how they focus on longterm. More consciousness seems to take away the need to have many girlfriends or boyfriends, but this is just an idea I have. 

It's really not that radical of a concept; it's just something you might not be used to. Look at it this way: You have more than one friend, right? And even if you had only one, your friend wouldn't get mad if you went out and made other friends, right? Having more than one friendship also doesn't mean that you're trying to make up for the flaws in the friendship that you have with your best friend. Every friendship is different.

Poly (at its best) is the same, just with romantic relationships. It's not that it's a problem to have more than one romantic relationship, I think, it's simply that people attach a lot of baggage to their romantic relationships, so of course they can't imagine being able to manage all of that baggage from multiple people.

For me, it's not that I "need" to have many girlfriends or boyfriends; it's just that if it happens, it happens. The same way that I don't go out at night with the intention of "making a friend." It just happens. Then it happens again with someone else.

I think you may be stuck in the mindset of the way most of society views romantic relationships, and then you're simply multiplying it. Most people view their relationship partner as fulfilling a "role" in their life, and they get really mad when the person doesn't stick to the script. Of course there's drama if you try to multiply that and add more people.

So in that case, then yes, I agree it can be an issue. There are people who are operating from this paradigm and then try to be poly and it just explodes it their faces. They were doing it for an ego trip, or because it's taboo, or because they were bored with their relationship and wanted to add another person to try to salvage some excitement. Those are all poor reasons to do it.

However, if you approach romantic relationships from a completely different angle--a complete mindset shift where you stop seeing your partner as playing some fixed role in your life--then it's totally possible to  be poly in a healthy way. Granted, it helps if you're not looking to build a household or anything like that, since usually people expect roles to be played in such cases.

Edited September 25, 2018 by eleveneleven

[Shadowraix]

@eleveneleven On point. I acknowledged myself as polyamorous because I realized that I only thought I could love one person deeply at a time because society told me thats how relationships work. I eventually had the realization that I am fully capable of loving multiple people. That prior I was holding some form of ownership and expectations from them.

I am currently in a monogamous relationship because I really do love my partner, but I am aware at some point feeling tied down to arbitrary rules will bite me in the ass.

Sexual ownership in my case came from my desire to feel important by being the only person she'd want.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Shadowraix

[Ayilton]

Just show this forum for her and ask what her opinion  ! 

Do it from a third person  ...as if it's not you  , it's a close friend  ! It's risky but it might be something to consider.  

You never know, she might support this hole thing and give you space to have sex here and then  ! Be subtle though 

[Shin]

1 hour ago, eleveneleven said:

It's really not that radical of a concept; it's just something you might not be used to. Look at it this way: You have more than one friend, right? And even if you had only one, your friend wouldn't get mad if you went out and made other friends, right? Having more than one friendship also doesn't mean that you're trying to make up for the flaws in the friendship that you have with your best friend. Every friendship is different.

Poly (at its best) is the same, just with romantic relationships. It's not that it's a problem to have more than one romantic relationship, I think, it's simply that people attach a lot of baggage to their romantic relationships, so of course they can't imagine being able to manage all of that baggage from multiple people.

For me, it's not that I "need" to have many girlfriends or boyfriends; it's just that if it happens, it happens. The same way that I don't go out at night with the intention of "making a friend." It just happens. Then it happens again with someone else.

I think you may be stuck in the mindset of the way most of society views romantic relationships, and then you're simply multiplying it. Most people view their relationship partner as fulfilling a "role" in their life, and they get really mad when the person doesn't stick to the script. Of course there's drama if you try to multiply that and add more people.

So in that case, then yes, I agree it can be an issue. There are people who are operating from this paradigm and then try to be poly and it just explodes it their faces. They were doing it for an ego trip, or because it's taboo, or because they were bored with their relationship and wanted to add another person to try to salvage some excitement. Those are all poor reasons to do it.

However, if you approach romantic relationships from a completely different angle--a complete mindset shift where you stop seeing your partner as playing some fixed role in your life--then it's totally possible to  be poly in a healthy way. Granted, it helps if you're not looking to build a household or anything like that, since usually people expect roles to be played in such cases.

This.

It can work if you want it, are healthy and can dedicate enough time to it.

Like you say, very few people can do it though, even if they legitimately desire it.

So no wonder this subject animate so much confusion, it depends on so many factors and conditions from multiple people ?