random jungle noise

[now is forever]

maybe as long as my shadow is in the washing machine i just go naked. i can’t tell over and over again how liberating that is. i really love that song.

 

[now is forever]

 

[now is forever]

today i realized why we obsess so much over attention and attention from others. how this is all a matter of deprivation and the wish to be selfaware - and how we wish to be accepted completely. the more difficult it is to accept oneself, the more we search for the acceptance of other - but even with selfacceptance it‘s not done as we still search for other and ultimately search for the other. and how it would not be anything without that search. because searching wants to be found.

[now is forever]

the thing about loose association is it’s really very close to schizophrenia and the boarders are liquid,  the thing is knowing when you overstep these boarders is extremely difficult - you see a person communicating something and don’t know what exactly it means if you are aware of the subliminal meaning of the said - this is after the categories of self have been conflated - it is either only provable by asking the person directly or by stopping to listen to the stuff that makes us confused. 

responsibility has something to do with response. and with the way we respond if someone is asking for clear water.

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

sometimes the most counterintuitive move can be quite liberating. it maybe is the most enlightening - as it shows you the boundaries  of a radical open mind.

[now is forever]

why do moths fly towards the light? it’s not about the why - it’s how they die trying. true light shines without the need to kill - i know this difference from direct experience in a person since my childhood. this experience is the one that makes the difference between what real enlightenment is and what not. there is one truth you certainly can’t speak about if you‘ve never seen it and you can not bend a spoon around it as the bending of the spoon is the illusion.

no spoon, no bending.

the spoon bends itself. 

if you can’t bend a spoon you can’t see how the spoon is bent and you can’t see the bender.

and the funny thing is you only know a spoon when you know it.

a good spoon is not exessevly bent.

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i did something really interesting this morning - ever tried? instead of standing up directly, went into a bridge pose. that’s maybe a little bit too much to start with backbending again but at least i won’t do that for anybody else anymore, but for myself.

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

https://www.apa.org/monitor/nov02/gomad.aspx

who plays with the devil plays with the devil.

as the devil bends the devil, only the non devil knows what’s devilry.

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this is completely without any message it’s just a mood song.

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

 

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

brainwash recovery

Edited December 7, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i like this thread - like i liked the grit thread

 

[now is forever]

today i started to call my cellphone a watch.

the question is: who is watching who and what and when and where. 

paranoid? no it’s really like having these mirror eyes.

it’s just that so much watching and mirroring diffuses the meaning of watch completely as if watch wouldn’t have any.

Edited December 9, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

this weekend was illuminating in many small ways - i found out some things about me and about me and the world.

i faced drug consumerism, parts of my past and my present on a party and through the awakening afterwards. i met some of the most important and most loved people of my life again and realized how arrogant i am even in loving them and how selfcentered i sometimes am in my expectations and behavior. but i realized i can accept them more without judging them (i thought i did before too) much more, i realized that i learned through this forum to understand different powers at work in them and me. hope i won’t loose that awareness too fast, so i think i still need to stick to this network here. one thing i understood very clear is another sponge quality of a mind, and how it is very difficult to ged rid of little information programmings from the outside. especially if you get triggered a lot. i realized how it is not so difficult anymore to not try to white paint everything that’s dark or need to paint it in a pretty color anymore but i also don’t need to paint it dark or leave it painted dark. in a way i can be white noise. it means i can accept suffering and even laugh with people about their own sarcasm instead of trying to tell them out of their suffering. a problem though is that i might still create suffering because i‘m still talking too much without thinking about the effect - or often even not noticing about the effect. just out of my perspective and still have to work on attention spans.

one phenomenon i realized was that the most intense friends the ones i love the most in my life are all unconsciously and „surprisingly“ very very consciously and some of them very virtuous influencers of it. i don’t know what came first in the most cases, love or influence. no matter how mutually my friends and i love us and in what reciprocity - we all have left visible or invisible, intentional or unintentional small wounds or blessings to each other in our memories - sometimes we have to reopen them, so they can heal.

so i think maybe a healer is different from a surgeon even though both are health practitioners - the difference is just that the surgeon needs to be invasive and sometimes that’s hurting because the „intimacy“ touched runns deeper.

Edited December 10, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

sometimes i wonder, what‘s the better concept: nothing to hide or trying to keep privacy.

i guess i’ve put emotional personal freedom/liberation equal to lemon juice. so brain is a concept.

if someone has seen it, i lost it somewhere around in the forum....

or maybe watching “cat” videos. and it’s kind of difficult to find it again. but maybe i also don’t need it anymore.

as it seems lost everywhere i look.

Edited December 11, 2018 by now is forever

[now is forever]

i find myself in this balancing act these days - between leaving the forum and the inability of letting go. as i think there is still so much to learn and see here. even though i interfere less and less with forum activities except for the journal. maybe it’s because i’m somehow thinking about projection and what projection really means. and i try to figure out what’s the difference between projection and being on a wavelength.

as i somehow think i’m more of a radio than i might be in reality.

Edited December 11, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

I find that honesty is central to wisdom.
How do you benefit from having privacy and how does it contradict having nothing to hide?

[now is forever]

10 minutes ago, tsuki said:

I find that honesty is central to wisdom.
How do you benefit from having privacy and how does it contradict having nothing to hide?

i am a matrioshka - that explains everything. it is not about hiding it is about protecting.

Edited December 11, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

@now is forever And you found the middle one?

[now is forever]

@tsuki i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t have it all along. it’s just more disoriented since it came here, as it never directly looked on how the other shells where constructed.

or do you think i would create such a metaphor for understanding myself if i would not understand myself?

Edited December 11, 2018 by now is forever