Athena

Offending people with words

10 posts in this topic

Life is funny it feels like I am just learning how to socialize at this age. I am realizing my words hurt people or considered inappropriate. I dont know how to stop this and it makes me stay in my head when talking. 

For example, I asked a neighbor if she reads and she got flustered and another neighbor told her she didnt have to answer. In my head I was just asking a question to see what kind of books she read and make conversation. The reaction felt like I was attacking her as if I was better than her by asking that question.

So little things like that, my intentions are pure but my words  come out harsh from what I hear. It has been mentioned that I'm forceful too. I think my facial expressions dont help either. 

Any pointers please? 

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8 minutes ago, Athena said:

Life is funny it feels like I am just learning how to socialize at this age. I am realizing my words hurt people or considered inappropriate. I dont know how to stop this and it makes me stay in my head when talking. 

For example, I asked a neighbor if she reads and she got flustered and another neighbor told her she didnt have to answer. In my head I was just asking a question to see what kind of books she read and make conversation. The reaction felt like I was attacking her as if I was better than her by asking that question.

So little things like that, my intentions are pure but my words  come out harsh from what I hear. It has been mentioned that I'm forceful too. I think my facial expressions dont help either. 

Any pointers please? 

How dare you ask a neighbour what she reads? How rude! ;) 

People are too sensitive these days. 

People here call me nazi and psychopath, if that's what they think of me, that's fine, why are people so upset all the time. 

I don't trust others opinions on myself, I don't even trust my own opinions on myself. :) 

If one can't ask a person what he/she reads, then we surely live in crazy times.. 

Edited by MarkusSweden

Isn't it so, yes or no? 

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@MarkusSwedenWell you actually helped in this scenario because I think I should have asked "what do you read? " instead of "do you read?" 

One comes off condescending.

Edited by Athena

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I was in Nashville, Tennessee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: 'Hey, whatcha readin' for?' Isn't that the weirdest fuckin' question you've ever heard? Not what am I reading, but what am I reading FOR? Well, goddamnit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well . . . hmmm...I dunno...I guess I read for a lot of reasons and the main one is so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress.

Bill Hicks


Dont look at me! Look inside!

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I have many years experience of battle of truth vs kindness. Sometimes i feel the truth is more important, other times i feel kindness.

Go with the flow, speak your heart. Meditation helps Observation skills and raising overall awareness.


B R E A T H E

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I don't think you can escape offending people in social interactions. The best thing to do is just accept yourself fully and develop your social skills.

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I guess the key is experience, if you stay in your head you wont know what offends and what doesnt

and i sense a fear of being judged, can it be the case?

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A lot of communication is beyond the words. Tone of voice, subtle facial expressions and body language factor in more than the words.

One could ask a question with genuine curiosity and a desire to connect with someone. One could ask the exact same question with condensation and a desire to be superior than another. 

I’ve found if I speak from my heart things tend to flow ok - even if I speak a bit awkwardly at times

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It’s all about context if you have a  factual disagreement and the next time you meet ask if she reads she can understandably be upset. 

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Thank you all. I know it's all me because I get this reaction from alot of people. 

Slowly but surely I will fix this. 

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