The master of the universe

[SaWaSaurus]

I've been experiencing some major ego backlash ever since the experience. Depressed mood, alcohol, oversleeping, skipping daily self-actualizing routines, too much video games. I'm aware of it now though. The ego wants to maintain homeostasis. I'm sure our pre-human ancestors benefited from this ego mechanism, whereas they'd find a way of life and just hunker down. I'm sure it was beneficial for their survival, but for us modern humans there is no need - our survival is taken care of for the most part. This monkey mind of ours is incredibly powerful I must say... for me to experience something so incredibly profound and freeing one day, and the next day be enslaved once again... outrageous.

Three weeks ago on a NN-DMT trip, I'd experienced something rather peculiar which wasn't present on other DMT trips. I experienced considerable discomfort as it felt like I was being crushed by g forces. I felt short of breath, but I muddled through to see where the trip would take me. It didn't go anywhere unexpected and I opened my eyes with an eerie sense of connectedness. I felt a profound sense of interconnectedness within the structure of reality. I felt like I was close to breaking through to some other dimension so I planned on smoking again some time. Three weeks later...

My body knew something I didn't. Fidgeting, increased heart rate, gulping, anxiety. I'd never been even close to this nervous for a trip. I was considering smoking some NN-DMT, which I've smoked maybe four times before. My previous four trips were rather uneventful, though profound in their own right. The shapes and patterns of course brilliant, but nothing even close to what my body knew was going to be a wild ride. Perhaps the last time my body felt like it was going to die, that's a definite possibility. I was genuinely perplexed by my nervousness. I was scared. Then I remembered something from Carlos Castaneda, "fear is the first enemy of a man of knowledge.". I knew how beneficial these psychedelic trips have been and so I had faith that the DMT spirit would grasp me gently. I smoked the substance despite my fear.

I heated my vape pen up with the DMT and inhaled, 1... 2... 3... 4... exhale. I took a second hit and exhaled as well, then fell back onto my bed and shut my eyes. The usual magnificent shapes and patterns and colors appeared instantly along with a very audible sound which I guess I'd describe as a consistently repeating low-tone error sound. This time there wasn't any lung crushing g force, and I'd seemed to have broken through almost instantly. What happened next was by a wide margin the most bizarre, profound, mesmerizing, incredible, miraculous, terrifying experience I'd ever had.

All the sudden my mental picture felt crystal clear, and the barrier between dream and reality dissolved. The whole world around me was collapsing. It was like a constant death and rebirth cycle. I was shocked, dumbfounded. My sense of self became quite unclear. It was like the universe was inverted, flipped inside out. As I walked around my room I felt as though I was outside of my body, merging with all of reality. I felt like I was dead, and that I'd always been dead, just dreaming, and I knew it all along but had forgotten. I was in a realm of other, not life and maybe not death, and this was a great shock to my ego. My ego would fight back to pull me out of this incredible dimension, but I probably experienced it off and on for a good 4 minutes. All is one, strange loops, infinity. This all made incredible sense at the time. I knew it to be true, although now I'm back to conceptualizing. It's like having amazing sex - you can remember back on it but your memory only serves as a conceptual placeholder for the real thing, and thus impossible to understand without direct experience. The experience ended and I was left in shambles from what was a monsoon to the soul. 

We know so little about the True nature of reality. Our egoic belief systems put a constant shade over the light of Truth. Still it's always there shining, we just need to know how to look. Our battles for Truth may be treacherous, but battle on, it's worth it, because I am the master of the universe, and so are you.

Edited July 23, 2018 by SaWaSaurus