judging people - the no.1 obstacle from entering Yellow

[Michael569]

While I am frequently aware of my judgements towards self and other, I can't seem to be able to drop them. The system thinking realisation has helped a lot but there is still so much of it left. 

What are some techniques, tips you have used in your life to either stop judging or letting go of it completely? 

[DocHoliday]

The best way is to completely put yourself in the position of the person you're judging or criticising. Really try to see the world from their pespective and how it makes totally good sense to them. You can still disagree with them of course, but see that their perspective is true and right for them - just as your perspective is obviously completely right and appropriate to you. What will result from this is that you will start to see more and more that you really aren't that differnt from anybody else, and because the more "others" are like ourselves the more we can understand, forgive or accept them for who they really are. 

[DocHoliday]

Yellow is predominantly characterised by going meta = going beyond one's own egoic perspective to perceive the world as it really is. And of course the best way to see the world for how it really is, is to gather as much perspectives as you can to draw insights from. Yellow practically never draws premature conclusions about anything because there could be always something that has been left out or hasn't been included. Yellow is more about analysing and broad/nuanced studying than drawing conclusions and acting hastily.

EDIT: it's like what they teach you if you want to be a good painter - 90% watching and obervation and only 10%painting (taking action). The "taking action"-part comes way way way at the end. Obviously that's a certain weakness to yellow because yellow can get lost in too much observation and never ever ending up taking action which is what stage orange's values of deciciveness and determination are there for. 

Edited July 18, 2018 by DocHoliday

[George Fil]

 

14 minutes ago, DocHoliday said:

The best way is to completely put yourself in the position of the person you're judging or criticising.

@DocHoliday This is tricky...  exactly because i was in this situation years ago, i completely understand that the person is probably Lazy and does not want to try at all

[Greenbirch]

If you can't relate to the perspective of the other, think what color they are. For example, blue: think of a time in your life when you were blue. Try to see that while the other person may be blue in a different way, the mechanism is still the same. You had to go through that stage, and so does this other person.

Also: try Metta meditation (loving-kindness). I haven't been doing it for long, but I am already seeing great results: compassion for myself and others, even people who annoy me, starts to emerge naturally. Great for counteracting judgment

[DocHoliday]

@George Fil Yes, of course the understanding of the other person is just the first proper step. Finding a working solution to problems and dilemmas is what comes next. That's obviously the part when you need to give a person what he needs to move on and get himself out of his particular problematic situation. Not what the person wants, but what he needs. And to properly determine what it is that he needs, the full and complete understanding of him and his situation is necessary. 

[Zweistein]

Byron Katie's "The Work" helped me tremendously catching judgemental thoughts and working through them. It's not easy to face all the emotions, but once you get used it, it gets easier with time.

[Michael569]

2 hours ago, DocHoliday said:

Really try to see the world from their pespective and how it makes totally good sense to them. You can still disagree with them of course, but see that their perspective is true and right for them - just as your perspective is obviously completely right and appropriate to you.

1

I will put more effort into doing this, thanks !

2 hours ago, Greenbirch said:

If you can't relate to the perspective of the other, think what color they are.

I do this often but I feel like I am just judging again more often than not. 

[molosku]

11 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

I am just judging

Who is it, who is the judger of judgements? This is a deep topic and it quickly goes to the realm of enlightenment. You are not the judge. Thoughts that contain a judgement arise in consciousness. What is the source of the judgements? Did you plan to have a judgement? If not, why feel bad about them? I'm not lecturing btw, just pointing this perspective out. 

I have felt great relief from this issue by becoming mindful not only of my judgements, but the immediate guilt that follows afterwards. And then noticing that I was not responsible for having that thought. Who is the I that is responsible?

When you grow, your mind naturally molds into a non-judgmental direction and you experience less judgmental thoughts. Shadow work is one of the best tools for this. The thing you judge, you don't accept in yourself. It's easy as that.

You can go beyond your guilt of judgement right now. 

Edited July 18, 2018 by molosku

[Salvijus]

Bow down to everyone in your mind.

[Leo Gura]

Psychedelic breakthroughs will do it

[SpyAquamarine]

My new mantra:

No better, no worse.

“I am no better and no worse than any other human being that has ever walked or will ever walk this planet; and no human being that has ever walked or will walk this planet is any better or worse than me,” 

[Key Elements]

Interesting topic. Think of ppl whose lifestyles and values you completely disagree with. Usually, the ppl who hold different lifestyles and values will not come out and tell you what's going on and why they chose to live that way. They have experience that you may strongly disagree with them. I'm not talking about criminals. I'm talking about harmless ppl with different lifestyles and values.

However, most of the time, most ppl, imo, do not understand what's going on in the other person's life. Ppl only know them on the surface level. They hear something, and they strongly disagree with it, and that's the end of the story. They don't make a connection on how it relates to their own life.

[blazed]

What do you mean by judgement through, this is complex, just seeing someone acting suspiciously on the street like a mugger and avoiding them is also a form of judgement, and it's a survival tool and awareness.

If you're talking about liking people, forget it, do not try to like people, Eckhart tolle says he moves away from difficult people on buses, rupert spira says you love everyone but that doesnt mean you need to like them. Sahdguru says he has no problem with you being negative but he won't stay next to you, so all these gurus are saying they have preferences, isn't that a form of judgement?

Would force yourself to eat and like marmite if you hate it? Is it important that you must like it?

So I think its normal to judge people in a given situation, but you shouldn't sit and dwelve on it for long peroids because: how does thinking about it make it better?

Just forget about it, and if you're stuck with seeing these people you judge then you have 3 options.

1.  Accept it, surrender to being with them and the difficulty.
2.  Change it, try to change them, yourself or the environment to make the situation better.
3.  Remove yourself from it, get away from them, and don't see them anymore.

Edited July 18, 2018 by blazed

[smd]

What are the reasons where you would need judgement?  It seems to me that it is a survival mechanism.  Of course, we have the Internet & constant bombardment of things to judge or be judged by, but there must be some other reasons for having it around.

For instance, if I was a young adult & my closest, newest, friend was a psychopath who wanted to go out & do as much damage as he can, with his friends.  Wouldn't it be my own judgement to tell me to avoid this man?   Obviously going along with it would lead to disaster.  Or what if he did it on his own & then told me all the gory details?  Wouldn't judgement tell me to report him to prevent further harm to others or maybe myself?

[dorg]

I think that judgement is seeing good/bad right/wrong, and that if we look closely it can be seen that we judge because there is fear that if we don't then something 'unwanted' may happen.

But isn't moving into teir2 about starting the move from fear to love... And it seems to me that we cannot measure the new consciousness by the old measures - that this actually prevents us moving into it...

Edited July 19, 2018 by dorg

[Joseph Maynor]

HOW TO SUSTAINABLY DEAL WITH THE ISSUE OF BEING OR NOT BEING JUDGMENTAL -- AND WEATHERING THE JUDGMENTS OF OTHERS AS WELL

You're never gonna completely become non-judgmental.  However, I think it's useful to become more aware of when you're being judgmental and why that often is not useful in contexts.  You'll watch yourself be judgmental, but there will be an understanding that will nip that in the bud when it happens, all the better if it happens before you get emotionally triggered.  There are three approaches to becoming less judgmental that I know about: Enlightenment, Conceptual Understanding, and Life Purpose, and I'll discuss those in turn.

The first is Enlightenment.  With Enlightenment, you surrender to BE-ing aka Existential Truth.  With Enlightenment you'll also have a heightened awareness of Ego -- not just your Ego but all Ego.  You'll see the Ego instances that are happening all around you.  And you're not gonna judge those, right -- because that would go against embodying BE-ing in the moment.  It's just gonna be the way things are -- and you won't completely lose but you'll lose a lot of the sense of it being personal.  Egos are doing what they are and that's just the way things are.  What you wanna have with Enlightenment is to just surrender to BE-ing without wanting to judge it.  Now, there's a difference between surrendering to BE-ing without judgment, and not making judgments at all, a lot of people don't see this distinction.  You're gonna make judgments post-Enlightenment, it's not that you're without Ego.  But you'll notice it as just the way things are.  And by surrendering to BE-ing that's just the way things are.  So, you might still judge, but you'll watch yourself doing it, and you're not gonna get as personal about stuff.  That's the difference between being Enlightened and not Enlightened.  For Enlightenment, you don't wanna try not to make judgments, because that will take you out of BE-ing.  You wanna open yourself up to BE-ing and just let that be what it is.  It's awareness of Egoic judging that cures your attaching to judging, not trying to force yourself to not judge.  Trying to force yourself not to judge is not good for Enlightenment.  All Egos judge, you're just gonna be aware of it and be less inclined to take it personally when you do it and when others do it.

The second is Conceptual Understanding.  Tier-One Conceptual Understanding is focused ‘out there’.  The Tier-Two framework of reality being a plurality of Perspectives doesn't really dawn on Tier-One Conceptual Understanding.  That's because Tier-One Conceptual Understanding is looking for conceptually true beliefs about an External World.  When you're focused that way, it's easy to believe that there's ‘one right’ way of investigating or doing anything.  And this paradigm can cause all kinds of judging.  You might look at a bum on the street and repeat to yourself -- 'that guy's a loser, why doesn't he get his act together'.  It's almost like you see things as the ‘one right’ way, or the ‘true’ way, or the ‘ideal’ way.  Those adjectives creep in there.  'That guy's not living right!', we might say.  What Tier-Two Conceptual Understanding framework does is it's focused on BE-ing, useful Conceptual Systems,  a plurality of Perspectives, and the Difference Model.  We already talked about BE-ing.  When you surrender to BE-ing, things just are the way they are.  You're not gonna say they couldn't be otherwise though because that's a belief.  At Tier-Two, you've transcended the Paradigm of Reality, the Paradigm of Belief, the Paradigm of Conceptual Truth, the Paradigm of Morality, and the Paradigm of Ideology.  This might sound like a bunch of nerdy stuff here, but the bottom line is, at Tier-Two you're not focused 'out there' you're focused 'in here'.  So, at Tier-Two, the only issue for you is what can I do to help this bum sustainably improve his life, if I'm so inclined.  And Tier-Two isn't forcing themselves to help bums based on some ideological basis.  If you're so inclined —  that's key language.  Don't don't force yourself to be a do-gooder.  You're not looking outward through the lens of 'the one right way' anymore -- as least insofar as your Epistemology and Metaphysics goes.  Actually, you're probably gonna feel compassion for the bum on the street.  But don’t try to force yourself to feel compassion, that's a trap.

The third is Life Purpose.  This is so true, and I'm gonna post a video from Leo below that talks about this.  When you find, create, and develop your Life Purpose — knowing and working on your Life Purpose, and I would say even 'embodying' your Life Purpose, makes you immune to a lot of judging because your attention isn't as scattered.  It's easy to judge or be affected by judgment when you have no Life Purpose.  You're kinda not really aligned with your (I hate to use the word 'true' in this manner after just criticizing it) true work in life.  You're not integrated with your true work in life.  And when you're not doing your true work in life, it's much easier to get distracted by all kinds of stuff that wouldn't even register on your radar if you were working on your Life Purpose all the time.  Life Purpose is in a way a narrowing of your focus.  But when you find your genuine Life Purpose, you're not just sitting there forcing yourself to do it.  It's your natural work, it's just you've become conscious of it.  And so you'll work for hours and hours and hours on your Life Purpose whether you get paid for it or not.  And when you're doing that, you're not really giving too much of a shit about other things.  I can write or code for hours in a zone, just totally embodied with what I'm doing.  To me, judging a bunch of external stuff that's irrelevant to that is something that I'm just not gonna do, right.  Now, I'll still do it, I'm still gonna judge, but my point is, you're not gonna be as lost as before, and you're not gonna be playing the role of the sheriff writing everybody a ticket.  When you're internally directed, a lot of the external stuff just simply becomes irrelevant to you in the moment.  So, embodying your Life Purpose is another way to manage the issue of you judging others and others judging you.  So, lemme quickly discuss the latter.  You're not gonna care so much about others judging you when you embody your Life Purpose because you know that as long as you're embodying your Life Purpose, you're not doing anything globally unsustainable with your life.  Someone may say something to you, but it will roll off your back because you know what's important for you to do, and you're doing it.  

Video on point to watch:

 

Edited July 20, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[tsuki]

On 18.07.2018 at 11:40 AM, Michael569 said:

What are some techniques, tips you have used in your life to either stop judging or letting go of it completely? 

@Michael569 Frequent compassionate contemplation.
When you're angry at somebody, try to reverse the roles and contemplate why would doing such a thing make sense.
By making sense, I don't mean simply providing any justification with accordance to common sense.
The rule is: if the reason for doing the thing makes the other person seem stupid/wrong/ignorant/etc, then the reason is invalid and you should think of another one.
You will know that you have arrived at true compassion when it would make sense for you to do such a thing if you were the other person without feeling disgust for yourself.

For example:
There are two aesthetically and qualitatively comparable shirts and one is sold for $50 and the other is sold for $200. The $200 shirt is made by a well-known brand.

• One explanation is that the $200 company tries to charge you for the feeling of self-worth coming from the fact that you earn more money than other people. The brand is then a symbol of status that is backed up by money you earn, usually by exploiting less qualified people that did not have your opportunities. The company simply wants to make as much money as possible without caring for its employees or environment.
• Another explanation is that the $200 company has invested a lot of money into consistently making good quality clothes over a long period of time and their brand became renown for that. Distinguishing quality and aesthetics of clothes is a skill that you do not profit from, but you have other more marketable skills that allow you to afford the $200 shirt. You do not want to risk buying $50 shirt because you don't know whether it will last, but you have trust for the $200 shirt because of the brand. The $200 company is simply targeting a different customer, and rightly so, as they generally tend to make less problems for the front-end employees in the stores.

These two explanations make sense, but one of them makes you judge the people that buy the $200 shirts as posers and the company as exploitative.
To me, not only the other explanation makes more sense, but it is also respectful for all parties involved.

[Charlotte]

@Leo Gura

(Ignore the tag leo)

@Michael569 I think I'm literally where your at, getting into systems thinking to help transition. This has made me super aware of knee jerk judgements, over the past 5 days I've been observing and watching my knee jerk judgements and when I hear them, I notice them and usually I'd voice them to people within my company, instead now I notice them internally and do not speak them, speaking them was a behavioural habit which in time will help drop judgements. Bringing awareness to them will help drop them. 

Observe the initial internal judgement and notice they are "just another thought" if you can notice and drop that initial judgement that will stop them in their tracks from snowballing (I've noticed for me anyway). 

Hope this helped ?

[Brittany]

Judging is a huge part of my personality. I even judge insects. haha And non-material objects.

Releasing judgement and practicing forgiveness are my two main goals right now.