being afraid because no one will notice if i die

[Claire Verlyn]

i have been thinking about it for a while, i guess. i keep asking myself "what if there will be no one notices your death if you don't get married?" my mom keeps saying that a person who doesn't get married won't be happy in the future bcs they will eventually be very lonely and then no one would even notice them if they die because they don't even have a husband/wife/children/grandchildren/ someone else that cares for them... but don't get me wrong.. this doesn't mean that i don't want to get married though... I'm just afraid that what if no one will be attracted to marry me or what if no one likes me? bcs sometimes i feel like I'm the odd one out among my peers and other people...i know it may sound irrational to you..but please give me advice..thanks in advance...

Edited July 16, 2018 by Claire Verlyn

[zoey101]

1 hour ago, Claire Verlyn said:

i have been thinking about it for a while, i guess. i keep asking myself "what if there will be no one notices your death if you don't get married?" my mom keeps saying that a person who doesn't get married won't be happy in the future bcs they will eventually be very lonely and then no one would even notice them if they die because they don't even have a husband/wife/children/grandchildren/ someone else that cares for them... but don't get me wrong.. this doesn't mean that i don't want to get married though... I'm just afraid that what if no one will be attracted to marry me or what if no one likes me? bcs sometimes i feel like I'm the odd one out among my peers and other people...i know it may sound irrational to you..but please give me advice..thanks in advance...

Those are some really mean words to tell your child  I'm so sorry you had to listen to such a harsh LIE. You don't need anyone to be happy. If you feel like you are not ready for that, then don't stress it. Enjoy your life! It is way easier and cheaper to do things as a single person. There are people getting married at 70! It is NEVER too late for it. 

As for children, just wait till you are in the position for it. Kids are expensive and tend to put A LOT on hold. Not to say they aren't wonderful little miracles, but you can't really do a lot till they get older lol

I can understand your mom's concern. She just wants to make sure you are happy and living a life you are proud of. So you know the solution to that? Just live the life YOU are proud and happy with! Don't be insecure or second guess yourself. If you live with confidence and show you are happy, NO ONE can question your life choices. (a little confidence doesn't hurt in the dating department either) 

[Prabhaker]

@Claire Verlyn

We are born alone, we die alone. Between these two realities we create a thousand and one illusions of being together. We create all kinds of hallucinations just to avoid one fact: that we are alone. But whatsoever we do, the truth cannot be changed. It is so, and rather than trying to escape from it, the best way is to rejoice in it.

Learn meditation, rejoicing in your own aloneness is what meditation is all about.

[Moreira]

My mum tells me the same stupidity to force me to follow social conditioning behaviours like get married, have children...

But who cares if my body is rotten and found 3 months ago? I wont be living in it anymore.

[Shine]

This is just such a toxic thing to say to you. Marriage/partnership does not automatically mean that you’ll have someone there beside you at the end.... If you meet someone amazing and you find that you do make that sort of commitment then that’s really exciting and would hopefully bring joy and growth into your life. I hope that you have some great friends, and if you’re lonely  reaching out here is a good place to start, and then following your passions in life brings you into contact with other like minded people. Having a partner is so not the only way of being and feeling valued in this life. As others have talked about focusing on self development, meditation and following your passions are the things that bring our lives greater meaning. Try to block out this negative and damaging message and go about living your best life. I wish you strength and happiness.Have faith in your self, define things for your self, sometimes even people that love us, can say really toxic and negative things. I think that putting it out here, and seeing the response that you are getting might affirm for you that this is just someone else’s fears, their opinion. Live true to your self and trust in your self. 

[KenDo]

First of all, love your profile pic haha I really like anime lol

As for your issue, I think that isn't true. Your friends and family will surely notice don't you think?!

Also I don't think it is a problem to not get married if you are worried about that. Many people don't tbh. It is just seen as normal in the modern culture we live in. And if you are worried no one will notice your death, why not use that as motivation to do something big and amazing that will change peoples lives? That way lots of people will remember you after your death

Hope this helps you  

[Shir]

On 7/16/2018 at 4:56 PM, Prabhaker said:

@Claire Verlyn

We are born alone, we die alone. Between these two realities we create a thousand and one illusions of being together. We create all kinds of hallucinations just to avoid one fact: that we are alone. But whatsoever we do, the truth cannot be changed. It is so, and rather than trying to escape from it, the best way is to rejoice in it.

Learn meditation, rejoicing in your own aloneness is what meditation is all about.

That hit me really hard and it's devastating to hear to be honest...

I've felt like that, especially being depressed and suffering from suicidal thoughts and what you said really hit me on a deeper level. 

[personaldevelopfit]

Honestly I fee like these are normal feelings that everyone goes through at one time or another in life. Not that this makes it any easier for you at this time in life, but realizing that others go through the same hardships can at least make you feel not alone. I think that the subject of not being happy in life if one doesn't get married is a deep seeded fear in most if not all of human beings, especially as we get older. We place so much of our percieved happiness outside ourselves onto another person, real or a hopeful person, that even if we end up with that person or married in general, we usually discover that this person may bring us happiness but not all that we wanted.

Or we can come to the realization that being married didn't bring you the happiness you thought it would because of many reasons, the main one is that usually that you yourself aren't happy or don't love yourself enough yet and are expecting a person to fill that void. Im not saying that this is the case with you, but this is one of the biggest reasons the divorce rates are so high. We want the other person to fill that void and bring that happiness to us in which we seek, and if it doesn't happen we end up resenting that person. 

Turning in and becoming more happy and content with yourself first will not only allow you to become a more a happy person but you will also attract better and happier people into your life, potentially a great mate.

Like Tony Robbins says, "In order for things to change, you have to change"

Hope this helps my friend. 

[Nahm]

Conditioning has you convinced this life is for anything or anyone other than - YOU. 

Trade “who want’s me”.   For.  “What do I want”

[zoey101]

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Conditioning has you convinced this life is for anything or anyone other than - YOU. 

Trade “who want’s me”.   For.  “What do I want”

winner post right here!