I had an "awakening" or something that lasted for a few months but now it's faded?

[isabel]

After focusing daily for a long time, I had an experience, I felt an intense joy/relief and I cried and laughed out loud, and I saw myself as something other than myself and I knew what the whole purpose of the universe was (and it was intricately hilarious by the way, beyond description), then I felt very peaceful and content for maybe a few months, my life was like nothing it had ever been before, nothing is the same any more.

But now the feeling has faded a lot, it's still sort of there but I'm slipping back into getting frustrated at times and feeling anxious at times daily now.

Does anyone know what happened? How do I get that feeling back?

Thanks!

[Prabhaker]

6 minutes ago, isabel said:

I'm slipping back

You must be doing something anti-meditative, wasting your energy in unnecessary activities. 

[CreamCat]

What is the whole purpose of the universe? We are all curious. Even if it is beyond description, you can capture a describable subset of it.

[Rinne]

@isabel Dont do what I did. Which was stopped meditating. Even if its 10 minutes a day keep the practice going. 

[isabel]

@CreamCat  It's a playground for us, we didn't create it exactly, we more became it. It was so funny to me that tears just streamed down my face, we "created" or became the entire universe and then we think it's real lol and it's not even real. I mean it is real it's just not real in the way that I thought it was before. When you think about a thing in the universe, the thing is the thought, but if you take the thought about it away, it becomes something way different, and it works for any thing in the universe, including people, and it just goes on and on like that...

I saw that and it gave me great peace, yet earlier today I got so frustrated I wanted to throw my air conditioner off my balcony...

Also, I'm not saying that I'm right at all, I just felt that and it feels good and right to me, I fully know that I could be wrong or crazy but I don't mind, if I'm wrong I don't think it makes any difference, like right now just being in this forum and talking about what happened is bringing that peaceful feeling back...so idk what do you think?

[Prabhaker]

20 minutes ago, isabel said:

bringing that peaceful feeling back

First, you will hanker for it again and again. That hankering will create misery. And it cannot be repeated by your hankering, remember , because it happened only because there was no hankering in you. It happened in a state of non-expectation. It happened because you were not looking for it.

[okulele]

Don't be fooled. It is not back there in the past. This high feeling, the feeling of it passing, the depression - that is it! That is life!

[CreamCat]

3 hours ago, isabel said:

It's a playground for us,

@isabel The universe doesn't feel like a playground. It feels more like an eternal meat grinder.

Edited July 13, 2018 by CreamCat

[Leo Gura]

@isabel Mystical experiences are not permanent awakening.

Mystical experiences are nice, but you need to go deeper, beyond experience to Truth itself, which is not an experience or a state.

There are many depths to how awakened you can be. So always keep boring deeper and deeper.

For an awakening to stick, the illusion of self needs to be thoroughly decontructed. It's very common to keep falling back into the illusion because you still haven't fully deconstructed it.

[Toby]

Even if it was an "Awakening", this is normal:

 

[pluto]

You must apply what you realize in order to stay in a constant awareness of growth but even if you don't it doesn't matter, you are always rising you just don't necessarily notice it as you get used to the higher states of being(so to speak). Be yourself, follow your highest joy and live it!

Everything will fall into place, let go and trust the process as when you do that you allow consciousness to be consciousness at its finest.

[isabel]

9 hours ago, CreamCat said:

@isabel The universe doesn't feel like a playground. It feels more like an eternal meat grinder.

@CreamCat Absolutely it is at times, in my life I've been ground up, spit out and thrown back in there over and over, I had a horrific childhood, etc, etc...which led to abuse in my adult relationships and eventually a life of daily physical and mental pain.

But that's why I'm here now. I was driven to a point of not being able to take it any more so in searching hard on how to get out I found way more than I would have otherwise, and that's also why I know that whatever I'm onto here is real, my physical pain is gone, and my mental pain is gone a lot of the time.

Also, what I see in my mind is that if there was no suffering then we would not know what contentedness is, there would no contrast. 

 

 

 

 

 

[isabel]

8 hours ago, Mikael89 said:

How did you focus?

It started with my realizing that my daily mental and physical pain was caused by what I was focusing on at that time which was mostly memories of abuse, how unfair life was, feeling sorry for myself, and other things like intense worry about money and so on.

I noticed that if I just tried to think about something else that I felt better, so I did that every day because I was in intense pain, pain is a great motivator, I watched my thoughts and reminded myself to watch and change to a better thought, watch and change, watch and change.

At first I just thought about pleasant things like being at the beach or having a really nice house.

I watched self help videos and noticed that the more spiritual videos caused the best feeling and so I focused on those all day, when they weren't playing I chose to focus on spiritual ideas, all the time, I started looking forward to insomnia instead of dreading it because it was another chance to focus. Waiting in line, chance to focus, walking to the store, chance to focus, and so on.

I also played om chanting sounds on continuous replay, I made up simple mantras for myself like "I am in peace, I am healthy" bunches of them, then when a painful thought came I could change it to that, or try to.

And then one day it just all kind of came together, all the stuff made sense, all of it for a minute, and now that I'm reading this forum, I see that was probably just a glimpse so I'm super excited to see more...

This is real to me because my physical pain is gone now and some other health problems that I had are gone. 

[Viking]

you want that feeling back, thats why you dont get it. you should be ok with everything.

[isabel]

 

Thanks all you guys! This forum is beyond amazing.

I think I got part of it, in my wanting that feeling back all I'm doing is focusing on the fact that I don't have it. Hahaha I'm so funny. 

I sort of understand going beyond thought, I can do it for a few seconds or so and I feel like I can experience something that is not the thoughts of the thing in my mind, but you're saying there is more beyond that?

How do you describe something that is not thought or experience, what is it called?

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Mystical experiences are nice, but you need to go deeper, beyond experience to Truth itself, which is not an experience or a state.

There are many depths to how awakened you can be. So always keep boring deeper and deeper.

For an awakening to stick, the illusion of self needs to be thoroughly decontructed. It's very common to keep falling back into the illusion because you still haven't fully deconstructed it.

[ChimpBrain]

Similar thing happened to me in January of '16 and lasted for about a year. Eventually I started falling back into old habits, and slacking on the new ones, and that state of being faded. I've been trying to get back there ever since with no success. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor! 

[pluto]

The issue is our inability to let go of ourselves/minds. We get so caught up in physical reality and the ego-mind we completely get over-infused in a play without taking a breather here and there and being the observer. We have forgotten how so we must step back in awareness to remember how simple it really is to remain in our natural state. Surrender and Let go, go with the breath of life and be the awareness you are.

[isabel]

@Etagnwo Thank you! You are saying exactly what I saw.

Quote

There is only one self wanting to survive separated into billions of little individual fragments all fucking itself over.

Yes lol! I have a tired self, a cranky self, a happy self, and I see those in other people, "oh so and so is his cranky self today" but that's not real, that is the one self playing...hahaha We're trolling ourselves, for fun.

[iamme]

On 7/13/2018 at 7:39 AM, Prabhaker said:

First, you will hanker for it again and again. That hankering will create misery. And it cannot be repeated by your hankering, remember , because it happened only because there was no hankering in you. It happened in a state of non-expectation. It happened because you were not looking for it.

sound like Osho BTW he's a dead end.