What's wrong with "running away" from external circumstances?

[7thLetter]

I hear this quite a bit in Self-actualization theory, but I guess don't completely understand it.

My understanding of it is that, its "wrong" to just run away from an external circumstance like abusive parents for example, without doing the inner work to accept any of it. So if you just run away from any of your external circumstances, in the back of your mind it still bothers you in a sense. Or if you ever fall back into that same circumstance, you'll also fall back into the state of mind of not being able to accept it. Since a huge part of self-actualization is about accepting life the way it is, that's why it would be considered "wrong" right?

But what about those who live in poverty, or cities with huge crime rates? Wouldn't it be a smart move to work on trying to get out of the city first rather than to prioritize the inner work of accepting reality? At least that's what I think. If you put your shoes into those who live in those types of cities, I would think that inner work is the last thing you would ever think of when you constantly hear gunshots outside, screaming, broken windows, yelling, etc. Not everyone has the luxury of sitting in a quiet room to go and meditate, or sit outside and enjoy nature.

Thoughts?

[White]

@7thLetter just because you learn to accept something as it is doesn't mean you put up with it. It depends where you're at on your journey. If you're starting out with all kinds of neurosis you will want to get away and get that handled so that your core becomes stronger.  Later on you might feel a need to enter back into those environments to help others through it as part of your life purpose. That will indeed show you a thing or two. You have to consider the context before just saying this is right and this is wrong. Yes get the hell out of a rotten situation if you can't cope with it. 

Edited June 23, 2018 by White

[7thLetter]

@White I didn't say it was wrong, that's why I had it in quotation marks. I recently had a debate on these forums which is why I posted this topic. If you look through my profile you might find exactly what I'm talking about. So in a sense I was conditioned to think it was wrong because that recent debate got me thinking that way. That person's beliefs rubbed off onto me.

Also didn't say it means that you would put up with it. I'm kind of saying that in some cases it would be smart to work on your external situation rather than prioritize your inner world.

[White]

@7thLetter what is the issue then? You've answered your question 

[7thLetter]

@White hmm, I just felt like I didn't fully understand it yet. Also just wanted to hear some thoughts on the topic

[Seriously Amused]

Running away means ignoring a problem. For example: you have an abusive parent that could never change no matter what you do, but you keep being stuck in the toxic relationship because you don't have courage to speak up or make a decision about how to deal with it and set boundaries. "Running away from circumstances" in my understanding is when you pretend that things are fine, when they are not. Deep down all worries eat you alive, but you don't want to think about them. What you don't want to face will keep bothering you as long as you ignore it.

We don't often choose external circumstances. Basically, you need to play with the cards you have been dealt with. If external circumstances mean living in a shitty and dangerous place, "running away" from this problem is when you take no action and you stay put in the same place doing nothing. Physically moving out is addressing the problem. You don't need to put up with everything and everyone that happens to appear in your life.

[Wyatt]

A large part of self-actualization is treating yourself like someone you deeply care about. If there are people or events in your life that are causing you suffering, and you can't find peace and love in your current level of development, you're never going to get to the highest levels of development. Create a well-designed plan for not only removing yourself from the situation, plan what the next 10 steps on your journey are. Sometimes you need to burn down a rotten forest before it can flourish. 

[denydritz]

What I understand is that it would be "running away" if the circumstance is something you can influence. The crime rate in a city is not something we can influence directly, individually (even if we are part of a crime-fighting task force). But there are problems we can influence that we run away from.

In the case of abusive parents, I would say we mostly don't have influence over how other people behave. But we can influence them in some way, by showing a great level of love and caring. Abusive behavior comes from somewhere, and we can help that person identify and release that behavior (unless they are attached to that behavior and want to keep doing it).

An example of something we can influence is an event that makes us sad, maybe the death of someone. It's an external circumstance, and we can't change it at all, but it could make us "run away" from it and not want to deal with it. In this case, running away isn't good because the sadness is an internal condition triggered by an external condition, and the internal condition will last as long as we don't deal with it.

Cheers!

[tsuki]

Quote

What's wrong with "running away" from external circumstances?

@7thLetter

Think of the mind as a pattern-matching device. As you experience things in your life, you spot things that recur in relation to your current knowledge.
The problem with the mind is that it matches incomplete patterns. It does not yet see the limitations of patterns it tries to capture, and applies them to observable phenomena. An incomplete pattern that is being followed is mistaken for something that ought to happen. A likely prediction.

When it comes to childhood trauma, the mind captures patterns of human behavior that it tries to understand. If you do not work through your childhood trauma and go about your life, you will match incomplete, imperfect patterns that result in a very miserable life. Just imagine if everything you did was in relation to fear of being hurt (physically or emotionally). You need to explore various routes through emotional kaleidoscope to get rid of patterns that always end up in someone being hurt. You need to make your patterns ambiguous enough to be free to choose different approaches.

You will never get rid of all patterns unless you become enlightened, but as you experience more and more circumstances, the mind will give you openings in which you will be able to see things clearly. This is why you need to keep being open-minded about things and stop judging others for what they do. Judgement is the result of pattern-matching and it occurs in various dimensions of reality (emotional, kinesthetic, conceptual, etc).

Edited June 25, 2018 by tsuki

[mostly harmless]

On 23.6.2018 at 9:49 AM, 7thLetter said:

I hear this quite a bit in Self-actualization theory, but I guess don't completely understand it.

My understanding of it is that, its "wrong" to just run away from an external circumstance like abusive parents for example, without doing the inner work to accept any of it. So if you just run away from any of your external circumstances, in the back of your mind it still bothers you in a sense. Or if you ever fall back into that same circumstance, you'll also fall back into the state of mind of not being able to accept it. Since a huge part of self-actualization is about accepting life the way it is, that's why it would be considered "wrong" right?

But what about those who live in poverty, or cities with huge crime rates? Wouldn't it be a smart move to work on trying to get out of the city first rather than to prioritize the inner work of accepting reality? At least that's what I think. If you put your shoes into those who live in those types of cities, I would think that inner work is the last thing you would ever think of when you constantly hear gunshots outside, screaming, broken windows, yelling, etc. Not everyone has the luxury of sitting in a quiet room to go and meditate, or sit outside and enjoy nature.

Thoughts?

What happens is –like Eckhart Tolle would perhaps say– the form that life takes in this moment. Challenges define our path and the path is what life is. Denying what is and/or not processing what you would need to, is denying to answer the questions that life asks you. That said, what response is required in a given situation versus what way of action/inaction would qualify as 'avoiding' is perhaps more often than not subject to individual perspective, insight, foresight, level of consciousness. If you avoid to deal with something then –on some level– you are not ready to deal with it, yet.  

Edited June 28, 2018 by mostly harmless