DrMobius

5-MeO-DMT trip report: « To the core of Being »

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@DrMobius 

When you had the thoughts ‘I only exist to be here’ and ‘I only exist to feel this, to be this, nothing else matters, there is nothing else’ and the subsequent thoughts, ‘yes, oh yes, YES, YEEEES!’ were these while you were one with this state of being? Were they thoughts or feelings?

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@Joseph1599925 Those were much more than mere thoughts, they were rather like epiphanies. As I've written a bit earlier in the report, they were like "beams of unprocessed truth." They didn't have the construction of a regular thought, because they felt more spontaneous, much more powerful, and also undeniable. Which is why it would probably be more correct to call them feelings. But even then, "feeling" is not enough.

In this state of complete non-duality, really there is nothing else but raw being. So I wasn't thinking or feeling that I was in the perfect place and at the perfect time. I was the perfect place. I was the perfect time.

Edited by DrMobius

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Great post.

Very similar to my experience. No visuals, because the beginning was like being shot out of a cannon that stripped me of everything I had ever known - including sight. There was a lot of sort of initial "pressure" as you described, as if I was being compacted, and maybe a sense of initial dense ambient sound.  I was sitting back, eyes closed, no choice in the matter.

Immediately there were no words, there were no concepts or thoughts to make words with in the first place. It's hard to describe or stress how intense this transition is. Literally everything that you normally use while conscious - gone. No ability to even form a thought about it because all that machinery is gone too. Yet you are aware. The ferocity of it was overwhelming. As you said superlatives are a bit useless - this is where all words come from.

Every "thing" was gone, save for one thing I was able to find, which was breathing - my rock during the experience. It was there in some form - a vague rhythm that told me I was still alive. If not for that "I" would simply have ceased to exist. What remained was everything you described - existence itself. Powerful, bare and pervasive - and common to all. What we all are if the things we define our selves with are taken away.

In this way I don't see other drugs like LSD, Mushrooms, or Ecstasy to be in the same category as 5 meo DMT at all. All those other drugs affect the things you know and use. Your sight, your thoughts, your hearing and other behaviors of your physical self. This drug takes all those away. What is left is reality and consciousness itself which initially was absolutely terrifying and incredibly intense.

I don't know how long this phase lasted, but I think it was only in the range of minutes, maybe 3-10, 15? The come down was very linear and pleasant, with an initial warmness, then clear thought and senses returning. It ended with a very positive feeling and outlook, and within an hour I was completely sober. This was two big inhaled doses.

Years before the experience I had a realization while completely sober that kept me awake all night long, scribbling down bizarre things like "This must be!" - that reality itself must exist because there is no alternative, all of reality comes from this as an exploration of creation. The 5 meo DMT experience had a very affirming connection to that previous experience. This truth is still very clear to me, to this day, and gives me peace in times of trouble and fortune alike.

Interestingly there are a lot of old texts with similar terminology. For example from the Baghavad Gita:

  • "Nonbeing can never be; being can never not be. Both these statements are obvious to those who have seen the truth."
  • "It was never born; coming to be, it will never not be. Birthless, primordial, it does not die when the body dies."

And many others. It seems these things were understood quite a while back - maybe it was easier back then with less noise. Stoicism in the west has similar ideas, and well known philosophical arguments explore how hard it is to define the difference between "you" and "me".

It has been a long time since the experience and although I learned a lot from it I would have been too scared to try it again due to how terrifying and intense it was. I would probably do it again with a friend though so that they can see what it is. It really can be transformative in a positive way.

 

Edited by sensori

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@sensori It is always delightful to hear from people who had the privilege to experience the Unspeakable. The trips that we had appear indeed very similar. I enjoyed reading your comment, which is both accurate and well articulated. What you have to say would deserve a topic on its own; nevertheless, thank you for commenting on mine.

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