The most enjoyable journey of my life

[sarapr]

I'm gonna write here for the next 132 days of my life until the end of this journey and I'm gonna write about my study goals and journey and how it went and how much I progressed and I'm gonna do it in my lunch break between the two parts of the day when it's the easiest to quit following through on my plans and journal about how the first half of the day went and motivate myself for the next half so after writing my plans I get to work and don't slack off and also just a short report on weather I did my yoga and meditation practices or not and keep myself going for the next 132 days . 

The most important thing though is to quit from my internet and movie addiction .

Here's a list of things I'll check myself for to save time while journaling and make it a 15-minute commitment everyday so that it doesn't take much time from me .

1. Did I watch any movies the night before?
2. How many hours did I use the internet?
3. Did I do my yoga practices ?
4. Did I meditate the night before?
5. How many hours did I study from morning up until now?
6. How many hours did I end up studying the day before?
7. Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it?
8. What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better?
9. What is my goal for the rest of the day?
10. How do I feel right now?

The rest of the strategizing and creating the goal process will be done on paper because it's way more comfortable and this is just a way to reflect on myself and to prevent myself from quiting.

[Shin]

You're on tv now.

Your life is ours !

[sarapr]

@Shin good to know . At first I actually thought no one but me would read it . It's nice to have support .

[Shin]

Ahah, look at the view on this forum, A LOT of person actually read this kind of motivation post  

Now you're a model to follow to them  

[sarapr]

Day 1

Okay it was awesome. Last night I went to bed at 12:30 but couldn't sleep until 2:30 and then woke up at 7:00 not feeling as tired as I expected then got dressed and went to school which I didn't have to go since our classes are over but school is still open for other grades and I went there to use the beautiful refreshing forest-like yard and the library but my dad was too slow to get me there so I arrived at 8:30 and then started studying and now the checklist:

1. Did I watch any movies the night before? Yes, I did but only the first 45 mins of  the 3 hour movie so I consider that a success .
2. How many hours did I use the internet? I didn't count. That starts from today.
3. Did I do my yoga practices ? Yes, I did.
4. Did I meditate the night before? Yes, I did a 10 minute meditation which was more like a daydreaming exercise than a meditation session. 
5. How many hours did I study from morning up until now? Almost 5 hours but to be more exact 4/5 hours.
6. How many hours did I end up studying the day before? Didn't count .
7. Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? Yes, I reached my goal and being in the library helped a lot.
8. What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? A light lunch , quick rest, creating a check list and continuing with excitement.
9. What is my goal for the rest of the day? To study for at least another 5 hours but the ideal would be to go for another 7 hours.
10. How do I feel right now? Satisfied and excited.  

Edited February 17, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

@Shin Don't ever stop motivating me 

[Shin]

26 minutes ago, sarapr said:

@Shin Don't ever stop motivating me 

Can I borrow your journal template ?

[sarapr]

@Shin yeah

[sarapr]

DAY 2

Yesterday I went for a "quick rest" and I ended up sleeping for 4 hours because I had only slept for 4 hours the night before and I was tired but I can't continue this cycle forever so perhaps I shouldn't even take that "quick rest" so that at night I can easily fall asleep and hopefully break this cycle .

• Did I watch any movies the night before? A TV show for less than an hour.
• How many hours did I use the internet? About 2 hours.
• Did I do my yoga practices ? Ahh I forgot .
• Did I meditate the night before? Yes , I did . It was better than the previous time.
• How many hours did I study from morning up until now? 5 hours
• How many hours did I end up studying the day before?  Only 2 more hours and 7 hours in total for yesterday .
• Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? Not quite because of  my stupid sleep cycle that I have to correct. but for today I have reached my goal so far and I don't know what helped maybe starting studying right after I woke up.
• What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? Not sleeping and getting to work immediately 
• What is my goal for the rest of the day? another 5 hours .
• How do I feel right now? Not bad.

Edited February 18, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

Day 3

Yesterday I did what I intended and didn't sleep after lunch and got a headache towards the end of the day so I took a pill and managed to sleep at 12:30 which was a huge progress. just two weeks ago I would go to bed at 5:30 a.m and correcting that and bringing my sleep schedule all the way to 5 hours earlier was much more painful than I thought and it did take 2 weeks to correct . 

After watching Leo's last video I decided to replace my milk with honey and lemon and then an hour after that I ate eggs with no bread which wasn't that bad and I actually enjoyed it .

 

• Did I watch any movies the night before? No , I didn't .
• How many hours did I use the internet? About 3/5 hours and one hours Leo's video the other hours weren't that irrelevant either .
• Did I do my yoga practices ? Yes
• Did I meditate the night before? Yes
• How many hours did I study from morning up until now? Only three hours because I was agitated and I don't know why exactly .
• How many hours did I end up studying the day before? Another 3/5 hours with a total of 8/5 hours 
• Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? No , I didn't . I think because I was too tired to study .
• What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? Cheering myself up a little bit and starting to study with a more positive attitude I don't understand why I feel pissed of .
• What is my goal for the rest of the day? 5 hours
• How do I feel right now? I feel shitty 

 

P.S : I have decided to study math and physics in the morning and biology and chemistry and the other general subjects in the afternoon because I would be too tired to do any analyzing and calculations after that much studying but if I put those first in line then in the afternoon I would even crave some easier subjects that don't require that much mental energy. yup I guess it'll be better that way.

Edited February 19, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

DAY 4 

I was mostly resting today . I wasn't feeling well and I think it was necessary so I don't have much to say.

• Did I watch any movies the night before? Two cartoons 
• How many hours did I use the internet? Not sure maybe 2 hours
• Did I do my yoga practices ? No, I couldn't .
• Did I meditate the night before? Yup
• How many hours did I study from morning up until now? 2 hours
• How many hours did I end up studying the day before? 2/5 hours and 5/5 hours in total
• Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? NO and I might not finish all that I had planned for but I'll do my best to get to as much as of it as I can so no matter what I'm not giving up just because I couldn't finish some of the plan at least study what I can and it'll take some of the load off of the other days . Now let's examine the reasons well maybe I should pick the books I want to read more carefully it's probably too much and it disappoints me and if the goal is not properly balanced between being challenging enough and being reachable it kills the motivation. I have to find that balance for the next time.
• What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? more reasonable goal setting
• What is my goal for the rest of the day? To finish one unit of biology , the part for math , chemistry 2nd grade , arabics videos , physics as much as I can and at the end literature. 
• How do I feel right now? I feel calm and happy 

Edited February 20, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

DAY 5 

I'm starting to get more engaged while studying and having that feeling of being in the now it's the most enjoyable feeling I get when studying I get totally immersed in it and this journaling thing is helping a lot it's a nice thing I had the thought of stopping it several times from day 1 but I guess keeping at it will be better and one more thing oh I remembered I'm actually quitting movies !!! wow I'm not watching that many anymore and those bad cravings and withdrawal symptoms are going away . about internet well I can never cut it off entirely I need it for a lot of things but lessening the amount is good I'm still working on that and the other one is right after writing this I'm gonna do a 15 minute visioning of my original passion which I have somewhat forgotten because all this school metrical kills the beauty of thinking about those things for yourself you just have to take what's been given to you but it used to be different for me for example two years ago that I was studying for biology Olympiad I was full of energy in contact with my true passion and enjoying every moment of my studies and I didn't have to just memorize stuff I was free to fly to whatever dimension I wanted because the nature of Olympiad requires it and now that I think back I see a lot of differences in the amount of fire burning within me; now it's mostly gone so I have to rebuild it and remember that and each time I remember those moments I get an outburst of joy and passion so maybe reconnecting with that will fuel my motivation again cause I am slacking off a bit. That whole thing I wrote was sort of a self lecture of motivation.

• Did I watch any movies the night before? Yeah maybe a little I don't know if I should count YouTube as a part of it or not I guess that goes into the category of internet ( A very sly way of saying I didn't watch any movies while in fact I have WTF)
• How many hours did I use the internet? 4 and something . That's too much 
• Did I do my yoga practices ? NO
• Did I meditate the night before? NO
• How many hours did I study from morning up until now? 3/5 hours
• How many hours did I end up studying the day before? 2 hours and 4 hours in total
• Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? Well let's see I did my math , chemistry , biology , arabics and a bit of literature but not physics so it wasn't bad .
• What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? Visioning 
• What is my goal for the rest of the day? Now I need to study the part of chemistry and math for today and another unit of bio and chemistry 4th grade and what else I guess that's it and ph would be for tomorrow 
• How do I feel right now? quite good

Edited February 21, 2018 by sarapr

[taleen]

Ohh getting emmersed in whatever you are doing, i love that feeling.

Good for you <3

[sarapr]

@taleen Yeah it's nice thanks

[sarapr]

DAY  6

Today I had a busy schedule but before that yesterday I went to sleep at 5 fucking a.m I just don't understand why it has to be that easy to stay awake even when at first you do seem tired but when it passes a certain time all of a sudden I feel energized and like I have just woken up it's a goddamn mystery to me anyways didn't ruin my life that much because I had a class at 9 am so I had to wake up at 8 and then in the afternoon I slept for 3 hours and tomorrow again I  have to take my weekly exams which is every two weeks not weekly actually so that'll prevent the collapse of my whole schedule so not much to worry .

• Did I watch any movies the night before? NO not even youtube
• How many hours did I use the internet? almost 4 hours 
• Did I do my yoga practices ? NO
• Did I meditate the night before? I forgot it's so easy to forget I'll certainly do it tonight 
• How many hours did I study from morning up until now? 3 hours class and 2 hours at home so 5 hours 
• How many hours did I end up studying the day before? I don't know but totally it got to 10 hours .finally  !!
• Did I reach my goal? If not what were the reasons? If yes what helped me do it? I guess I halfassed my goal because I studied a lot but still some of it remains all I'm thinking of right now is to have a better start next week but I have to finish this week as well so I'll continue  with halfassing stuff but don't worry I've checked the plan I have like more than a month just for this to fill in the gaps ; so as long as I stop halfassing everything starting from now I'll be fine
• What are my decisions for making the next half of the day better? Just fucking study already (Good decision right it's the best)
• What is my goal for the rest of the day? So let me organize my thoughts a bit I start from the least time consuming to the most so here's how : first arabics, then bio, then chemistry , math , religion, literature , and at the very end if I had time physics you see I didn't do ph when I had the chance and now I'm carrying along with me like chain and shackle so I hope I've learned my lesson .
• How do I feel right now? Mostly I feel in a rush 

 

Edited February 22, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

Day 7

 I'm calling it quits now. it was nice doing it for one week but I can see it's working as a distraction for me; helpful to some degree but not more and this isn't going to be forever after maybe again I'll update like a week from now or sth I don't know but for now no more updates . we'll see how it goes

Edited February 23, 2018 by sarapr

[Cammy]

Have your meditation sessions improved since you started?

[sarapr]

@Cammy yes they have and I did very short sessions but now it doesn't cut it anymore I do it for longer.

[sarapr]

120 days left oh my gosh I'm freaking out .

OK I wanted to just write somewhere and just write and write and write . sth just poped into my head that the reason for my suffering right now is being all over the place , thinking about all sorts of shits and then lacking focus and losing site of priorities and one thing Leo said about different levels of comprehension is so damn right, if I fully comprehended the importance of my priorities I wouldn't be this much of a bitch that I am and I'm actually trying to not beat myself up and that's how I talk to myself . forget it you can't .

This morning attempting to free myself up of my addictions, I first worked out for 20 to 30 mins then I sat down to meditate for one hour for the first time and it was funny how it went. first started out good , finished the first 20 mins without realizing any pain then I got agitated and opened my eyes to look at the timer then the next 15 passed painfully then I was almost falling asleep then to keep myself awake I asked the age old question of what am I and that turned me back on then I felt a one second of that oneness feeling everyone talks about and for a moment I felt magnificent, it was good but passed so fast and I went back to the normal meditation I was doing and I was blissing out for some more minutes after that and as soon as I had that silent mind , this thought of" I hope my time is not running out" kept coming and ruined the silence and then it finally finished . the most unexpected part was that right after I finished meditating , I was running after all the cravings that had come up in that time and went on acting on all those cravings one after the other, I mean wtf bro . anyway from then on I've been a walking dead following all my low level temptations and I feel even weaker than before . honestly I don't know what's gotten into me .

I am literally suffering . I feel bad about a variety of things including any aspect of human life and I even feel so bad and ashamed of them that I don't like to write them here and maybe that's the problem, taking my ideas too seriously when they don't mean anything but still, it hurts . I need some change and excitement in my life but my parents specially my mom wouldn't allow it now would she . I went shopping the other day but that hasn't helped at all I need some sort of crazy adrenaline rush in my body . where can I get that ?!?!!? I don't know. I want to go bungee jumping if I spelled it right . that's what I truly want and you think you can replace that with meditation ! of course it's not gonna work you idiot . so what should I do now that I can't go bungee jumping ? Well maybe I'll just sit here and rot . but there has to be sth .

I don't think so . I'll just give up on that and accept my situation and push forward yeah wake up early and get some shit done . that'll make me excited right .

Finally I'm done writing . time to sleep.

Edited March 4, 2018 by sarapr
cleaned up the text a bit

[sarapr]

Oh boy I just got a culture shock from my own country .

the people here are deteriorating . I watched a video on YouTube about asking the youths if they followed the famous people of Instagram and most of them did and some of the parts of their Instagram clips that I saw , oh my god what are they doing to themselves I truly feel bad for them . apparently I don't really know what goes on in here and every now and then I get a culture shock and it takes some time for me to come to terms with it. I don't actually live here I guess , it all seems so foreign to me . it is a telltale sign of poorness in here . the youth don't have anything useful to do around here and that's what they end up doing , quite obvious actually but still so good that I don't live in their world . it's a disgusting world to live in , in terms of their world view I mean.