The most enjoyable journey of my life

[sarapr]

7 hours ago, Destiny said:

Have you played Rocksmith?  It's the most fun way to learn songs on the guitar.

Not yet.

I'll give it a try 

[Destiny]

10 hours ago, sarapr said:

Not yet.

I'll give it a try 

If you do get it make sure you get it on PC, because there are thousands more songs on PC than on XBos/PS4.

[sarapr]

Was thinking of the topic of time right now and thought come here write them down before they escape me again.

So I had this click in my mind years ago that each day school was finished and we were driving back home I would have this thought that another day just finished and the previous day is gone and never again will I be in the same situation it's like it's been wiped off the face of the earth yet how can that be how can sth that felt so real the first time be so gone as to have disapeard from the fave of the earth but the realness of that moment can't get destroyed how can each moment which feels so real be so unreal just the moment after it doesn't make sense and the conclusion would be that they must exist simultaneously. all moments have to exist simultaneously all the time, they have to. That might seem like a very simple minded conclusion but that's all I could come up with and I still don't know any better. So that was my thought just wanted to have written it down somewhere. 

[sarapr]

I read the stillness book by Eckhart Tolle and I was really amazed at how accurate his description of some of the experiences I had while meditation was. His book is really good.

I feel now I can at least understand what these teachers are talking about. It's a very beautiful feeling to feel that emptiness inside. It sure changes things. You just can't look at the world the same way anymore although maybe only a small change but still. A lot of Persian poets have written about how the mind is the enemy to truth and how the truth can't be fathomed by the mind now I can understand them a bit.

You know I really like to get superpowers by awakening but each time I have that wish I remember this beautiful thing one of these Sufi masters had said. 

One time a student goes to him and says there is guy who says he can fly or the other who can walk on water and stuff like that and the master says a bird can fly and a frog can walk on water and those are not out of ordinary, the truley extraordinary thing one can do is to walk among people and live with them while mainting mindfulness and not getting lost in the illusion. 

I may have translated it a bit bad but you get the idea. I don't even remember the name of the master. 

Edited July 25, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

Sth quite interesting is that the story I wrote above is in our literature book and teachers teach that and the religious people read those and even pride themselves on having those books in their house, there are even contests on those poems that a lot of people participate in and the funny thing is none of them have even the slightest idea what those poor poets are talking about and everyone just assumes they are talking about religious experiences and teachings while the poets themselves had constantly throughout their books ridiculed religious people for being the ones who pretend to be spritual and are only spiritual on the surface and still haven't understood the depth of the matter and the funny thing is that these poets very clearly state their opposition with religion and yet religious people read that and think oh they are not talking about me of course cause I'm sure I have the truth and even interpret the poems to their own benefit as validation of their religious path. Isn't that just retarded!?

Now the other interesting thing that happens when talking about other people's stupidity is that it opens you up to the grave possibility of my own stupidity and sure I get it, there are tons of things I could be wrong about and it needs a very tough and hard core questioning of my beliefs and I will do that. And until I become clear on all of them I will keep an open mind.

Sometimes I come up with super crazy conspiracy theories and at the end I realize how it can actually be very much the case in reality and it is crazy you know. In order to keep my sanity though I let go of the theories very soon but it is totally possible for all of it to be true. 

[sarapr]

Have you noticed how stupid some court judgments sometimes are. It's because they always draw the most straight lines from the evidence to conclusion and as it turns out the reality of the situation can be totally backwards because the reality is not as straight forward as the human mind likes to think. This is such a human base trend deep rooted in us for survival reasons that whenever we are presented with a bunch of facts about a situation we draw the simplest conclusions out of it. This would potentially serve us in two ways; first, it could get us out of uncertainty. Second, make us act on it faster to save ourselves from potential danger. Now that mechanism if true would be sth we need to look out for. Not to always think in a straight forward linear logic. And if you think about it, this sort of logic in courts has caused a lot of damage to people. But it has also damaged our lives in many different ways. 

[sarapr]

Finally, my timer was finished. The timer for that blocking software called cold-turkey in which I had banned this website and now the time block is over so I came here using my laptop after a long time. Since my cell phone screen is way smaller than my laptop screen, I always thought my posts only seem that long because of the small screen and now I realize that Oh boy I write a ton of shit. Where do I even find that much nonsense to write about.

I called a friend of my mine and I said sth which I shouldn't have and knew I shouldn't have but just slipped my mouth and I think I hurt her feelings a bit but what can I do? she shouldn't mind it. it's not my problem if she does. Now I'm just acting like a heartless bastard to forget about her  whatever.

That surgery I wrote about previously which I was supposed to have next month was suddenly rescheduled and I will be having that surgery tomorrow and I was shocked and worried a bit at first when I learned about this yesterday but now I feel like it's no big deal and what come may. I honestly don't care as much anymore everything feels cool. At these moments of my life, I suddenly remember that I had believed in fate and destiny and the uncontrollability of life so I just give up trying to control the situation and just let things be and sit back and watch.

Now that I said that, I remembered an experience I had before, it was cool. I was just about to wake up but wasn't fully awake yet and was still dreaming but because I was about to wake up I remembered this dream very vividly and it was cool. I was looking at myself from a distant place and like just watching every people go about their lives and I also saw myself going out of the house and do this and that. I was watching myself like I would watch everyone else with no identification with my body or myself in any way and I saw that anything that I do on a normal basis would be done regardless of me and I would be this way and do the things I do automatically without a me controlling anything and kind of like a disidentification with my body and just seeing myself as a robot sort of thing. After that whenever I have a worry or problem, I just remember watching myself distantly and seeing that I have no say in the matter and this is how things would go regardless, you know. So that was a cool thing.

Well Now I understand what nonsense I have to say 

[sarapr]

Okay so even though I have a surgery tomorrow but I just can't keep this issue off my mind and I have to just clear it out and I can't clear it out unless I write it somewhere otherwise it would all just be a messy bush in mind like a foggy cloud of thoughts that I just keep assuming I know the answer and that there's no more to it but I know there is so enough with that let's get to it.

Let's at first assume that the world is materialistic and that there is an objective reality out there and there is a brain creating the consciousness. So now what do we have? and how can we know of the blind spots and how it might be wrong or right? so if we assume that there is an objective reality then the question of where it came from is there and we can always think that there is an infinite chain of cause and effect or that it just came out of nothing and not everything has to occur through this limited notion of cause and effect just because that's how the human mind can perceive stuff so maybe our logic is limited and sth can come out of nothing. now the other thing is well there is this world which was created and everything is evolving and everything and the brain was created now after so many years we can have consciousness through the brain and how might we come about having consciousness come out of a brain. Well, there can be a couple of ways to think about this. first, we need a definition of awareness and consciousness so what is awareness. awareness is the state of having all the senses in your body felt and a state of feeling all your senses. well, you could say those sensations come to manifest themselves through the meaning they create by the value they provide to the body kind of like we feel them the way do because of the connections they make and create a means to an end. but still, it feels sort of unprovable. so what would actually the objections to this world be? we should have asked that at first. so the thing is we can never really now for sure and that's a fact. you can never step out of your present awareness to see the world for what it is beyond your perception of it. So for a fact you just know that no matter how much you try you can never escape your own perceptions and even if you create sciences to tell you stuff about the world it still can't be any good proof cause maybe your way of perception would agree with the way you would choose to create a tool like using your limited understanding and then it would also work but you could never know if your perceived world as you know it and the rules that apply to it are even what actually they are and not just sth you think they are because of your limited understanding of the world. So there is just no way to know that for sure. but then you might say well this world is here and it must have gone through so much difficulty to get where it is and it has to be real cause why else would we even be here if this isn't real. well, why would a world even be there? so look here you could say okay when there is nothing you can carve out anything you want from it so when you have nothing you at the same time have everything and this everything is real or not is the question. so consciousness, as i have discovered, is emptiness so if you have emptiness as your consciousness which anti-materialist paradigm would say is the substance for everything is emptiness so it is still the same thing. you have nothing and everything and if you say that nothing is the substance of everything you would be correct and there is actually no contradiction here unless I'm wrong about consciousness which I'm not so sure about yet but let's go with that for a moment here. so now is there sth beyond emptiness is our new question which then answer would be of course not everything is emptyness so now both paradigms are becoming the same thing. because to explain why the reality exists that's the only way to say it. and then what that would mean is exactly the anti-materialist paradigm but also the materialist paradigm to look at the other way round. and now which would come first the brain or the awareness? well, that's actually the key thing I want to know. they would be identical the brain and the awareness in the absolute sense would be both nothing. none would exist. so that's actually the thing that's why it makes no sense to separate the two and say which came first if they are both the same thing!! but there is still sth about it I can't quite put my hands on... it is way trickier than I imagined at first. It needs more time to be cleared out for me. so look the materialist paradigm is not provable at any level in any way. so the anti-materialist paradigm says just that, that this is the truth of the matter and we can't' go beyond it. so it's actually a dead end for our understanding of the world. it can't really be grasped by a finite mind. it would be safe to believe it was expected actually cause sth can never grasp itself it can only be itself and not grasp itself. so no matter how much you actually think about this shit it would always remain a mystery in the end. but even that logic could be wrong. how is it that we even can have logic what is the mechanism of logic?? a question for another time. but look it just doesn't make sense. well here is the thing you can't continue down a path which is not provable so at least try the one which can be proved. but then at the end, I guess I will realize that both things were the same actually and both were sort of correct and were just pointing to the same thing only from different angles. Now I think it is very late and I need to go to sleep now. but this issue is from over for me. I will get back to it. And next time, I would go about it a lit bit more cleanly and more organized cause again it was a messy way to do it and if it were done in a step by step process it would be better. so for next time, I will do it better so I  can get further.

[sarapr]

Sth else that I've been thinking about for a while is this. Regarding time.

Imagine the universe came into being out of nothing. So there would be at first nothing then sth spawned into being. But here is the thing that if before that there was nothing then the reference point for existence is always one point starting after sth has come into being and the period before that which there was nothing is timeless. But also if the rule of the nature is to have sth each time there is nothing, then nothing always exists and always we have a new universe coming into being all the time. So there would infinite universes coming into being at all times and also universes ending at all times and also having all the moments of each universe in infinite numbers. So not only an infinite number of the same universe but also infinite numbers of each moment in each universe infinitely. But there have been some assumptions made here which could be false. For example, how do we know that, it is actually the rule of the world that sth would always be made of nothing in the way I'm thinking right now. So that was just one scenario which I can't be absolutely sure of yet.

So that's it for now.

Edited July 29, 2018 by sarapr

[sarapr]

Im back home from the surgery

Everything went fine.

And I feel very good.

And tomorrow my test results will come as well. Hope that one goes as good as this.

love you god 

[sarapr]

hey

back from the dead 

okay I know I've been gone for so long. I've been quite busy managing everything and my new life and everything after the results came cause after the results it's just the beginning of a whole new world of trouble to then start getting things going so you'd think passing the exam is when the work's done but no just the beginning in fact. So that's why I've been gone but felt bad for leaving this journal half finished so here I am. But will be gone again.

[moon777light]

nice to have ya back