My mind makes me feel dumb during conversations

[Nadosa]

Hi,

I feel so terrible at the moment. So I was dating this cute girl and it was just awkward, couldnt talk etc.. I didnt like the way I acted at all, was caught up in my mind, way too overwhelmed and instantly lost my frame. 

Thing is, these awkward silences made me really nervous, she felt this nervousness and felt intensely uncomfortable. So she called her friend who came and she went away with him later without saying goodbye. It was very crowdy, but I felt like so awkward and embarrassed. I felt so...so damn like I lost my balls.

So what do I have to do to keep my frame?

Edited December 10, 2017 by Nadosa

[Spiral]

@Nadosa You said that you are dating, did you meet her online, pickup or casually?

There are a plenty of ways to deal with awkward silences, although getting super nervous about them is one of the worst ways.

First and foremost silence is not necessary a bad thing, but if it's a constant awkward vibe around to them ? yes, it does effect you results poorly. The most common reasons this happens in the first place is that you don't ask questions or respond in a effective way.

Asking questions that can be answered with yes/no is generally kind of boring and does not go anywhere. While you can't effect how she create her questions, it up to you how you respond to them.

Also of course this both of yours  responsibility, but if you know the tricks you will not have to deal with this problem.

[YaNanNallari]

Look at the root causes of why you acted the way you acted. I wouldn't recommend just finding quick fixes for getting good with girls, but improving yourself overall. I found how to get girls doing that anyway. If you're new to actualized.org you might have plenty of learning to do before you'll be able to clearly look at what caused you to behave like you did or what you can improve. Remember a silence is only awkward if you think it is. My style of social situations often has to do with being comfortable with silence, but of course I'll speak if I feel like it.

[Nadosa]

On 10.12.2017 at 3:56 PM, Spiral said:

@Nadosa You said that you are dating, did you meet her online, pickup or casually?

There are a plenty of ways to deal with awkward silences, although getting super nervous about them is one of the worst ways.

First and foremost silence is not necessary a bad thing, but if it's a constant awkward vibe around to them ? yes, it does effect you results poorly. The most common reasons this happens in the first place is that you don't ask questions or respond in a effective way.

Asking questions that can be answered with yes/no is generally kind of boring and does not go anywhere. While you can't effect how she create her questions, it up to you how you respond to them.

Also of course this both of yours  responsibility, but if you know the tricks you will not have to deal with this problem.

Here the whole story, I havent met her before, she seemed more pissed with the time passing.

How should I put it, had my real first date at a house-tech party and it was just embarrassing. So we arrived there, all was going ok, but generally the location + the music was the complete opposite of what I've imagined. I absolutely didnt like it there and she definitely felt it.

Have not been able to build a conversation because Ive put her on a pedestal since the first moment (appearance Hb10). No topics, one-syllable answers + music she did not like.

She has then called her best friend and was hanging around with him because she obviously felt very very uncomfortable not knowing me and it was just soo wrong to go to a party to get to know each other - that was the end, how can you fuck it up so hard lol? Even before the club she called her best friend and said "yes am standing in front of the club with a buddy" and laughs at me provocatively: D.

Do you know that moment when you just stand there for like 3-5 minutes without saying anything and rather prefer to run away because you just feel like you dont have so much in common? Awkward silence between sentences!

Have you had same experience and what to do then to not lose the frame completely?

My whole frame was gone at once. It became clear to me, that's why I danced with other women, somehow tried to make the evening for me. We went out to smoke some cigarettes and we both didnt like it at all and she said she was absoluetly down to go to an event next week, at which there was music we both liked - I invited her before, but she was uncertain because of exam/school next day. So I even suggested to go to another location but she was unsure.

I just feel bad. She even went home without saying goodbye (of course I can not blame her, just failed and brought her into an unpleasant situation (ouch!) - or fuck no I've paid all her drinks damn haha, so why not even saying goodbye there?).

I then danced with others because I noticed after a while that it just does not fit with her and after the failed conversation you cant just dance with her, that just felt wrong. I dont know. I feel down, brainfuck. How can I ever turn this in the other direction again?

I consider myself completely embarrassed in the social circle (same music scene) because the evening was REALLY awkward and I have no plan what I should do when I see her next time.

I'm just the type: good in textgame and nothing behind it, spitting lines and failing in real life. But I really wanted the date and if the circumstances had been different it might have gone better.

Am I owing her an apology? Because well, I could not keep my promise of making her a nice evening...but idk, maybe she was a bit upset I danced with other girls and not with her? - and somehow feel like apologizing.

PS: Am 19, she's 18 and my first real "date", dont even know if it was one, knew nothing about her in general, was quite overwhelmed to entertain such a girl. A H10 looking girl of course isnt so nice for a dude without experience.

I havent texted her yet, she hasnt either. But I feel like it shouldnt be over yet. So rather not texting, better waiting and talk to her in real life?

Should I ask her again for the party on thursday?

Edited December 11, 2017 by Nadosa

[Shane597]

I would not contact this girl again. Move on and go find a girl you have stuff in comon with. Go out dancing and meet new people. Make friends first. It is hard to make girls feel comfortable. My advice would be to be afraid of nothing. When i got laid I let her do all the talking and I asked her questions. I was sexual and care free. Also, you need to realize it is not just you that is making the situation uncomfortable, it is her too. She is insecure about herself too, otherwise, she would have been more understanding and not afraid of silence. At this age it is just hard to have fluent conversations with people because of social media and our ego formation. Don't worry about your failure. @Nadosa