Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Nadosa

Really Feeling Guilty For Not Going To University

4 posts in this topic

Hey, 

well, I've been very depressed lately, started studying two weeks after the beginning of the first year, but it all goes in a terrible direction. Primarily, it is because my lazy, fucking depressed brain cant absorb stuff anymore or I just stay in bed and don't go because I keep ruminating everywhere I go, it is literally chasing me. Secondly, the Depression makes studying pointless, I see no point in putting effort in it, I just can't worry normally anymore. Last but not least, I keep telling myself it is too late to keep my head at bay and better drop out, or I just feel like I am not interested at all in what I am doing. 

The main subjects (maths, informatics) really don't interest me that much, but I was pushed by my parents to find something directly after school. 

I don't know, I wish I had motivation, maybe I am just not meant to become an industrial engineer? 

I am way more interested in psychology or languages. I know I have to find something to keep my head off this terrible Depression. 

But of course, I feel guilty and my parents make me feel guilty. I know I just fuck up my future, but why forcing anything I don't like? 

The guilt I feel because of this is really intense because my parents expect me to be the best and don't want me to end like my brother (who hasn't got any work). 

It is a miserable feeling when everybody in my familiy has hope in me and I turn out to be the biggest failure. 

Edited by Nadosa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Nadosa talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. tell them that the feeling of obligation is making you sick (because it is) and that you need some time with yourself to feel what you really want to do.

do not worry about the "wasting my life" excuse. that is bullshit. wasting your life is doing something that you don't want to do and becoming sick.

my fiancee was studying architecture. it's a promising career. but it was making her sick and i was the first one to tell her to let it go. now she's going to study music because she gave herself time to experience a lot of different things and find out what she wants to do, not what others want her to do.


unborn Truth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's pretty clear that engineering is not what you want to be doing. So don't. 

I know first hand how guilt contributes to depression and anxiety.  I didn't manage to finish my master theses in time and my parents started pressuring me that I'm lazy and that I have to find a job asap. Guess what ... instead of continuing in the slow but steady pace I had before, I did ZERO for two months, because they got me stressed out. It's real. 

Throw out the guilt for not doing the job your parents chose for you. It's your life and it's important that you choose. 

You're not in a state to do it anyway. 

Normally I'd tell you to find a job, but I doubt that's realistic now. You need recovery.

Throw out the guilt for doing nothing right now. Depression sucks! It robs all life force. Give yourself some time. 

Are you living with your parents? It's unfortunate, but you might have to tell your parents how badly you're feeling. 

As part of my journey out of depression and confusion I did an intensive group program where you go every day and have group therapy, relaxation, do art- and other kinds of therapy. The program is similar to mental health hospitals, but they don't lock you up there, it's strictly voluntary. It's meant to get people more in touch with themselves, teach coping skills for relationships and initiate change. I get the feeling that maybe this could be a good environment for you right now, a part of conventional health-care that's actually useful. (Or, at least, it might be acceptable for both you and the people around who are supporting you and must be worried.) Unfortunately, my German language skills are lacking, so I can't give you specific tips.

Edited by Elisabeth

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Nadosa What would you do if you had $100 million dollars and no chance of failure?

Do that now


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0