Physical Contact And Sex

[spicy_pickles]

My partner and I have very different sex drives. Part of the problem is I’ve been having issues with contraceptives, female issues, etc. I’ve been very honest to him about this. It doesn’t matter though. 

I was feeling rather under the weather today. As soon as he sat down beside me, I knew that meant sex. I, feeling crummy, was just happy leaning close to him. He proceeded to try and initiate sex. When I said, “not right now, I’m feeling kinda gross, can we just hang out like this” he got mad. He got up, said I never want to have sex, don’t ever need sex and that the conversation is over. He has ignored me since. 

This has happened before. Not the first time. So, I feel as though I need to be on the same page frequency-wise as him. Never say no to sex. Always want sex. Doesn’t matter if I’m not feeling well. 

The other problem, he always tries to do things I dislike. I always say, no, that hurts. No, that’s uncomfortable. He says it’s my issue because I’m not relaxed enough. I’m not holding my body a certain way. I should just try again, this time maybe laying flatter. He totally disrespects my concerns during sex anyways and just wants to do what he wants. 

Theres a plethora of other issues I won’t get into here. But I guess, I feel as though I don’t know what sex is like in a good, intimate relationship. He’s made me feel as though nobody says no to sex and I’m not normal. 

[YaNanNallari]

Well he sounds like a manipulative bastard. Granted that he might have his good sides, I'd just leave the relationship. You don't have to put up with that.

Edited November 13, 2017 by YaNanNallari

[poimandres]

Pornography has corrupted our vision of what sex is suppose to be like from a man's perspective. It's suppose to be wild crazy, noises, blah blah blah.. it's definitely not like that all of the time. Sounds like his expectations are off. Sadly, I agree to the above.. probably going to be a wedge in the relationship.

[aurum]

@spicy_pickles

Two questions. No right answers, I just want to see where you're at.

1) How often do you have sex?

2) How committed are you to making this relationship last?

[spicy_pickles]

@aurum

1.  Once a week. 

2.  I think I’ve tried everything, and he refuses to work with me to improve it. It’s all one sided. Everything is my fault in the relationship. I’m committed to working on getting out. 

[poimandres]

19 minutes ago, spicy_pickles said:

@aurum

1.  Once a week. 

2.  I think I’ve tried everything, and he refuses to work with me to improve it. It’s all one sided. Everything is my fault in the relationship. I’m committed to working on getting out. 

How are you going to do #2 and when. Goals without deadlines never get done. Don't need specifics, just commenting.

Edited November 13, 2017 by poimandres

[Source_Mystic]

This is not even a question.  You two do not sound compatible. One there is a sex drive difference and two He seems to not care or want to please you. That is not a relationship he sounds like a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies. Ether way. Get the fuck out of doge girl , run now run fast this will not get better only worse.  

Edited November 13, 2017 by Source_Mystic

[Key Elements]

Your relationship cannot be based on just sex, right? Do you two share other things like what are you interested in? What are your hobbies? Where do you like to go out sometimes? Etc. Etc... I'm only saying this in this manner because I'm guessing from your post that you're a gal who is interested in a long term relationship. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

If you really love him and feel the relationship is worthwhile to develop, then you should buy this book: https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260 to him. Tell him you love him, that you're sad about your sex life not going so well and that you want it to be great for both of you. Tell him that you really feel that he should read this book. Hell, you should also read it yourself perhaps. If he agrees to read the book, it shows that he has a deep passion for the relationship and wants to fix it because he loves you. If he doesn't want to read it, because he's close-minded and not open to new ways of thinking about how to pleasure a woman, then leave the relationship imo.

[pluto]

Tell him to quit porn/drugs, and possibly stop masturbating for a while. Many men get like this because they are addicted to sex/pleasure/getting off.. if that doesn't work they revert to porn or drugs/alcohol, something to "fill the void" because they feel uncomfortable being themselves as they have lost touch their their true selves so if they do not fulfill these things as often as they have adapted themselves to, it forces them to be outside their comfort zone thus a relapse is in process.

He needs to learn to live outside his comfort zone for a while in order to heal and see/live more eye to eye with you and others. If he doesn't wish to do so for you or value enough to save the relationship its probably wise to end sooner than later.