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A low dose of psilocybe cubensis cured me from a decade long battle with depression and sewercide

This is not advice for anyone in a difficult situation. Personally, I would never recommend psychedelics to anyone. They are, imo, powerful and relatively dangerous.

When I was a young boy entering teenagehood I was very confused and emotional like most young boys. I didn't come from a particularly healthy family. In fact, most of my family members on my mother's side experienced some sort of depression. At this point in my life, I had developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and unsustainable behavior patterns but I was completely unconscious of these.

I started harming myself at an early age, 13-14 and I began to choose apathy and hopelessness over facing difficult truths. I held many limiting beliefs such as a genuine belief that I was not good enough and that I had wasted my life to a point where it was irreversible. I honestly thought that I was beyond the point of ever reaching a good life.

I went the classic disgruntled teenager route of hating myself and everything around me.

Thinking back on it now, it all began as an adoption of a particular type of identity. I became the goth/emo/whatever character you see in south park. There was real suffering and immaturity behind it but mostly it started as a way of fitting in.

This kind of behavior led me towards a deeper and more refined sort of depression and eventually I had given in so heavily to apathy and hopelessness. It became a comfortable hell for me. The problems in my life that I couldn't solve or even understand would no longer need to be confronted. I would dive into the hole instead. It's like a loophole. You don't have to do anything, you can just give up. I can look at this state from my current perspective, but I was truly lost at the time. Depression, imo, atrophies the part of yourself that wants to fight. That is willing to fight.

Depression was a game that I played with myself and it was the most powerful coping mechanism that I have ever come across.

Years went on I gradually let go of the identity that I had adopted. I saw friends from the same groove leave it behind and they were happier for it. So was I. But it didn't last. I had discovered what depression had to offer and whenever something happened that I didn't like, I would leap straight into the pit to escape any sort of responsibility

I got older and went to high school. More hard truths and difficult obstacles came my way and into the depression hole, I went. I dropped out multiple times and sewercide was a common theme. At 1 point I would tell myself to commit nono for hours every single day.

Eventually, I would settle at a school where things seemed to be going pretty well. Good grades, nice social status, a hint of a girlfriend, sexual sexings. It was cool, but depression loomed over me waiting to pounce on anything I couldn't/wouldn't deal with. Eventually, the relationship went sour and I spiraled my way into an emergency unit at a psychiatric hospital and I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. Never graduated.

---
I'm not bipolar. At the time I guess I actually welcomed a label I could use to give up more responsibility but looking back at it now I realize how harmful it would have been to completely surrender to that. I could go on for hours about the medical industry and public health care but that's not the point. Just know that I never actually lived up to the requirements for such a diagnosis. My mind is blown by how easily these life damning words are tossed around.
---

After dropping out of school again I was slightly relieved but at the same time I felt utterly powerless and my life looked hopeless.

At this point, I had discovered self-help and actualization and it had shown me the massive potential for change. That change was possible. I had experimented with different exercises and practical methods such as meditation and autosuggestion and I had achieved incredible results. After a month of reprogramming my mind with affirmations and daily meditation, I changed so much that I became terrified. I was so scared that I dropped the whole thing and went right back to self-sabotage and massive delusion.

I was back to my old habits but I had experienced what was possible for me. I knew that change was possible and I knew that my potential for change was nearly endless.

My first psychedelic experience came after a foundation was built. I had spent a lot of time trying to understand myself, and how my mind works and I had become a much more open-minded person. I feel that this foundation was essential.

I took 1.5 grams of dried psilocybe cubensis (I think it was golden teachers) with a small group of friends. We had planned it and we were all somewhat educated about psychedelics and what to expect. I had been obsessed with the possibilities of psychedelics for obvious reasons so I felt ready and with my friends, I felt comfortable and loved. Hours before I met up with my friends for the trip, I was contemplating suicide. It was the usual rumination over not being good enough, having wasted my life, etc. Despite having a conceptual understanding that this was not an optimal state of mind for psychedelics, I had a deeper instinctual feeling that this was exactly what I needed to do and that this state of mind was exactly where I (me personally) needed to come from.

I had a great trip. It wasn't very reflective. We just had fun on a sunny day in the hot tub until something unexpected happened. A more experienced friend of mine asked me about my depression in the middle of the trip. Just when he asked that question, the weirdest thing happened. I felt what I would describe as lightning bolts shooting inside of my brain right at the temples. I was amazed. It was very physical. It was as if I could feel the pain of depression without being connected to it. I was shown the effects that depression was having on my mind and my life but from an outside perspective.

After the trip, I felt great. I felt healed and restored. A few times I would give in to depression and sewercide again but it was changed now. It had been recontextualized for me. the few times that these thoughts came up after that trip I looked at them and took them less seriously. I began to think that they were kind of silly. nonsensical. I had transcended depression.

2 years later I am completely cured of depression and wanting to commit nonalive. I feel it so deeply. I know that I can become sad again or frustrated or w/e, but it just doesn't mean the same thing anymore. I don't want to be depressed anymore. So I'm not going to become depressed.

1.5 grams of dried cubensis. Years of depression and sewercidal ideation. Almost a decade of wanting to die and hating my life. Gone. Completely gone.

That's amazing.

Feel free to ask me anything. I'm an open book about this.

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On 4/27/2022 at 6:44 AM, Mintberrycrunch said:

A low dose of psilocybe cubensis cured me from a decade long battle with depression and sewercide

This is not advice for anyone in a difficult situation. Personally, I would never recommend psychedelics to anyone. They are, imo, powerful and relatively dangerous.

When I was a young boy entering teenagehood I was very confused and emotional like most young boys. I didn't come from a particularly healthy family. In fact, most of my family members on my mother's side experienced some sort of depression. At this point in my life, I had developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and unsustainable behavior patterns but I was completely unconscious of these.

I started harming myself at an early age, 13-14 and I began to choose apathy and hopelessness over facing difficult truths. I held many limiting beliefs such as a genuine belief that I was not good enough and that I had wasted my life to a point where it was irreversible. I honestly thought that I was beyond the point of ever reaching a good life.

I went the classic disgruntled teenager route of hating myself and everything around me.

Thinking back on it now, it all began as an adoption of a particular type of identity. I became the goth/emo/whatever character you see in south park. There was real suffering and immaturity behind it but mostly it started as a way of fitting in.

This kind of behavior led me towards a deeper and more refined sort of depression and eventually I had given in so heavily to apathy and hopelessness. It became a comfortable hell for me. The problems in my life that I couldn't solve or even understand would no longer need to be confronted. I would dive into the hole instead. It's like a loophole. You don't have to do anything, you can just give up. I can look at this state from my current perspective, but I was truly lost at the time. Depression, imo, atrophies the part of yourself that wants to fight. That is willing to fight.

Depression was a game that I played with myself and it was the most powerful coping mechanism that I have ever come across.

Years went on I gradually let go of the identity that I had adopted. I saw friends from the same groove leave it behind and they were happier for it. So was I. But it didn't last. I had discovered what depression had to offer and whenever something happened that I didn't like, I would leap straight into the pit to escape any sort of responsibility

I got older and went to high school. More hard truths and difficult obstacles came my way and into the depression hole, I went. I dropped out multiple times and sewercide was a common theme. At 1 point I would tell myself to commit nono for hours every single day.

Eventually, I would settle at a school where things seemed to be going pretty well. Good grades, nice social status, a hint of a girlfriend, sexual sexings. It was cool, but depression loomed over me waiting to pounce on anything I couldn't/wouldn't deal with. Eventually, the relationship went sour and I spiraled my way into an emergency unit at a psychiatric hospital and I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. Never graduated.

---
I'm not bipolar. At the time I guess I actually welcomed a label I could use to give up more responsibility but looking back at it now I realize how harmful it would have been to completely surrender to that. I could go on for hours about the medical industry and public health care but that's not the point. Just know that I never actually lived up to the requirements for such a diagnosis. My mind is blown by how easily these life damning words are tossed around.
---

After dropping out of school again I was slightly relieved but at the same time I felt utterly powerless and my life looked hopeless.

At this point, I had discovered self-help and actualization and it had shown me the massive potential for change. That change was possible. I had experimented with different exercises and practical methods such as meditation and autosuggestion and I had achieved incredible results. After a month of reprogramming my mind with affirmations and daily meditation, I changed so much that I became terrified. I was so scared that I dropped the whole thing and went right back to self-sabotage and massive delusion.

I was back to my old habits but I had experienced what was possible for me. I knew that change was possible and I knew that my potential for change was nearly endless.

My first psychedelic experience came after a foundation was built. I had spent a lot of time trying to understand myself, and how my mind works and I had become a much more open-minded person. I feel that this foundation was essential.

I took 1.5 grams of dried psilocybe cubensis (I think it was golden teachers) with a small group of friends. We had planned it and we were all somewhat educated about psychedelics and what to expect. I had been obsessed with the possibilities of psychedelics for obvious reasons so I felt ready and with my friends, I felt comfortable and loved. Hours before I met up with my friends for the trip, I was contemplating suicide. It was the usual rumination over not being good enough, having wasted my life, etc. Despite having a conceptual understanding that this was not an optimal state of mind for psychedelics, I had a deeper instinctual feeling that this was exactly what I needed to do and that this state of mind was exactly where I (me personally) needed to come from.

I had a great trip. It wasn't very reflective. We just had fun on a sunny day in the hot tub until something unexpected happened. A more experienced friend of mine asked me about my depression in the middle of the trip. Just when he asked that question, the weirdest thing happened. I felt what I would describe as lightning bolts shooting inside of my brain right at the temples. I was amazed. It was very physical. It was as if I could feel the pain of depression without being connected to it. I was shown the effects that depression was having on my mind and my life but from an outside perspective.

After the trip, I felt great. I felt healed and restored. A few times I would give in to depression and sewercide again but it was changed now. It had been recontextualized for me. the few times that these thoughts came up after that trip I looked at them and took them less seriously. I began to think that they were kind of silly. nonsensical. I had transcended depression.

2 years later I am completely cured of depression and wanting to commit nonalive. I feel it so deeply. I know that I can become sad again or frustrated or w/e, but it just doesn't mean the same thing anymore. I don't want to be depressed anymore. So I'm not going to become depressed.

1.5 grams of dried cubensis. Years of depression and sewercidal ideation. Almost a decade of wanting to die and hating my life. Gone. Completely gone.

That's amazing.

Feel free to ask me anything. I'm an open book about this.

We need more people like you who can shed a light on how the medical industry and their labels about someone having a personality disorder etc. Putting them on drugs and allowing them to think its their lot in life. I'm so glad people like you exist who can help shed light on this. Yes psychedelics are a powerful healing tool, its like freaking magic...cause it is!!! LOL!!


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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