Does This Happen To You?

[Miguel Oliveira]

Hy people!

I have a quick question for you..

I'm now dating this girl but a recurring thing that hold me back keep appearing..

This thing appeared in all of my relationships and it's a thing that is holding me back from having an amazing relationship.

With all the girls that I think I more into to and her feeling the same way, this thought and feelling that "Is this the girl that you want?", "You gonna be stuck with her?", "You're not going to enjoy and have things with other, hotter girls?". Everytime that I see a girl that I perceive as attractive, the feeling that she is better than the girl that I'm dating pops up.

This feelings start to get in me and after some time the spark of the relatioship goes away and one more girl that goes away!!

This keeps happening time after time, the spark that existed, a day after goes away and I don't feel anything!!

CAN YOU GUYS GIVE ME SOME WORD OF ADVICE FOR TRYING TO FIX THIS?

Thanks for your time!!

[SFRL]

Think about this for a moment: How much time and energy does it take to chase a new girl everytime?

Do you have other things in your life that you want to pursue? How much time and energy over the years would you save up if you just stuck it out with one girl? Then all that time and energy you can put into other projects. 

[YaNanNallari]

I think for me I've just recognized it without trying that if I perceive someone as hot is just me adding something to reality. What I mean is that "eating bananas is evil" is a very similar projection as "someone is hot". Although other people have told you that certain kind of people are hot it's after all just a way to view things. And while knowing these things I'm also aware of that just being with a hot person doesn't bring me deep and lasting joy or happiness. I don't really see someone as hot anymore. I just see them the way they are and they're beautiful.

Another reason you probably want to have someone good looking by your side is that you want them to make you feel strong/good in some way. And also to be perceived that way by other people, since they may like your hot girlfriend and you might be a bit addicted to validation from them.

[Miguel Oliveira]

@YaNanNallari yep it's true. Very good point view.

I think that the major problem is deep subconscious blockages that I have from my past.

I remember when I was a kid saying to myself that I never felt real love to someone (like on the TV shows that I'd watch) and I was always trying to find love in another person.

Probably I felt love but the way I thought that love was wasn't the love that I felt!! (mindfuck).

I'm seeing some approaches to remove those blockages!!

What you think @YaNanNallari ?

[YaNanNallari]

I'm not sure what kind of blockages you have but I'll explain something.

I'll try to explain this simply the way I see it (I'm not super good at this stuff yet). I think seeing beauty in things has to do with loving things. It's easy to think of humans as sort of beautiful and magnificent because we're so complex. When we're just looking at someone it becomes more easily obvious that we can't really put our finger on everything that a person is. With a mundane thing like your desk it can be hard to understand how it could be beautiful the same way. It seems to be just a desk. In the end they're all part of everything and limitless though and can be seen as a beautiful expression of everything.

Once I realize this at least on some level it becomes clearer to me that the crushes, hot people and lust are just other parts of everything there is and I don't want to get lost in them. It makes me feel like I'm closing down to myself instead of opening up to love if I try to hold on to them.

I think this video might help you understand what I mean by everything

If you have some blockages or limiting view then seeing that they're just one thing among others we can hold on to in order to stay in some comfort zone. Be compassionate towards yourself and just let them go. There was some things in the past you didn't know and you thought in those ways for some reasons.

Hope this helps