Trip Report: Inner Child Work

[eskwire]

I have recently gotten into Bradshaw's work on the "inner child," which has been more immediately transformative than a lot of what I've dabbled in psychologically and spiritually. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family (absent parent, addict parent, emotional/physical/sexual abuse), I highly recommend you look into this realm of psychology. 

Quick background on my childhood: Alcoholic father who went to rehab and dominated it when I was 16 (so 16 years of total insanity in my home, proud of his recovery). Suicidal mother (an attempt every few years, stopped by a random intervening force she wasn't expecting each time).

Major Traumatic Events: 1. Attempted sexual assault at age 10 by my father, who was so drunk I believe he thought I was my mother while napping in their bed. I fought him off and no one spoke of it again. The rest of the family doesn't know about it - I don't think he remembers it. 2. Father broke into our home with a shotgun and threatened to kill us all while separated from my mother. We ran to the neighbors' in the middle of the night. 3. Some physical violence events. 4. Mother's suicide attempts, hospitalizations, escape from hospital on Christmas.

Daily Trauma in the Home: Having to be quiet and not-annoying, parental screaming, anger, crying mother, being blamed for parental discord and separations, etc etc. Usual chaos in an alcoholic home.

Inner child work operates on the premise that you were not nurtured and provided for appropriately at your various developmental stages. The energy of need is trapped physically and emotionally. The loss must be re-experienced, grieved, and another healthy adult must provide the nourishment (you, now).

Effects of a fucked up inner child are addictions, dysfunctional romantic relationships, lack of self worth, neuroses of all shapes and sizes.

Healing Techniques: Looking at photos of yourself as a child, writing letters to and from yourself as a baby/child (using your non-dominant hand to write as your inner child), guided meditations, group work.

I haven't done a lot of work yet. I have written to and from myself as a baby and a child. I have looked at pictures of myself and imagined holding myself. 

Two Experiences of Note:

1. I listened to a hypnosis session on "Letting Go of Past Relationships" that I have listened to several times before with no real benefit. This time, I listened to it and imagined myself as a baby doing the hypnosis instructions - my adult self held the baby in the imagery. I noticed instant results and no longer felt the pangs and desperation of wanting to reach out to an ex boyfriend I have struggled to get over for a year.

2. After this hypnosis, I simply imagined my adult self holding, playing with, and kissing my baby self. This is the trip report. I have never felt so completely consumed by the feeling of love. I did this for perhaps 2 hours because I did not want to stop. It felt so good - it was a feeling of simultaneously giving and receiving a gigantic reservoir of love. 

I am reading more about family dynamics in dysfunctional families. I have learned that I was what is called the "lost child" - this is the one who stays quiet, stays in the bedroom, daydreams to escape, focuses on something else in life like school, people pleases, doesn't ask for or express anything out of fear, and ends up in codependent relationships as an adult. 

I will continue my work in this realm because I have already experienced big shifts. I wonder where the fuck my therapist has been at all this time, not telling me about any of this, but recommending Byron Katie so I could further shove my needs and feelings off to the side - an already unhealthy manifestation in the "lost child."

Again, if you grew up in a dysfunctional home, look into actual psychological healing through these methods in addition to your other work. 

Edited September 17, 2017 by eskwire

[Violina]

How is your work? Writing to your inner child or using EFT is really helpful.