Joseph Maynor

I Did A Psychedelic, I'm Not Sure Which One

40 posts in this topic

6 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Joseph Maynor I woke up in a fucking illusion again and I can't stop laughing. The whole thing is sync. I post Roger Waters lyrics, then read this shit, and you mention Roger Waters. So, to me, that confirms what I'm inspired to say, which is admittedly, obnoxiously, completely dickish. Let me admit again I'm being a huge asshole. You're full of shit. This is an elaborate trap. Impressive, but bullshit. I love you Jo! Keep going! :)

 

Nah.  I got a clear glimpse.  You can't make this shit up.  I got a clear glimpse of what is on the other side of Ego Reality.  I got a clear glimpse of Absolute Infinity.  How do you know this is bullshit?  You weren't in my shoes.  This was a highly intense, personal, unexpected, experience.  Something I think I'll never forget.  You can't fake dying and death, I don't care who you are.  That's something that is probably going to be highly-memorable to most people, just a wild-ass guess.  And the fact that it hit me out of nowhere too is probably a good thing because I wasn't expecting this to happen to me at all.  I'm sure most people are expecting to die, or are at least warned about it or prepared for this.  I was totally clueless that this would happen.  This caught me by complete surprise, and so it was all the more traumatic.  But it's cool and I realize that I'm already dead.  And I am conscious of the choice I made to come back to the illusion.  I literally watched myself re-enter the illusion, like very slowly re-inflating a balloon.  I had never watched any of Leo's psychedelics videos before this, but I watched them all last night after my experience.  Leo's descriptions of Ego-Death were all very on point with my experience.   That was slightly comforting to hear.  I didn't even know why the hell I died!  I'm like, why would I die? -- that's so negative.  But, now I see that that is the point!  The best thing that could've happened to me.  I'm so lucky I experienced this.  Now, I can talk with real authority, instead of just play with the theory.  You see how the theory really links up to reality.  Now, I really understand the idea of Egoic Life being an illusion.  This is no longer merely theory -- I observed this! -- tip to tail.

The only thing I will say is that I could have explored Absolute Infinity more, I just got a quick but discernible taste of it.  Other than that, what I saw was pretty substantial, especially the whole dying and death part.  That was full-bore and very protracted.  But just about the time I became Absolute Infinity, I started to come-down slowly back into the Ego Consciousness Paradigm -- so I didn't get to fully experience Absolute Infinity like the way Leo talks about in his videos.  To me, Absolute Infinity was scary, but I got to see that I am Being, and life after death is Being.  I also got the distinct sense that this new life as Absolute Infinity was scary, but I think that had to do with the Ego-Death that was happening to me.  If I had rounded that corner in a smoother way, perhaps I would have entered Absolute Infinity with a more cheerful mindset, or at least a less scrambled-eggs mindset.   I'm never going to be the same after this.  This was the single best thing to happen to my enlightenment so far, and it came at the right time, because I have the theoretical basis now to understand this experience fully.   What a trip!  Be careful.  Dyin' ain't no joke.  Well, at least I know what the process of dying is like.  I grokked that pretty good.  Man!  No joke.  The scariest thing that could ever happen to you, no doubt!

It's freaky when part of you wants to die and part of you wants to cling to the Ego-Conscious paradigm.  It's like a tug-of-war.  Like, no!  Don't let this happen to me again, lol.  I think you really get that with psychedelics.  That feeling of instability of the Ego, like the wheels are greased for it to give up the ghost.  Like -- I need to fall to the ground and die again!  And you're like -- Ah man!  -- No!  Not again!  Ahh!  I love the Ego, I love the Ego, I love the Ego, you might repeat aloud to keep this from happening again!  I've never experienced anything like this before.  This has gotta trickle into positive as time goes on for me.  I don't know what it's like to die bodily, but I know what it's like to die psychologically now.  That part, and the aftermath, was made very clear to me.  And seeing the Ego de-program itself, and seeing "hyperspace" or the "white hole" or the "void" or Being on the other side of Ego.  All that I saw with clarity.  And also distinctly understanding that Egoic Life is an illusion.  I saw that clearly too.  I woke up this morning perplexed, to say the least.  And also the idea that I'm already dead.  I get that now too -- clear as a bell.  Ding!  Something's you can't unsee.

I think the coolest insight I had is that I'm already dead.  And that Atman = Brahman.  This is because Being is what doesn't change from the Ego Paradigm to the Absolute Infinity Paradigm.  That's the secret there.  You are Being, the one constant.  Even as you pass from the illusion to the Truth, Being is still Being.  So, that part of "you" stays the same, and thus you never die.  Just the Ego and the body die.  And there is no soul.  There is just Being and this weird mood that Absolute Infinity had, but I believe that this mood was caused by my Ego fighting for its life kicking up all kinds of freak-out emotions.  Like I said, I didn't get enough time in Absolute Infinity to really feel "at home" Being there.  I just got a very short taste of it, of Being outside of the Ego Consciousness Paradigm.

And now I look back at an earlier experience I had with a massive dose of shrooms when I was much younger, and I see I had an ego-death there too.  When I collapsed into a pool of colors.  I think I mentioned this before.  That was an ego-death too, but I fell unconscious and then woke up at a later time, so I didn't get the full death experience.  This time, I was completely conscious throughout the entire dying and death process.  I wish I had explored Absolute Infinity more before returning though.  I can see that the trick here is to just surrender fully from the giddy-up.  And that's a counter-intuitive thing to do when the Ego is screaming bloody murder at you.  Man.  I am still in a state of shock.  I think my fear of death has decreased because now I know what death is like, at least from a psychological perspective.  Most people only have to experience this once.  I get to do it at least twice.  It's a trip that these psychedelics can trigger psychological death like this.  I never knew this was possible -- at all!  Now I understand why people do psychedelics for consciousness work.  It gives you a glimpse beyond the Egoic-Consciousness Reality.  I hesitate to even call it a paradigm.  That doesn't really get at all of it.  It's an illusory reality, that's what it is.  To see Absolute Infinity behind the Ego Reality is a real mind-fuck.  I can't find a better adjective than this, sorry.

Here's a good article I found on it.  It's pretty on point.  "The sensation of real death itself."  Be careful kiddies!  That shit is literal, not figurative.  If you can't handle this, be very, very careful, cautious, and wise about opening this pandora's box.  Thank God I am as strong as I am, and I was wise enough to let go throughout the process and just Be.  I can't imagine what it's like to fight this death the entire time -- like if you are not very enlightened and go through something like this.  That would be a hell that could probably scar you for life!  Or send you to a psych-ward.  Some PTSD shit potentially.  BE CAREFUL.  I just don't know what more to say beyond this.  I'd have to have more experiences to comment further.

http://www.theself.net/spirituality/to-become-everything-ego-death-important/

Here's another good site -- look at this!

http://www.egodeath.com/

Here's the article on Ego Death from the same site.

http://www.egodeath.com/egodeath.htm

Video on point to watch:

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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15 hours ago, -Rowan said:

"I'm becoming Enlightened, you"?"

 

????? 

Yeah, you got something to say too huh.  Some implication too, not a direct statement; sweet.  I'm surprised by the amount of resistance I have received with this.  Lots of naysayin' -- but also lots of supportive comments too -- to be fair.  It's a mixed-bag, it seems.  Interesting . . . .  Like Moses comin' down from the mountain with the tablets, after meeting with God, and realizing all his "cohorts" had started worshiping the Golden calf in his absence (see wiki link below).  Whose ego is running this time?  Not ours!  The other guy's!  Oy.  It's always the other guy, right?  Not me!  This keeps us from facing our own void.  I don't care.  I'm just going to be open and honest about this and let the chips fall where they may.  Ya'll can get a good laugh out of this if you want to.  It's on me, I can take it.  Have at it.  My only duty, as I perceive it (or actually create it), is to share this experience and participate on here as I have now for 4 months as I go through my journey.  Good luck with your journey -- how's that going by the way?  When you post something substantive about your own journey, I'll be sure to leave a comment.  I'm all ears.  Share a laugh on me, I can handle it.  Dying is funny.  Hardy har har!  Lolz.  Oh man . . . .  It's almost like the egos of others are resistant to me growing.  This information must be threatening to your egos in some way.  Yeah!  Totally, right?  That makes sense.  It's like if I say -- hey guys, I had this really profound experience where I grew so much!  The response is -- do you have Aspergers' Syndrome!  haha.  Oh!  [snort]  Yeah . . . .  That's it . . . .  There's no shortage of a convenient ego-defense, is there.  Am I right?  How many people with Aspergers can laugh at themselves like I do?  Yeah . . . .  We are totally embedded in Ego-Smog.  All of us, including myself -- let's not deny this.  That's one thing I fully realize now from my Ego-Death experience.  But Being is what doesn't change.  We are Being, but knee-deep in the Ego Consciousness Paradigm too.  It's like being a child living in a candy store.  The child living in the candy store is not going be happy to hear from the health-nut.  Right?  It's predictable.  The health-nut is threatening the child's Ego, Lower-Self, Mind-Matrix, Monkey-Mind, and tightly-clung to beliefs and paradigms -- all of this.  See?  I'm still learning something even right now.  Learning comes equally from both good and bad experiences.  As long as you keep an open-mind and remain a sponge, growth is always possible in every moment if you look for it.  Good luck!  I hope you are progressing well on your journey.  Let me know if I can be of assistance to you on your path in some way.  As long as it's not -- go away and keep your mouth shut, I'm good with it. But, I want to share this stuff.  I think it's helpful both to me and to people reading my writing.  Those truly golden moments of true feedback are worth their weight in cash-value to me.  Even if it's just one constructive, on-point comment -- that makes all this worth it to me.  All this putting myself out there -- putting my neck on the chopping-block --  which is so inviting for someone to come along and take a shot at me in that vulnerable state: to generate an easy laugh.  I get it!  It's almost too tempting to resist haha.  I like to laugh too.  And I'd probably do the same damn thing if the shoe were on the other foot, so I'm not prissing around on any moral high-horse here.  Ego Consciousness is corrupted, that's a fact.  And we're all tainted by ego, like poison.  It takes balls to be this open and honest, it truly does.  And I realize that this is a rare value; not many people truly embody this, not even on this forum.  There's just a handful of people on here that truly open up and make themselves vulnerable out of a deep desire to grow.  I realize this more and more as I open up, grow, and continue to participate on here.  I can count 'em on two hands, one-two -- like that -- and I don't need a third one.  But I will never let my 'fear of ridicule' filter my openness on this forum.  That's when I will quit, because that's when this place will truly become a distraction for me and nothing more.  But as long as I continue to get that one nugget of insight like I continue to receive every once in a while, this place is worth it to me.  And as long as I can keep being transparently open, it's worth it to me.  And I adore helping others with their paths too.  So, I try to make it a win-win for all of us.  I try to contribute where I can, where I feel it will be helpful to someone.  The synergy I have experienced from participating on this forum, and the growth I have experienced here in such a short space of time, is truly remarkable!  Maybe unprecedented.  But understand -- I put my whole-being into this enlightenment work: Lock, stock, and barrel.  Everyday.  All in!  Deep-dive.  So, don't compare your results with mine.  Productivity is a function of focus and effort, not of time spent.   I have the luxury of really making a hard go at this.  And my results came from that massive action over months and months of daily hard work.  Many people seem to think Enlightenment doesn't require any work.  I call bullshit on that.  That doesn't comport with my experience on the matter at all.  Quite the contrary in fact.  

The Golden calf.  It's a cool story from the Bible; and from the Quran.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_calf

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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@Joseph Maynor If you think smoking tobacco / refer is scary, wait till you realize all that typing actually is from the ego you've been saying died. Post a selfie when it hits, you'll want to look at it later. FYI, I'm no better. I have, however, learned the enlightenment value of harshness. I learned it the hard way (sorry for being a passive aggressive dick Leo, I love you) So, in that vein....bullshit. On the other hand, I, actually have no idea if you exist, or if, on all levels, I'm just talking to myself. So, I'm obviously fuckin crazy and you should stop paying me any attention. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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4 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I'm surprised by the amount of resistance I have gotten with this.  Lots of naysayin

If you want a brutal honest perspective of why that might be, why some people don't give you that much credibility, then I can give it to you.
You might really not want too.
I'm not hating on you. Just MAYBE can clear things up. From my perspective at least. Can't speak for everyone.


"Maybe aliens is sitting somewhere up there looking at this at like a video feed and jerking off to it. You don't know!" - Leo Gura, 2018

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I'm almost certain it was Salvia.  These descriptions and the image below all resonate very accurately:

I.  When Salvia is smoked the effects come on very quickly, in less than a minute. The effects are only strong for 5-6 minutes, and then they quickly taper off over another 20-30 minutes.

II.  Level - 5 "I" stands for IMMATERIAL existence. At this level one may no longer be aware of having a body. Consciousness remains and some thought processes are still lucid, but one becomes completely involved in inner experience and looses all contact with consensual reality. Individuality may be lost; one experiences merging with God/dess, mind, universal consciousness, or bizarre fusions with other objects--real or imagined (e.g. experiences such as merging with a wall or piece of furniture). At this level it is impossible to function in consensual reality, but unfortunately some people do not remain still but move around in this befuddled state. For this reason a sitter is essential to ensure the safety of someone voyaging to these deep levels. To the person experiencing this the phenomenon may be terrifying or exceedingly pleasant; but to an outside observer the individual may appear confused or disoriented.

http://sagewisdom.org/usersguide.html

Yep!  This is it.  It looks like low quality weed.  And it has a sage-like aromatics and strange metallic smell when smoked.  It looks like weed, but if you smell it and smoke it, you'll see right away that you were dead wrong!  Haha.  No pun intended.  This is the shit!  Ah man.  Enlightenment City.  Brahman City.  Be careful!  NOTE: This in no way a suggestion that anybody try Salvia.  Ask yo mama before you try any drug.  It ain't on me if you do something crazy with this information.  It's on you if you mess with Salvia and get hurt.  It could be very dangerous if used unwisely.  Don't say I didn't warn you!

220px-SalviaDivinorum25xExtract.jpg

--

I watched Leo's video of that couple freaking out on Salvia (see link below).  They each took like two MASSIVE hits.  I took like 1/4 or 1/5 of the hit that they took -- probably less, and I only took a single hit.  That's nuts how they smoked that man.  I can't believe they took two giant hits like that.  I experimented with small hits after my big experience and it can work for micro-dosing.  Although you can get into deep water fast with larger hits.  Where part of you wants to die, but you kind of see that it's optional.  Like that!  The heaviness is there and death starts to loom.  Ah man, can you relate to that experience?  I threw the rest of it out because I didn't want to die again.  I'm not ready to do that again for a while.  I'll probably do 5MeODMT next time.  Like a couple/few months from now.  

Yeah, I didn't experience anything like these two did.  I got wonky fast, started to freak and walk around for a split-second, and then laid my head down on my keyboard and rode out the bulk of the trip standing up.  There were moments when I did lift my head up and looked around later in the trip.  This is when I thought I was in a hospital ward dying of cancer.  Ah man, it sure seemed like that.  Like I was a dead bird on the street succumbing to the heaviness, alone.  I really experienced the progression of death.  The crushing, unique, berwildering emotions; the letting go.  Like, you know you gotta die and you are moving the process along.  And then right beyond the moment of death, and then slowly back into the illusion.

You would probably trip balls on weed if you took two massive hits like this unfortunate couple did.  I wonder if they smoked it before.  Who would take two ginormous hits like that off something they never smoked?  Wow!  What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger perhaps.  This reminds me of my bad mushroom trip when I was younger.   Same kind of anxiety/freak-out factor.  You can hear her say -- "I don't believe you!", "I don't believe you!"  Man, that's rough.  Jeez.  Damn!  Out the window.  He freaked!  In a split second too.  

https://www.actualized.org/insights/why-you-should-never-do-salvia-alone

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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20 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I didn't realize we were diagnosing me Dr. Heart.  What are you trying to suggest?  I was just joking about the Aspergers.  When is the last time you beat your wife?  You don't sound like a friend.  Take your diagnosis and measure yourself with it.  I run a business, I don't have a mental illness.  Go find someone else to insult.  Do I have aspergers.  Shit.  Man, I have gotten every sort of criticism I'll tell you.  Independence has its downside.  It's funny.  I'm a genius-nut apparently.  I'm Hamlet.  Keep it above the belt.

I'm becoming enlightened, you?

Video on point to watch:

 

 

That was overly defensive, I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.

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8 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

This is no longer merely theory

This is still a theory, because you are not sharing an experience with us, but only words.

It's funny how you talk about

Quote

MY PSYCHEDELIC EXPERIENCE OF DYING AND DEATH

and how you talk about what you got from this, and you talk about it a lot... The only thing I see you have gotten from this experience is more monkey-chatter. You seem to be overly attached to experience and attention and validation seeking. So for me you fell into a trap. Be careful with drugs.

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5 hours ago, Girzo said:

This is still a theory, because you are not sharing an experience with us, but only words.

It's funny how you talk about

and how you talk about what you got from this, and you talk about it a lot... The only thing I see you have gotten from this experience is more monkey-chatter. You seem to be overly attached to experience and attention and validation seeking. So for me you fell into a trap. Be careful with drugs.

You're being glib here.  No offense, but your generalities don't even scratch the surface of what I'm talking about.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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7 hours ago, Progress said:

That was overly defensive, I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.

I'm sensitive to being diagnosed with a mental problem online.  I don't like it; it doesn't  sit well with me.  It's very presumptuous and harms my reputation potentially.  Sorry if the response was curt, but that's my rationale for it.  It was not done to be mean or to be rude or to be overly-defensive.  I was being reasonably defensive; in my judgment of course.  You would probably do a similar thing in a similar circumstance if you could put yourself in my shoes and get over your own defensiveness towards me.  You posted a comment taking issue with me.  Is that not being "overly-defensive" (your words) too?  See?  Moralizations come right back on ya!  Didn't you see that?  That's a good example of the dangers of judging others.  My monkey-chatter against your monkey-chatter.  Do you believe there's somebody who should win this?   This is a lesson in itself.  An illustration of the dangers of moralization and judgments.

Videos on point to watch:

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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If it really was leaves smoked, then the only thing that comes close to the trip report is Slavia Divinorum. (Sage of the diviners / Salvinorin A)

220px-Salvinorin_A_structure.svg.png220px-SalviaDivinorum25xExtract.jpg220px-StandardizedSalviaD.jpg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_divinorum

 

Slavia is a potent entheogen for having a breakthrough.   You will experience a reverse tolerance on Slavia.  The first couple times sort of eases you into the idea of total recall.  Every time one does a subsequent dose, the experience will be more intense and profound.  The first couple times you will feel like gravity is pulling you into things, or parts of your body are being pulled by gravity... Then as you progress with subsequent experiences, you will finally experience a sort of Deja Vu, or a remembering of the ALL.  Pure awareness without time nor definition.  Nothing contains the all as it has no beginning nor end.

Imagine you're a brick that's part of a wall. Now imagine If the brick was aware of itself, that's pretty much what you, your ego, and everyone else's ego is.  Just another brick in the wall of the infinite ALL.

 

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8 minutes ago, pluto said:

@Heart of Space Your behavior is disturbing and insulting all over the forums.

No it's not imo, it's just what Enneagram type 8s do. No need to take it personally.

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@batfly I'm not able to type most of the people here on the forum with only very very few exceptions. One of the reasons is, the Enneagram is not only based on behaviour but more underlying structures.

Edited by Toby

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What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge face eating rats?
No; I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.

 

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@Joseph Maynor But if you realized it was monkey chatter to monkey chatter why would you increase it 10 folds plus a barrage of video links? Also its an assumption I would respond with a barrage of chatter, I tend to make my replies short and precise as much as possible.

Edited by Progress

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@Joseph Maynor  if you want to be perceived as a self-confident person and have a good reputation, then be non-reactive instead of addressing every little "attack" at your persona in the greatest detail.

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