Joseph Maynor

I Did A Psychedelic, I'm Not Sure Which One

40 posts in this topic

I was standing at my keyboard station when I did it and the whole thing lasted maybe 5 minutes.  I smoked an herb like substance, kind of a cross between tobacco and weed.  After about a minute, my head hit the keyboard and I went through my own death, or something like it.  I couldn't move and my head was crashed against the keyboard.  I was hearing a repetitive mechanical noise, like a machine-like noise.  I might as well of been paralyzed for about 3 to 5 minutes.  I experienced a fading away of my consciousness and it almost felt like I was a computer that was deprogramming itself, and the visuals were like I was moving fast through a tube of colors.  I could hear voices around me, but they were very mechanical, like I would hear the same clank or the same sound again and again like every 20 seconds or so.  I had a distinct sense that I was dead or almost completely dead, like on my very, very last legs. 

The freaky part is I felt like I was dying of cancer perhaps, and after I came too a bit I looked around my office and I thought I was in a hospital room.  I thought of my mom and distinctly felt like I died and on the other side of it I distinctly recall that there was sorrow in my heart, but I realized that there was a dim joy and that It was up to me potentially to explore that more.  As I came to, I came down in about 20 minutes and walked around outside.  I had the distinct feeling of connectiveness with other people, like there was a common membrane connecting us all.  I really feel like I experienced my death, and as it was happening to me, that's what I believed I was going through.  Like the final stages of life and the immediate aftermath.

What the hell is this shit?  Don't ask me where I got it.  

Video on point to watch.  Shit this is so on point!  Man!  Leo's description of the panic attack is so on point.  Dude!

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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Sure you didn't smoke PCP?  Don't do drugs when you're not sure what it is.  That's really, really dumb.  

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@Heart of Space

10 minutes ago, Heart of Space said:

Sure you didn't smoke PCP?  Don't do drugs when you're not sure what it is.  That's really, really dumb.  

It was actually pretty cool.  I felt like I was going through my own death and saw part of the other side.  I don't believe I was really dying.  It's a psychedelic.  But it sure as hell felt real.   It felt like the final stages of death, where you are becoming one with the void again.  The scary part is I felt like I was really dying.  It was scary but eye-opening.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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Sounds like you had a pretty profound trip, now comes the hard part; integrating what you learnt into everyday life. From your description it sounds like you took DMT in the form of changa.

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@Mathew Pav I have more haha.   I took one pretty large toke and held it in like weed for a few seconds.

I know what it's like to die now.  And I distinctly felt the surrender.  I felt the sense that I had to get used to this Being.  I felt the heaviness, the pain, the anguish -- all spiritual -- of dying and entering a new realm.  Almost like it wasn't clear whether I was entering something good or something else.  But none of this was pleasant.  I felt like I went through the dying process with this.  Interesting, but not exactly a pleasant experience.  Kind of traumatic in a way, but I'm ok.  I definitely got the sense of Being and how all is Being.  And how the Ego is like computer software that falls away; but I survive this as Being.  But only as Being.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changa_(drug)

But here's what I want to know.  Why the hell was I dying?  This was not cool.  That must be one of my ego's fears -- dying of cancer.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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36 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I was standing at my keyboard station when I did it and the whole thing lasted maybe 5 minutes.  I smoked an herb like substance, kind of a cross between tobacco and weed.  After about a minute, my head hit the keyboard and I went through my own death, or something like it.  I couldn't move and my head was crashed against the keyboard.  I was hearing a repetitive mechanical noise, like a machine-like noise.  I might as well of been paralyzed for about 3 to 5 minutes.  I experienced a fading away of my consciousness and it almost felt like I was a computer that was deprogramming itself, and the visuals were like I was moving fast through a tube of colors.  I could hear voices around me, but they were very mechanical, like I would hear the same clank or the same sound again and again.

The freaky part is I felt like I was dying of cancer perhaps, and after I came too a bit I looked around my office and thought it was a hospital room.  I thought of my mom and distinctly felt like I died and on the other side of it I distinctly recall that there was sorrow in my heart, but I realized that there was a dim joy and that It was up to me potentially to explore that more.  As I came to, I came down in about 20 minutes and walked around outside.  I had the distinct feeling of connectiveness with other people, like there was a common membrane connecting us all.  I really feel like I experienced my death, and as it was happening to me, that's what I believed I was going through.  Like the final stages of life and the immediate aftermath.

What the hell is this shit?  Don't ask me where I got it.  

It sounds a bit like Salvia Divinorum. I never tried it but my friend Andrew's dad and step-mom tried it almost a decade ago when we used to hang out. And his step-mom reported having a five minute experience of being cut in half.


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@Emerald I also had the sense when I came back that I wasn't sure this reality was real or not.  Real reality felt fake and Absolute Infinity felt real.  Like, am I alive here?  Can I come back into the illusion?  What was on the other side was all spiritual, it was nothing like Earth.  There was no embodiment, except my dying body under me that I felt like was sinking into oblivion.  Have you ever experienced what it's like to die?  Like a dying bird on the side of the road succumbing to the heaviness.  I felt the strong sense of surrender, of letting go.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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@Joseph Maynor Sounds like Salvia. Don't be doing that shit alone.

For fuck's sake, why it is so difficult for people to follow proper protocol???


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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Just now, Leo Gura said:

@Joseph Maynor Sounds like Salvia. Don't be doing that shit alone.

You and Emerald think so.  It really resonates with your 5Meo DMT video though.  

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26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Joseph Maynor Sounds like Salvia. Don't be doing that shit alone.

For fuck's sake, why it is so difficult for people to follow proper protocol???

It happened upon me.  I have some experimental friends lets just say.  I didn't go out aiming to do it.  I'm like the guy who burns the instruction manual haha.  Just kidding.  Like Roger Waters said during the creation of Dark Side of the Moon -- we lost the instruction manual for the synthesizer and I had to learn it without one.

Video on point to watch:

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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55 minutes ago, Heart of Space said:

Ah I see.  Have you been properly diagnosed yet?  

I didn't realize we were diagnosing me Dr. Heart.  What are you trying to suggest?  I was just joking about the Aspergers.  When is the last time you beat your wife?  You don't sound like a friend.  Take your diagnosis and measure yourself with it.  I run a business, I don't have a mental illness.  Go find someone else to insult.  Do I have aspergers.  Shit.  Man, I have gotten every sort of criticism I'll tell you.  Independence has its downside.  It's funny.  I'm a genius-nut apparently.  I'm Hamlet.  Keep it above the belt.

I'm becoming enlightened, you?

Video on point to watch:

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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3 minutes ago, Joseph Maynor said:

I didn't realizing we were diagnosing me.  What are you trying to suggest?  I was just joking about the Aspergers.  When is the last time you beat your wife?  You don't sound like a friend.  Take your diagnosis and measure yourself with it.  I run a business, I don't have a mental illness.  Go find someone else to insult.  Do I have aspergers.  Shit.  Man I have gotten every criticism I'll tell you.

Sorry dude, didn't mean to upset you.  I'll stop.  I was just curious, bud.  *hugs*

Edited by Heart of Space

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25 minutes ago, Heart of Space said:

Sorry dude, didn't mean to upset you.  I'll stop.  I was just curious, bud.  *hugs*

Sure.   When I took Abnormal Psychology in college we spent half the semester talking about the dangers of hasty diagnosis of abnormal psychology categories.  Professional shrinks will not diagnose until they spend many hours of empirical investigation.  This layman-diagnosis is a real big problem.  Hi -- how are you -- let me pidgeon-hole you in the DSM 5!  I prefer a simple handshake and hello first, thank you.  Let's build up micro-momentum slowly.  It's a new relationship.  Easy.

Aspergers is also a contested diagnosis category.

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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This video is on point.  Wow

I was Absolute Infinity.  The Ego vacating itself, taking off the mask.  You don't realize how deep that mask goes.  And when you take that mask 80% off, what you'll experience on the other side of it will blow yo' mind.  Just be careful kids.  Check with your parents.  If you are scared to die, take heed.  Most people get the privilege of dying only once.  But I'm glad I did it though.  Life doesn't exist.  I'm already dead.  And I've awoken!  I've decided to awaken.  Atman = Brahman.  

 

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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@Joseph Maynor I dont know if you can categorize your experience and know it's 100% that. i am skeptical about everything I dont know through experience, even about my own interpretation of the experience.

I think in a zen temple they would beat you with a stick for that :)

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@Ilya Yeah.  I saw Brahman though.  I can tell you right now that Egoic life is an illusion because I watched it leave me.  When you come back you realize that there is nothing to fear with life anymore.  The worst thing that is going to happen to you is your Ego will die and your body will die.  That moment is the definitive moment in your life.  All the shit you are about ain't worth a wooden-nickel when you are dying.  You're that dead-bird on the side of the road.  You've seen something that can never be unseen.  Have you ever experienced your own Ego-Death?  I like Leo's infinite-headed hydra metaphor.  You don't die, I learned that.  But the Ego will die and the body will die.  But you survive on the other side of Ego-Death as Being.  It's Being.  You'll feel all the anguish of the Ego-Dying.  That's what we fear with death.  That experience.  It's so awkward and scary.  Just about the most scariest thing I've ever gone through.  "God is terrifying" -- Leo Gura.  Damn straight!  God is Being.

Here's an interesting link I found:

http://www.theself.net/spirituality/to-become-everything-ego-death-important/

Edited by Joseph Maynor

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@Joseph Maynor Have you seen the video on Leo's insight blog where those two people smoke salvia at the same time and all hell breaks loose? Bro be careful haha. Yeah the ego is an illusion, there is only being. It goes deeper though, don't get to excited because you're most likely still just scratching the surface here. Take your time to integrate this experience and maybe suggest some Lsd, al-lad, or mushrooms in the future?

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@Joseph Maynor I woke up in a fucking illusion again and I can't stop laughing. The whole thing is sync. I post Roger Waters lyrics, then read this shit, and you mention Roger Waters. So, to me, that confirms what I'm inspired to say, which is admittedly, obnoxiously, completely dickish. Let me admit again I'm being a huge asshole. You're full of shit. This is an elaborate trap. Impressive, but bullshit. I love you Jo! Keep going! :)

 


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